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#256 Jellyfishluv

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Posted 27 November 2009 - 04:14 PM

All I can say is WOW! and to think I was looking at/in all the wrong places/people. lol


Haha, I actually try NOT to look. But I always make sure that if I know I'm in the wrong place, NOT to look. :P

As for my over winded story, I just needed to tell some "adult" people that are in a "similar" situation, i.e. SINGLE. I have a lot of young friends (most of them in relationships) and LOTS of married friends- young and more mature, and they are always very unsympathetic, and at times I've even felt judged by them because I'm not (un)happily married, with kids.

Honestly, I have been more focused and concerned with my education and career goals. I won't be happy in any relationship until I feel I've reached a certain level of success, the problem is that it has/still is, taking far longer than I wanted. And when I get bogged down with climbing that ladder, I've side tracked a bit and focused on more social endeavors.

For instance, Back in April I planned a trip to England to work on an archaeological dig on land because all my excavation work had been underwater so I started to arrange to tie in a trip to Egypt with this to stay for a month, complete my DM course and intern as a DM (and possibly do my Instructor level if I had enough money).

Then my one of my favorite musicians that I listened to religiously as a teen went on tour in the UK and all my friends that I met 3 years ago at one of his concerts in London, UK were following him through Scotland, England, Ireland and main land Europe. And, he was doing a special concert in Manchester England where he grew up for his 50th Birthday.

At first I told my friends I could only go to a couple of Scotland gigs because I had to go to Egypt. But then I thought, it's his 50th Birthday! And I wanted to "bond" with these "friends" so I decided to stay in the UK and go to the Birthday bash and I even tied in a trip to Loch Ness and the Orkney Islands way up by Norway- great archaeology on those islands.

Some might think that was the wrong choice, that I should spend all my money on dive training and field schools, etc. etc., but the fact of the matter is that I've stayed focused like that before, gave up all social life and it achieved nothing. From 25-31 I focused, focused on training and running marathons, working, working in sales and not making a stupid commission; school, finishing my BA in finance- math classes, law classes, classes, classes, classes! I never went out because I was so tired or had a paper, or an exam.

And then I realized, life was passing me by. And that's when I started to travel. I Lived at home with my parents and worked a seasonal minimum wage job- I could have gotten an apartment, well shared, and spent all my money on that , like I do now in San Diego, or I could save up at my parents house in the desert (where there is absolutely nothing cultural to do) and then escape the reality of my life for awhile by seeing the world. So even though I knew people judged me for "not being grown up and moving out of my parents", it wasn't because I wasn't capable or that I was being "unadult" like, it's just that I wasn't dealt that full-house that granted me the freedom to have my own place AND afford to travel and I knew I might never have the chance to see others parts of the world if I didn't.

Even so, I was willing to bit the bullet to have a successful career -way back in 2002 (when I was still in my 20s) I applied for city management jobs and took the 3 hour exams and got on the civil lists in the top tiers and I was never called for an interview (think of all the money I would have made in the last 7 years. I'd own my own home, have a nice car, no bad credit, money in the retirement fund, and lots of luxury vacations rather than my econ hostel travel I've done over the years). Same with City Planner positions, and the list of careers I'm qualified for goes on, and on, and on- and I'm still making under 16k?????? WTF?

Of course, I know that getting ahead has a lot more to do with what social class you are born into; what church you were raised in; who your parents knew/know; and who you know (that likes you) than with how hard you study in school and how hard you try. But I can't change that!

But I'm getting there, and hopefully when I do, I won't be miserable.

Edited by Jellyfishluv, 27 November 2009 - 04:35 PM.

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#257 Landlocked Dive Nut

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Posted 27 November 2009 - 06:53 PM

Of course, I know that getting ahead has a lot more to do with what social class you are born into; what church you were raised in; who your parents knew/know; and who you know (that likes you) than with how hard you study in school and how hard you try.


I have to respectfully disagree with this comment. There are those of us who were raised lower middle-class (at best) and are not affiliated with a church or a Who's Who, and still managed to educate ourselves and carve out a career that more than takes care of our needs and travel wishes. Did I dedicate most of my 20's to work & being a single parent rather than socialize? Yes, I did. I am reaping the rewards now.
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#258 uwfan

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Posted 27 November 2009 - 08:36 PM

Jellyfishluv, your life sounds familiar... and I just have to put in my 2 cents... for what it's worth...

Honestly, I have been more focused and concerned with my education and career goals. I won't be happy in any relationship until I feel I've reached a certain level of success, the problem is that it has/still is, taking far longer than I wanted. And when I get bogged down with climbing that ladder, I've side tracked a bit and focused on more social endeavors.

