266 replies to this topic

[georoc01]

Yeah but different responses I'm sure. Besides sounds like it will be a great discussion!

I'm not complaining. I need all the help I can get!

Somehow I find that hard to believe...but then you haven't tried to date me!

But speaking from a lot of experience being single...you just need to meet some great SingleDivers.com ladies! And well I think you are a keeper...so don't be surprised when I tell you "I told you so!!!"

Kamala, do you just say that to all the guys??

[Scubatooth]

I think in general we all miss signals that are meant to be showing a interest in someone, some catch it and then some don't. My biggest problem is that im rather shy for the most part (introvert with extroverted tendencies - ie I really can be a people person if i have to but it can be like pulling teeth with a alligator). This part of me is what normally how i miss the clues as I dont go out much, that and I must be looking in all the wrong place. One day i will find the right person but dont know when (better sooner then later).

Then there are some of us on SD (one in particular) that have to have it brought to there attention(like a club to the head) to fish or cut bait as if they they dont fish someone else was going to persue the fish. Fortuantely this person saw it in enough time and as they say the rest is history. You think i could put that in enough code, without saying it point blank!

Tooth

[Topless]

Kamala, do you just say that to all the guys??

Nah, just me. Because I'm SPECIAL.

I ride the short bus.

[swfladiver]

I have been know to have to be hit by a 2x4, even had one girl flat out hand me her number and say call me for dinner after talking to her for 10 minutes some of us are just hopeless, lol

[Houston Squid]

"How do you know if someone is interested in you?"


When there is a hand on my willy and it's not mine.

In all other cases I just default to women are just being nice and conversational.

Squidly

[shadragon]

When there is a hand on my willy and it's not mine.

Yeah, I stopped taking the bus because of that...

I have found interest equates to communication first, then interaction. You start talking and then move onto common interests or activities. If you click there, you move onto the good stuff. Problem is getting the communication started. 80% of the time it breaks down there.

I have been rocked back on my heels many times by asking a woman out I thought was interested, but she wasn't. My pile of fake phone numbers, unanswered emails and being stood up on dates can attest to that. Then I have asked out women I thought would say no and they said yes. !?

Here is a good example: Went to a house party a few years ago and met a lady there. We were hitting it off well and so I asked her out for a coffee to carry on the conversation. She was visibly annoyed and border line offended and left soon afterwards making me feel like a complete idiot for ruining her evening and mine for that matter. Two weeks later I find out from a mutual friend that she regretted saying no and would "love it" if I called her. She is still waiting for my call... Games like that, I have no interest in playing...

[Houston Squid]

We were hitting it off well and so I asked her out for a coffee

This used to be a cool way to meet someone who was fairly unknown to you. But this topic came up on another board I follow and apparently the new consensus is asking someone out for coffee is a no no.

The women on the other board (not all) said that if a man really wants to get to know her then they should devote enough time for a proper date.

I know not all women are going to agree with what I just wrote -- but I am just the messenger. Going for a lunch or coffee makes perfect sense because it is brief and you don't have to devote a whole evening if there is the risk of no connection.

If there is a connection on this brief encounter then you can ask for another date to "extend the conversation."

But this very point I am making just goes to prove the expectations between men and woman differ and vary greatly sometimes and often enough that is amazing our population grows at the rate it does.

Edited by Houston Squid, 26 August 2007 - 05:52 AM.

[drbill]

Ask her out for coffee? No.

If she is really interested, a good way to show it is for her to ask me out to dinner! After all, we're supposed to be on equal footing now so why shouldn't the lady do the asking if she's interested?

[secretsea18]

Ask her out for coffee? No.

If she is really interested, a good way to show it is for her to ask me out to dinner! After all, we're supposed to be on equal footing now so why shouldn't the lady do the asking if she's interested?

