7 replies to this topic

[scubajen]

I see all of these amazing trips and though my husband supports me doing things without him and the kids, I feel very guilty about the idea of traveling without them. Is this normal or am I crazy? He has told me I should plan for trips that I want to do and he doesn't want to stop me from things I enjoy but it is incredibly hard for me to plan a trip were they aren't coming along. It doesn't bother me to take daytrips when our schedule allows but the idea of leaving the country seems impossible. Does anyone else have this problem? Also, are there any other ladies with non-diving husbands?

[Sharklover]

1371151108[/url]' post='310160']
I see all of these amazing trips and though my husband supports me doing things without him and the kids, I feel very guilty about the idea of traveling without them. Is this normal or am I crazy? He has told me I should plan for trips that I want to do and he doesn't want to stop me from things I enjoy but it is incredibly hard for me to plan a trip were they aren't coming along. It doesn't bother me to take daytrips when our schedule allows but the idea of leaving the country seems impossible. Does anyone else have this problem? Also, are there any other ladies with non-diving husbands?

Scuba Jen, I am not married, so I can't speak to your situation very well, but fwiw, I think it is lovely and healthy that your family encourages you to dive! And to have some time where ou take care of you. Let me ask you this though, if not for guilt, would YOU be happy without them being present?
One of my best friends is married, and we travel often without her hubby and child along. Her job is flexible, and her hubbies and child's school schedule less so. It is really good for her.
Pick something and give it a try!

[WreckWench]

We each have our own unique 'me time' hobbies and past times that help us keep our sanity. When that hobby is as exciting as Diving...its hard when you can't share it directly with the people you love. Some use pictures to help bridge that gap...others video...and some even figure out how to bring their family/spouse a long for the ride. (This Florida here as an option as its a place the family can travel with you.)

We do have a number of women who's husband do not dive. Yet they support them by encouraging them to be members of our site and to actively travel because the site solves the travel problems of all people who do not have dive buddies.

We used to have an amazing couple who could not travel at the same time so each would pick a trip and travel with us. While not perfect...it did allow them the safety and structure our organization provides AND they got to take dream trips while still sharing other vacation/time together. In this case they both were divers but the same applies to non-divers. You are always welcome to bring your non-diving spouse with you and on some trips we can be kid friendly as well. Its a non-issue when the non-diving spouse takes care of the kids.

Now about the guilt...we always feel guilty when we are apart from our spouses and having fun. If we are working it does not produce guilt UNLESS we control our work schedules. But if we are having fun and we are away...it always produces guilt. IF HOWEVER...that little time away makes you a better wife and parent then you can focus on that and from what you are saying...your family gets it. They probably know how you are before diving and then how you are after diving and they /> you better after you have taken some time for yourself so you are re-energized when you get back.

Let's face it...if you were a spa girl and took time away from the family to be pampered and indulge in some 'me' time...we wouldn't be having this discussion. But diving is really very similar to 'spa time' for many people. But as you say...you don't typically fly to another country to go to the spa but you do to go diving. Hence the guilt.

So I would focus on diving as much in the US as you can for now as it is easier for your family to join you and maybe consider one trip out of country like our Roatan trip which is super easy and super inexpensive and do the thing(s) which heal and recharge you as a person so you can continue to be a super mom and wife! />

[Diver Ed]

I will approach this from the other side. When I was married, I was limited in the solo travel that I could do, due to issues in the relationship. I resented the constraints on my travel. Now divorced, and in a much healthier relationship, I am doing a lot more solo travel. I know my girlfriend really misses me when I am away, and wishes that we were together, but she also knows the love that I have for diving and travel. She encourages me to take my trips ( within reason of course ), and I love and appreciate her for that. I spent many years traveling, and not wanting my trip to end. Now, I am looking forward to getting home as much as I was looking forward to the trip. I do spend a lot of time on my trips thinking about her, and wishing that she was with me. I also find that I am enjoying my trip more now, knowing that she is happy that I am doing something that I love, even though she is unable to be a part of it. Another aspect of this is that there have been a couple of things that she wanted to do, but knew that I would not be interested in. Had I not done a couple of solo trips, she would have passed on those opportunities, as she knew that they were not something that would involve me. Now she will tell me about an opportunity, and I say wonderful. I have always believed that you should put a majority of the focus on the other person when you are in a relationship. That should happen naturally out of love for each other. I never felt that that meant that your significant other has to be involved in 100% of your life. Having outside interests makes for a healthier relationship. You both obviously trust each other as he is supporting you is doing things without him. That is a great thing. The few times that she did some thing without me, after me telling her that I supported her and wanted her to go, probably gave me more happiness in knowing that she was having a great time, than it even gave her. I felt I was focusing on our relationship, and on her, by encouraging her to do what she wanted, even though I was staying home. I think you are a lot better off taking a trip such as Florida, Roatan, Bahamas, etc... and find out how your feelings are after the trip, as well as how your husband feels after your trip, as opposed to not taking a trip because you think you will feel guilty. It was more important for me to have my girlfriend take her first trip with out me that it was for her. She wanted to back out at the last minute because she felt guilty about going without me. She ended up having a great time, and I was so happy for her. Unless you try it, you will never know.