Climbing the ladder... it isn't always the most important thing... social endeavors can be the most meaningful parts of life, even if they mean you postpone other parts of life. I took two years looking for work in another state, thinking that would be my new home... met some people, but mostly spent a lot of time with a good friend of mine and her then young boys. I treasure that time as I know if I hadn't made that choice, I would not have those wonderful memories.

For instance, Back in April I planned a trip to England to work on an archaeological dig on land because all my excavation work had been underwater so I started to arrange to tie in a trip to Egypt with this to stay for a month, complete my DM course and intern as a DM (and possibly do my Instructor level if I had enough money).

Some might think that was the wrong choice, that I should spend all my money on dive training and field schools, etc. etc., but the fact of the matter is that I've stayed focused like that before, gave up all social life and it achieved nothing. From 25-31 I focused, focused on training and running marathons, working, working in sales and not making a stupid commission; school, finishing my BA in finance- math classes, law classes, classes, classes, classes! I never went out because I was so tired or had a paper, or an exam.

You never know what life experiences will give you the edge over someone else in a job. Sometimes it's the tests, and papers, and classes (and believe me, I've spent PLENTY of time in classes), sometimes it's the time you took to learn about a different culture (I spent a school year in China), sometimes it's the unique knowledge that you have through your hobbies and interests like diving. I recall plenty of nights and weekends I kept my nose to the grindstone for classes or for my job and I understand that fatigue. It's hard, but I'm learning balance even now, to have a positive attitude about whatever I do, have done, or will do. When the time comes, I believe the relationship I desire will be right and with the right person at the right time.

And then I realized, life was passing me by. And that's when I started to travel. I Lived at home with my parents and worked a seasonal minimum wage job- I could have gotten an apartment, well shared, and spent all my money on that , like I do now in San Diego, or I could save up at my parents house in the desert (where there is absolutely nothing cultural to do) and then escape the reality of my life for awhile by seeing the world. So even though I knew people judged me for "not being grown up and moving out of my parents", it wasn't because I wasn't capable or that I was being "unadult" like, it's just that I wasn't dealt that full-house that granted me the freedom to have my own place AND afford to travel and I knew I might never have the chance to see others parts of the world if I didn't.

Even so, I was willing to bit the bullet to have a successful career -way back in 2002 (when I was still in my 20s) I applied for city management jobs and took the 3 hour exams and got on the civil lists in the top tiers and I was never called for an interview (think of all the money I would have made in the last 7 years. I'd own my own home, have a nice car, no bad credit, money in the retirement fund, and lots of luxury vacations rather than my econ hostel travel I've done over the years). Same with City Planner positions, and the list of careers I'm qualified for goes on, and on, and on- and I'm still making under 16k?????? WTF?

I will get dangerously close to telling my age here, but I had my challenges in my thirties wondering why things weren't yet all roses. Are they yet all roses, no, but I'm learning that sometimes we make choices to get what we REALLY want. I REALLY wanted a house, and made a choice that involves my mom living with me. Is my car as fabulous as I'd like, no, but it gets me around and I know as of this weekend I can replace the headlight on my own without the expense of an auto shop... freeing up money to do some of the diving I love to do. Am I thrilled with my retirement situation, no but I can still work on that until I'm in my sixties and if need be and I am so blessed with health, I'll work on it beyond that.

Of course, I know that getting ahead has a lot more to do with what social class you are born into; what church you were raised in; who your parents knew/know; and who you know (that likes you) than with how hard you study in school and how hard you try. But I can't change that!

Social class... well, let's just say we had enough to eat, clothes on our backs and a roof over our head... church, I've been in more varieties of churches than I can begin to share here... my parents had no social connections...
I couldn't change much of that... but I could remember that how I respond makes a big difference in how people see me. Don't give up on yourself, studying hard in school IS important, and then showing others that you not only know the "stuff" everyone else may or may not know, but you are passionate about the job you might have and you WANT to improve their bottom line or whatever it is that makes you STAND OUT in your field (in mine it's how well you can improve the all powerful test scores!)

But I'm getting there, and hopefully when I do, I won't be miserable.

If you read only this last... I hope you will consider this, as I'm relearning to do this all over again in the past few months... decide what happiness can look like for you RIGHT NOW, in the circumstances that you own RIGHT NOW, and live that happiness. If that means changing something, change it, if it means changing your attitude about something, change that...don't live in misery, life is too short - TRUST me, I'm learning that in my own circumstances.