Believe it or not, Bill, sometime ladies DO invite the gentleman out for a date, and also get that same response.
In Simon's case, if she said "No" and changes her mind, then it is upon her to re-initiate the date. Some of us don't give out false phone numbers and do return calls.

[drbill]

Ask her out for coffee? No.

If she is really interested, a good way to show it is for her to ask me out to dinner! After all, we're supposed to be on equal footing now so why shouldn't the lady do the asking if she's interested?

Believe it or not, Bill, sometime ladies DO invite the gentleman out for a date, and also get that same response.
In Simon's case, if she said "No" and changes her mind, then it is upon her to re-initiate the date. Some of us don't give out false phone numbers and do return calls.

Agree there are women who DO this and I have nothing but respect for their assertiveness (even if I decline). However, there are still a lot of women (at least here in LA LA Land) who feel the male does the asking (although they may do their best to make it obvious) and then does all the paying... for the dinners, theater, diving, her clothes, etc.

Of course if there is a significant imbalance in the incomes, this can be acceptable. What I found worked best with me was when I was with women who felt that the one initiating the date paid for it. That way they could select things to do within their budgets, and I could do likewise. I've met several women like this and the relationships generally persisted nicely until a major dislocation (usually a move by them or me to a different area).

What I absolutely dislike is when the women contributes little to the relationship in terms of initiation or expects the man to cover everything despite the fact she is earning a reasonable salary. That's the "old model" in my books. I had one woman who felt I should buy her everything she saw that she wanted (clothes, jewelry, dinners, etc.) I ended up buying her a one way ticket back to the mainland... much cheaper in the long run!

Edited by drbill, 27 August 2007 - 08:57 AM.

[shadragon]

In Simon's case, if she said "No" and changes her mind, then it is upon her to re-initiate the date. Some of us don't give out false phone numbers and do return calls.

True. I don't want to paint all ladies with the same brush. There are jerks on both sides of the gender fence and as always a few always ruin it for the majority. Straight forward communication is the way to go. "Oh that's very nice, but I am seeing someone" is the usual stand-by line if they are not interested and that is fine. Saves a lot of disappointment.

[Neptuner]

Exceptionally witty as always DrBill... thanks for the laughs!

I would agree that who asks who first is a perfect 50/50 split these days... or at least it should be. Women are certainly capable of asking men, just as much as we are of asking them... perhaps more so, as I think they deal with rejection a little better than we do. And in many cases (at least myself personally), if a woman has the gumption to ask me out, I will go out at least once with her, just out of politeness ,assuming I'm not involved with someone else at the time. I'm not going to lead her on or anything, but there's nothing wrong with enjoying an evening out with a female friend, right?

That being said, I think it's a huge mistake to get hung up on who asks who first with respect to anything in life. After you've been best friends with someone for 20 years, does it really matter who approached who first? Once you've found the love of your life, are you really keeping a score card that shows you asked her out first? No, of course not... it's something that quickly becomes irrelevant in any good relationship. I think that's one of the greatest failures in our society today... many people assume that it is the other person's "responsbility" to approach them first and it is this kind of selfish attitude that leads to many more strangers in our lives than friends... sad but true.

[shadragon]

Ask her out for coffee? No.

If she is really interested, a good way to show it is for her to ask me out to dinner! After all, we're supposed to be on equal footing now so why shouldn't the lady do the asking if she's interested?

Yeah, but then you get the 'dinner daters' who show more interest in the filet mignon than you. It is a better option for them than macaroni and cheese.

Reminds me of the film Mystery Men when William H. Macy's character "The Shoveller" says: "We've got an blind date with Destiny, and it looks like she ordered the lobster."

[WreckWench]

You know...when you meet someone you are CRAZY about...you plum forget who's supposed to ask whom out first. You just try to figure out the best way to ask them!

[Topless]

You know...when you meet someone you are CRAZY about...you plum forget who's supposed to ask whom out first. You just try to figure out the best way to ask them!

And some of us are just plain crazy!