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Age Differences


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#1 ScubaKim

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 11:26 AM

I have a situation where I could use some guidenance. :(

I am 28, for the past year I have had an interest in a few people but never actually amounted to anything because the people I tent to meet (either through Scuba or work) seem to be a lot older than me. I am talking on average 42. Not that it is an old age, I just think it is too much of a diffenence between 28. THink about it when I am 40 they wold be 65. That could cause some physical challenges.

Am I correct on this or am I missing out on opportunities?

ScubaKim :idea:

#2 zendiver

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 11:31 AM

Kim,

Take it from an OLD MAN, follow your heart and you WILL never go wrong. Age is merely a number.

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#3 Diverlady

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 11:36 AM

I wouldn't worry too much about the age difference. It's more important that you share common interests. I went on a couple of dates with a younger guy once. The problem was he was at a different stage in his life from where I was and I didn't want to "go there".
I say, take the chance to explore the possibilities!

(Hey, you hang out with me and I'm plenty older! Closer in age in fact, to those guys you're referring to! :( )

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#4 jextract

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 12:14 PM

I had the identical situation a little while ago and it was a deal-breaker. I'm 41 and the woman I was with was 51, even though she looked and acted 35. Our personalities were a good match and she even used to be a half-owner of a large dive boat out here (OK, I'm really kicking myself now). But I faced the same questions you now are. I still want to have a family and obviously she's not in the same place in her life. So it didn't work out. But I have faith that ultimately I'll find what I'm looking for ... who knows, maybe here? I'm sure you will, too; just don't lose sight of the kind of person and relationship you want. As diverlady mentioned, common interests are key, but also are common values and goals. And you ultimately want to wind up with your best friend after looks and everything else fade.

42? Old? You're KILLIN' me....
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#5 Dejah

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 12:17 PM

Scubakim,

I have to agree with what everyone else has said, age is only a number and shouldn't be a deciding factor if you want to see someone, if you feel an attraction to this person then date and see how things go then if later things didn't work out at least you can say you gave it a shot.

Dejah

#6 Walter

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 12:26 PM

Kim,

I'll take a slightly different viewpoint. Age matters if it matters to you.

I would personally not be comfortable dating a woman the age of either my parents or my kids. Other than that, I'm pretty flexible. I've been involved with younger and older women as well as those close to my own age.

If either of you is not comfortable with the age difference, you need to move on. OTOH, if you are both attracted, don't let what others might think get in your way.

Jamie,

I'm not looking to have more children, wanna send me a PM with her number?

Walter
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#7 ScubaKim

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 01:13 PM

:( To all that replied.

I want to agee with most of you that age does not matter, but I just have problems imagining a 65 year old running after multiple small or pre-teen children all the time. It is one thing to babysit the grandchildren but I would feel that my potential future kids would be missing out on something. Like dad not being able to play catch in the back yard or worse, not having a daughter walked down the isle by her father because he is 80 at this point. :-D

But on the other hand, just because I date someone does not mean I have to marry them right. :idea:

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#8 Dejah

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 01:18 PM

But on the other hand, just because I date soemone does not mean I have to marry them right. :(

ScubaKim

You are exactly right on that one!

#9 Walter

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 01:34 PM

But on the other hand, just because I date someone does not mean I have to marry them right.


True, but love is unpredictable. You might. I agree with you, I'm too old to have more children. While I could handle children, I don't want to do so. I've raised one set and am ready to concentrate on other issues. I'm ready to dive on weekends, not go to ball games and recitals.

It's important to find someone with compatible goals.