I see all of these amazing trips and though my husband supports me doing things without him and the kids, I feel very guilty about the idea of traveling without them. Is this normal or am I crazy? He has told me I should plan for trips that I want to do and he doesn't want to stop me from things I enjoy but it is incredibly hard for me to plan a trip were they aren't coming along. It doesn't bother me to take daytrips when our schedule allows but the idea of leaving the country seems impossible. Does anyone else have this problem? Also, are there any other ladies with non-diving husbands?

[scubajen]

Thank you. I have been away from my husband quite a bit but it is because of his work. I have never been away from the kids and admit that I will probably miss them more. I am sure I can get past the guilt but it also feels odd since most of the buddyless women I have met are single. The expensive trips are out of reach right now anyway and we discussed waiting until after Christmas to renew passports. I don't see me having the time and money to go out of country this year anyway with a Disney trip coming up. I was actually told to do the NC trip but we are waiting on some medical things to be decided and unfortunately his appointments were moved back, so no idea what is happening there. I can't plan a trip and then have them decide he needs surgery at that point. It isn't anything serious but would prevent him from being able to deal with kids on his own. I think I will look to plan a trip soon and leave them behind.

[Sharklover]

Thank you. I have been away from my husband quite a bit but it is because of his work. I have never been away from the kids and admit that I will probably miss them more. I am sure I can get past the guilt but it also feels odd since most of the buddyless women I have met are single. The expensive trips are out of reach right now anyway and we discussed waiting until after Christmas to renew passports. I don't see me having the time and money to go out of country this year anyway with a Disney trip coming up. I was actually told to do the NC trip but we are waiting on some medical things to be decided and unfortunately his appointments were moved back, so no idea what is happening there. I can't plan a trip and then have them decide he needs surgery at that point. It isn't anything serious but would prevent him from being able to deal with kids on his own. I think I will look to plan a trip soon and leave them behind.

My favorite dive buddy is a married woman with two children under the age of 6. Her husband is also certified, but he only likes the tropical diving, and she and I are avid NC wreck divers and shark lovers. He happily plays dad for her to dive frequently. There is nothing odd about it for the two of us, we are just two women pursuing a hobby we're passionate about. Really the only difference is that she does some crazy drives at odd hours in order for her to minimize the number of nights away from home.

Best of luck to your husband in resolving his medical issues and I hope you get to dive soon!

[scubajen]

I will be diving soon. Day trips have never been an issue. It is new to me to take a trip alone since being married. When I was single, the only concern was can I afford it, and can I get the time off work. His medical issues aren't typically a problem but if they decide on surgery he will be laid up for a few weeks and it would be horrible for me to leave him with 2 kids 6 and under. I am glad he is supportive and doesn't make me feel bad for enjoying diving. He was open to learning early in our relationship but discovered he really isn't interested in more than snorkeling and even that isn't a huge draw for him. It is nice for us to have our own identities and hobbies that are different. Getting back to diving will be empowering for me since I have spent the past few years raising babies and following him around the country.

[WreckWench]

Jen it sounds like your approach is very healthy and you have a very supportive and loving husband!

Cyberdiving via the forums for now is ok too! You'll just appreciate when you get wet again that much more. We'd love to have you join one of our trip and perhaps Bonaire next year will work otherwise we'll be doing Florida again and hopefully the Cooper River out of Charleston to look for MEG TEETH! (Your kids will love what you find!)

You are practically a neighbor so if you do decide to dive a bit more locally I'm sure we can put something together and I'll do a local dive or two with you.

I the opinions and perspectives shared so far. Leslie is single. I'm married to a diver that I rarely get to dive with and I'm ALWAYS gone and Ed was married and now has a significant other.

Great perspectives from great people. THAT is what makes our community so special. I hope you'll continue to ask questions and reply to those asked by others. Its fun sharing and actually we all end up learning...not just the person asking the question!