#259 WreckWench

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 06:15 AM

Jellyfishluv thank you for opening up to your friends and yes extended family here! I knew things were tough for you and I recall being particularly happy with your extra special wedding present to me... 'coming to my wedding'. I was thrilled that you could share that and I guess now it means even more giving some of the insight you've shared!

And many of us have made choices that others do not understand. That is fine...leaders/innovators/movers&shakers do that...they march to the beat of a different drummer. The trick is being happy with YOUR choices because they are YOUR choices. Others make their choices and you make your choices. And no matter what they are you need to be happy with them.

Pursuing a life such as yours in some ways is not entirely different than starting a business from scratch and giving up everything to make it work despite the fact that it is never going to be a financial hit just as being an archeologist is not usually a lucrative career. But its what you love...so be happy knowing you are doing what you love or doing what you need to do to get there. (This is the journey part they talk about all the time!) LOL! :P

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
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#260 bowjunkie

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 09:02 AM

And many of us have made choices that others do not understand. That is fine...leaders/innovators/movers&shakers do that...they march to the beat of a different drummer. The trick is being happy with YOUR choices because they are YOUR choices. Others make their choices and you make your choices. And no matter what they are you need to be happy with them.

Pursuing a life such as yours in some ways is not entirely different than starting a business from scratch and giving up everything to make it work despite the fact that it is never going to be a financial hit just as being an archeologist is not usually a lucrative career. But its what you love...so be happy knowing you are doing what you love or doing what you need to do to get there. (This is the journey part they talk about all the time!) LOL! :teeth:


:P Very well put being in the line of work I'm in I couldn't have said it better lol some people sneer when I tell em I'm a dairy farmer . I used to get mad about it and now I just have to laugh because it's what I love to do .....

Edited by bowjunkie, 28 November 2009 - 09:03 AM.

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#261 WreckWench

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 09:24 AM

lol some people sneer when I tell em I'm a dairy farmer



A Dairy Farming Diver!


PRICELESS! :P

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
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Click here TO PAY for Merchandise, Membership, or Travel
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"Imitation is proof that originality is rare." - ScubaHawk
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Kamala Shadduck c/o SingleDivers.com LLC
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#262 georoc01

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 09:28 AM

And many of us have made choices that others do not understand. That is fine...leaders/innovators/movers&shakers do that...they march to the beat of a different drummer. The trick is being happy with YOUR choices because they are YOUR choices. Others make their choices and you make your choices. And no matter what they are you need to be happy with them.

Pursuing a life such as yours in some ways is not entirely different than starting a business from scratch and giving up everything to make it work despite the fact that it is never going to be a financial hit just as being an archeologist is not usually a lucrative career. But its what you love...so be happy knowing you are doing what you love or doing what you need to do to get there. (This is the journey part they talk about all the time!) LOL! :teeth:


:P Very well put being in the line of work I'm in I couldn't have said it better lol some people sneer when I tell em I'm a dairy farmer . I used to get mad about it and now I just have to laugh because it's what I love to do .....


The only thing that is surprising is that you can still make a living at it given the hard work and the cost controls that keep the price of your product down in the market.

#263 bowjunkie

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 11:47 AM

The only thing that is surprising is that you can still make a living at it given the hard work and the cost controls that keep the price of your product down in the market.


rofl who said anything about making a living at it anymore heck we will more than likely go broke unless things turn around in the near future ... Dairies are going broke all over the US right now there are 14 "I think thats the #" in Co alone in chapter 11 ...

I really don't think of dairy farming as a way to make a living it's a way of life, the really sad thing is young people that want to farm cannot afford to get into it unless it's handed down through the family ... I still think it should be required to work on a farm one summer to graduate from high school kids today would have a lot more respect for there peers if that were the case

Edited by bowjunkie, 28 November 2009 - 11:48 AM.

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#264 georoc01

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 11:59 AM

The only thing that is surprising is that you can still make a living at it given the hard work and the cost controls that keep the price of your product down in the market.


rofl who said anything about making a living at it anymore heck we will more than likely go broke unless things turn around in the near future ... Dairies are going broke all over the US right now there are 14 "I think thats the #" in Co alone in chapter 11 ...

I really don't think of dairy farming as a way to make a living it's a way of life, the really sad thing is young people that want to farm cannot afford to get into it unless it's handed down through the family ... I still think it should be required to work on a farm one summer to graduate from high school kids today would have a lot more respect for there peers if that were the case


Having had that experience as a city kid one summer I'd agree with you. I looked at it as a way to horseback ride every day when I didn't own a horse. It also shows us where our food comes from. I think most kids don't have that appreciation growing up either.

