15 replies to this topic

[grim reefer]

Edit:<div>My question has been answered.</div><div>Thank you all for your support.

</div>

Edited by grim reefer, 03 February 2012 - 11:33 AM.

[Landlocked Dive Nut]

I think that since the divorce is not final, she is just trying to complicate your efforts at moving on. Childish (but not unusual) behavior. I think if you flirt, or try to hook up on these sites before the divorce is final, she'd be all up in your business, so don't give her that opportunity. Find dive buddies & go diving, but try not to publicly flirt until the strings are cut.

The good (??) news is that there are a LOT of people named Joe....maybe she'll find another Joe to hassle soon! And after the divorce, she will just look pathetic if she continues to stalk you on these sites.

You can always hang out on this site, too....we protect our members from flaming & trolls!

Just my 2psi.

[shadragon]

" I don't always dive EAN, but when I do, I dive EAN32."

Actually, you do dive EAN all the time. EAN21 technically.

[lv2dive70]

" I don't always dive EAN, but when I do, I dive EAN32."

Actually, you do dive EAN all the time. EAN21 technically.

i was laughing out loud at your response but then i thought about it....Isn't EAN - ENRICHED air Nitrox? where is the Enriched in EAN21?

[shadragon]

i was laughing out loud at your response but then i thought about it....Isn't EAN - ENRICHED air Nitrox? where is the Enriched in EAN21?

Regular air that you and I breathe is 20.9%. So EAN21 is enriched by 0.1%.

I found this website online that teached tech diving. Their quote was "The course examines the use of EAN 21 through 100% (oxygen) for optimal mixes to a depth of 150 ft. / 45 m."

So while 'EAN' probably should not be used to describe regular air, some folks do use that term. I also found references to EAN 16 and EAN 18 which by definition would be wrong. I leave it to another thread to debate the validity of that as I think I inadvertently hijacked the thread. Sorry.

[lv2dive70]

i was laughing out loud at your response but then i thought about it....Isn't EAN - ENRICHED air Nitrox? where is the Enriched in EAN21?

Regular air that you and I breathe is 20.9%. So EAN21 is enriched by 0.1%.

Fair enough

Returning you to your regularly scheduled thread...

Edited by Kate P, 12 January 2012 - 07:10 AM.

[lv2dive70]

... Why are you allowing that person to live rent-free in your head, concerned about what they may or may not do?

Live your life; you are the only one who can do so and stop worrying about the folk who no longer are a part of it. Quit pushing your emotional buttons for them by obsessing over their actions.

Since I've been a part of a side-track of this thread I thought I'd respond to this very sage advice.

I've spent more time than I care to admit, letting a situation live rent-free in my head. Unfortunately, the point above is obviously an easier scrip to write than to take... But the flip side is, it's good advice - letting go is the best thing I've done in a while. What I have found personally, is that it is easier to accomplish a positive than a negative - so rather than say I am going to stop thinking about something - I try to look for other (healthier) things on which to start focusing my head's real estate. (so, instead of "I'm not going think about 'x'" - I try to go to "Let me think about 'Y'")

Not sure if that makes sense but hope something resonates!

[Neptuner]

Hi Grim Reefer!

Not that I am any kind of expert on anything, other than maybe having fun... but here is my two cents worth.

First, in any advice book I have ever read about divorce, the term "ex-wife" is more appropriately used as an adjective rather than a noun, especially if you need to maintain any ties with the former spouse (ie: kids, family, etc.) Simply calling someone "ex-wife" or "my ex" takes away there identity, so it is more acceptable to say something like, "This is my ex-wife, Susan" or something along those lines. Just a little mind trick that reminds you they have an identity, especially if kids or other ties are involved out of necessity.

