4 replies to this topic

[Walter]

FROM: Jackie Pokershinski Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Nov 16, 2004
RE: Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will
be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
------
FROM: Jackie Pokershinski Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Nov 17, 2004
RE: Holiday Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
-----
FROM: Jackie Pokershinski Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Nov 18, 2004
RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
-----
FROM: Jackie Pokershinski Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: Nov 19, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
-----
FROM: Jackie Pokershinski Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: Nov 20, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate
how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your
meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take
it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've
arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men,
each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for
the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the
salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert
for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
-----
FROM: Jackie Pokershinski Human Resources Director
TO: All &#$@!%* Employees
DATE: Nov 21, 2004
RE: The Damned Holiday Party


Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly
put it, and you'll get your damned salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right
NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die!
The Witch from HELL!!!!!!!!
-----
FROM: Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: Nov 22, 2004
RE: Jackie Pokershinski

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Jackie speedy recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has
decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!

[Dejah]

Good one, thanks for the early morning laugh!

Dejah

[ScubaHawk]

Funny Stuff! Right on time too, Thanks

[jextract]

I don't think it would be so funny if there wasn't such a large grain of truth running through it!

[Neptuner]

You're right Jamie, that's the secret to all good comedy... people can relate. Thanks for sharing Walter!