#265 drbill

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Posted 29 November 2009 - 09:39 AM

some people sneer when I tell em I'm a dairy farmer . I used to get mad about it and now I just have to laugh because it's what I love to do .....


I'll bet they won't sneer when some financial or social upheaval disrupts the supply lines from the farm to their grocery stores. People, especially in urban or suburban environments are often blithely ignorant about what could happen should something like that occur. One of the reasons I chose to live on Catalina Island was that I knew where my food resources would come from should an atomic bomb be dropped over Lost Angeles. I can hunt, fish and grow vegetables (as well as harvest seaweed) to feed myself.

Good for you that you pursue something you love to do. Think of how many of those cubicle dwellers are unhappy with their lives. Who could blame them... that's not appropriate habitat for anyone.

Edited by drbill, 29 November 2009 - 09:40 AM.


#266 Jellyfishluv

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Posted 29 November 2009 - 09:07 PM

Of course, I know that getting ahead has a lot more to do with what social class you are born into; what church you were raised in; who your parents knew/know; and who you know (that likes you) than with how hard you study in school and how hard you try.


I have to respectfully disagree with this comment. There are those of us who were raised lower middle-class (at best) and are not affiliated with a church or a Who's Who, and still managed to educate ourselves and carve out a career that more than takes care of our needs and travel wishes. Did I dedicate most of my 20's to work & being a single parent rather than socialize? Yes, I did. I am reaping the rewards now.


Yeah, well try coming from POOR! Poor, female and white. No breaks for my race, held back/down by sexist men for my sex, and hated by the middle class for trying to take their jobs- let one through that the whole slippery slope effect happens! Oh, and I got an education. I got a real good education and maybe by the time I'm 50 years old I'll have some sort of career, but I'm talking about the majority of 20 somethings that get in to good jobs, right off the bat. Tell me, how is one to get 10 years work experience in a career if they can't even get hired in at the entry level with a college degree? What is the use of studying what you like if you have to do something totally irrelevant and that you hate?

And I'm being selective in what I call a career at this point- almost anyone can get hired in sales, when the economy is okay, and if you're good at it, you can build a 10 year career and then maybe move up the ladder. But I'm taking about a different type of career. And I'm not talking about medical either because there is almost always a need for that but I don't clean up @!&%, puke and piss- sorry.

And it is a fact. What I said, in general. There are the few exceptions, but in general that is how the world works.

Anyways, thanks for all the other comments to. This isn't a bashing board or a post your life complaints board and I took a lot of time off away from these boards to gather my thoughts and "get over it" - the past that is because complaining about it only makes me look bad and of course the majority of society will refuse to believe what I have to say because it will burst their happy bubbles.

The point is that I get so tired of people looking down on others who do put the effort in. Our society is so "pull yourself up by your boot stripes" that most people fail to see that life is NOT that simple. And living in California doesn't help. And I've sent applications all over the Country before, willing to relocate for the right job. But I am not the type of person to move to a new city or state without a job first. No job, no move from the soul sucking desert.
Okay, new subject for me :teeth:

Edited by Jellyfishluv, 29 November 2009 - 09:25 PM.

:fish2: Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming...

#267 Jellyfishluv

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Posted 29 November 2009 - 10:14 PM

Jellyfishluv thank you for opening up to your friends and yes extended family here! I knew things were tough for you and I recall being particularly happy with your extra special wedding present to me... 'coming to my wedding'. I was thrilled that you could share that and I guess now it means even more giving some of the insight you've shared!

And many of us have made choices that others do not understand. That is fine...leaders/innovators/movers&shakers do that...they march to the beat of a different drummer. The trick is being happy with YOUR choices because they are YOUR choices. Others make their choices and you make your choices. And no matter what they are you need to be happy with them.

Pursuing a life such as yours in some ways is not entirely different than starting a business from scratch and giving up everything to make it work despite the fact that it is never going to be a financial hit just as being an archeologist is not usually a lucrative career. But its what you love...so be happy knowing you are doing what you love or doing what you need to do to get there. (This is the journey part they talk about all the time!) LOL! :teeth:



WW, I'm so glad I was able to go to your wedding. I think it's great when two people find each other and make a commitment to each other. I only wish I could do more things with ya'll. I enjoy diving and I enjoy your company. It's great to have a group to dive with; to travel with. Scuba is no inexpensive hobby and to pay single sup. and have no underwater buddy stinks. I only wish I could find the time and the money to sign up for another trip! I'm in desperate need of a real Vacation!
:fish2: Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming...




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