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#10 Latitude Adjustment

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 01:34 PM

I have the reverse problem, women my age are not interested in diving and certainetly not interested in living on a sailboat in the tropics. :dltears:
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#11 Marvel

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 01:47 PM

I had the identical situation a little while ago and it was a deal-breaker. I'm 41 and the woman I was with was 51, even though she looked and acted 35. Our personalities were a good match and she even used to be a half-owner of a large dive boat out here (OK, I'm really kicking myself now). But I faced the same questions you now are. I still want to have a family and obviously she's not in the same place in her life. So it didn't work out. But I have faith that ultimately I'll find what I'm looking for ... who knows, maybe here? I'm sure you will, too; just don't lose sight of the kind of person and relationship you want. As diverlady mentioned, common interests are key, but also are common values and goals. And you ultimately want to wind up with your best friend after looks and everything else fade.

42? Old? You're KILLIN' me....

Hey Kim,

I'll speak from my experiences on both sides of the question & actually let it all hang out :idea: ! (Oh, Lord, don't let me regret this)
When I was younger, I dated older men at times. Then, when I was in my mid-thirties I dated a guy 8 years younger than me for about 2 years. We actually broke up not because of the age thing, but because he is Swedish & went back to his country. The distance factor was harder to deal with that the age factor.
More recently, I spent nearly 4 years with a man 16 years younger than me & yes, the age difference factored greatly in our break up. He wanted more children- I can't have any- all I could offer in return were my 3 beautiful grandchildren(2 at the time)! There were other differences that were directly related to our ages as well. The worst part was that he has a daughter who became a daughter to me & that I will probably never see again. It hurts to help raise a child, teach her to read & swim & then be excluded.
So yes, there can be problems & heartaches getting involved with someone outside your immediate age group. But on the other hand staying within a certain range is no guarantee of success either! I recently dated someone my own age only to have him decide that he now wants children. (This is geting to be a pattern here)
I did not consider it as difficult to date older men- society accepts that type of pairing more readily & if marriage & children had ensued it would probably have worked out ok. I'm not sure, however, because I think that having children in your 40's & 50's to be foolish & selfish to the extreme. JMHO :(
The one thing that I will say about all of this is that I have never, ever regretted the experiences. I loved & learned in all of them. I say, follow your heart. If you are truly attracted to someone, go for it. If, on the other hand, you are considering dating someone just to have someone to date- DON'T!! You will be doing both them & yourself a true disservice. Just my two cents.
Marvel

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#12 DandyDon

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 02:04 PM

Sure, age differences are important. Don't chase any many over 62, Kim!! :idea:

Seriously (I hate it when that happens), if we're discussing romantic interests that could possibily lead to commitments, it looks like the possibility of children could be the deciding factor in many cases - frequent enough to make that a factor to consider up front.

I took myself out of that picture when I hit 40. Over the years, I've known women who tried to get me to have it reversed (Not Happening!), and even one lovely 30-something lady who left our first date saying: "Well, if you know anyone who's interested in having a family, give him my number." Lovely, but a little desperate? :(

Anyway, if you're 28 and hoping to have kids in the future, 40-something men probably are not your market.

Best wishs, don

Edited by DandyDon, 07 April 2004 - 02:05 PM.

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#13 ScubaKim

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 02:06 PM

If you are truly attracted to someone, go for it. If, on the other hand, you are considering dating someone just to have someone to date- DON'T!! You will be doing both them & yourself a true disservice.


That is so true, you do not want to miss opportunites to find love but you don't want to make them up either. That is what I am concerned about. Giving something a try when you deep down in your heart you know it won't work out. Therefore leading him on and eventually hurting him.

#14 Lubold8431

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 04:01 PM

Well, I have a HUGE issue with the age thing. I have two older sisters, one is 33, and the other is 36. I am 28. I could never date anyone my sisters age or older. Just makes me feel weird. More over, I have never dated anyone older than me. Usually three to five years younger than me. I dont know why, usually just ends up that way.
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#15 Starfish Sandy

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Posted 07 April 2004 - 04:24 PM

Here goes my input - :( One of my closest friends who is my age (41) just married a 22 y/o young lady this weekend. He appears to be very happy and wants more children - I myself agree with some of the others - My son will be 18 in September and I am ready to travel and dive. :idea: So, as said earlier - go with your heart! Good luck!

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