Secondly, who cares what she joins and where? If she wants to follow you around the world and back, on-line or whatever, let her. That ship has already sailed if you two are in divorce proceedings, right? What she does and why is no longer your concern and you don't need to even give it a second thought. Trying to figure out a relationship partner's motivation and mindset is hard enough when they are connected to you, but virtually impossible when no communication is taking place, as is commonly the case in divorce. While I wouldn't rush out and get involved with someone right away (we all need healing time), I certainly wouldn't worry about flirting on-line or anything like that, just be yourself and let the cards fall where they may. Life is not about concerning yourself with how other people see you, especially if that other person is someone who has chosen NOT to be a part of your life. Life is about letting yourself be the true person that you have always wanted to be, no boundaries, no limits, no hesitation... and when you do that, new people, perhaps even a new relationship, will simply gravitate towards you... and they will more than likely be much more oompatible with you, because you are being your true self at that point. Bottom line... just dance brother... don't worry about who is watching or what they think... just dance to your heart's content! Carpe diem!

[WreckWench]

First let me say I'm in a very serious place right now...we have a dying family member we are attending too. So that being said my reply will be firmly planted in the "Don't sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff" realm.

A wise person taught me a long time ago that its as much of a sin to *be* offended as it is to offend. No one can hurt you unless you let them. No one can push your buttons unless you let them. For whatever reasons you are still drawn to each other...first in positive ways and now in negative ways. However you both can choose to let it go. Or you can and eventually there is no fuel to fan the flames.

Neptuner is right...your *ex* is still a person. She is someone you once loved and cared for and someone you may share children with or other ties. She deserves the same respect that you desire for yourself. We all do.

So don't look for problems...trust me they will find you without any help. And when problems find you... let them go. Remember its as much a sin to be offended as it is to offend.

So be true to yourself and others until you are officially divorced regardless of how long it takes and how "divorced you feel" as you are not until you are. Its that simple. Use the time to work on YOU! Healing takes time and this is a good use of this time.

Every failed relationship has two sides to it...look at the things you should have done differently and work on those NOW while you are healing.

And remember...don't sweat the small stuff...and yes its all small stuff.

[grim reefer]

Thanks to all of you for helping provide some much needed perspective.

[little mermaid]

Being in my career for the past 22 years, it has been an incredible study of human nature, good, bad and lots of other things in between. Many people have never learned to play well in the sand box and become resentful, petty and unreasonable. Your best effort for yourself will be to be the bigger person and work on being happy with ourself in your new adventure. I will be an adventure, you are the one that can control the path. Sometimes you just want to say "grow up"!!!!!! Best of luck

[grim reefer]

Update.

I have found out that it was indeed my estranged wife Stephanie (not her real name) who created that account. I haven't been dating anyone or even flirting online- and there isn't anyone to flirt with over there anyway even if I was so inclined. The trigger was when one of my buddies found out I was going back to Florida for cave diving just two weeks after I had got back, he asked "weren't you just there?" and I replied "Sometimes it's a bitch being single." My comment really hurt her feelings on a number of fronts. Her response to that was to create the account. It's just speculation on my part based on past behavior that she was planning to flame me and (thankfully) thought better of it.

[WreckWench]

Joe that is good news...the truth will set you free. However do not forget that the internet lives forever..well mostly forever. Even posts here can be read and perhaps used against you. Granted we have far fewer people on our site and even fewer who desire to live vicariously thru other's people's drama... BUT we do have some amazing people who truly want to help and spend their time and energy to share similar experiences for those who want to help themselves.

So I'm sure there are lots of learning experiences here now and going forward. And remembering your ex-wife is a real person and not just some adjective on a message board will help you close this chapter in your life and allow you to move onward and upward.

And thank you for setting the record straight. Kamala

[grim reefer]

we do have some amazing people who truly want to help and spend their time and energy to share similar experiences for those who want to help themselves. So I'm sure there are lots of learning experiences here now and going forward.

I'll take support from wherever I can get it, Thank you! :-)

I have also hooked up with a group of people locally who have recently gone through, or who are going through similar experiences and that has been a real godsend.

And remembering your ex-wife is a real person and not just some adjective on a message board will help you close this chapter in your life and allow you to move onward and upward.

I agree. I used a fictitious name in my last post as an effort to respect both her humanity and her privacy.

And thank you for setting the record straight.

Although that has sometimes got me in trouble in the past I thought it was important in this case.