328 replies to this topic

[WreckWench]

Yeah, but we work in the same field .......... so that could also be the reason for the c-#.

True, not likely, but possible. If you're interested, you should still call.

Walter...he initiated the asking for the business card so it is likely he will initiate the first conversation and RIGHTLY should. If he doesn't then DL has to decide why he didn't i.e. busy at work, or just not interested. If DL wants to pursue...then it is ok for her to do so as long as she has a plausable reason for doing so i.e. work related etc. If he is smart he'll see through the gesture and figure out she is interested.

I have however learned the hard way...that men want...like...and need to pursue..ie. be the hunter...so I find it better to let them do that...however I'll make it as easy as I can for them to do just that!!!

You know the old saying....he caught her just as soon as she let him!!!

And as for being honest about why you are making eye contact or staring at a guy...I still find it better to act as if I may know them....if they turn out to be a really scary person when the guy opens his mouth or I need a quick exit like when a girlfriend shows up from the ladies room...then I can easily say "I guess I don't know you afterall but have a great evening etc."

Besides since I'm blonde....it is ALWAYS a true statement for me to say...you look familiar!!! LOL!!! Speaking of which...do I know me???? I seem so familiar!!!

[Walter]

Double standard and outdated, my dear.

[mischievous]

okay...but here's the spiff with initiating contact. this guy gave me his business card and wrote his cell number on the back. he called me two days later (a thursday), and we talked for awhile (maybe too long, but he wouldn't hang up), and i mentioned that he should contact me after he got home from his medical conference in atlanta. well, i was driving down to austin on friday, was getting sleepy, and decided to jump the gun and call him. he seemed genuinely interested to hear from me, but i haven't heard back from him since. (mid-march). how, guys, do you explain that? interested guy, great conversation, obvious chemistry, and it all turns out to be a lemon.

[GentDiver]

how, guys, do you explain that? interested guy, great conversation, obvious chemistry, and it all turns out to be a lemon.

Hmm, odd. It may have been bad timing, or he may not have been what he said (married or already seeing someone). Of course it could be that he just is really bad about following up. I have friends like that.

[RICHinNC]

scott summed it up right there....minus.....the guy was an absolute blithering gene pool throw back not to call a cutie like you back.....and i mean that in the most respectful ..nongeeky way
rich

[mischievous]

but you can understand why nycamico would even ask what guys like and why DL would question the guy's motives. two things are popular today.
1. equal opportunity. men will like agressive women. it's flattering.
2. men like to be the agressors. if you initiate contact, it makes it too easy for them and then they get bored.

i've had both ways. waiting for the guy to initiate contact or at least follow through when i smile or blantantly brush up against him usually gets tedious and i feel like i've missed opportunities. sometimes guys will pick up, but most of the time they don't. i hear the BS answer that they're intimidated, but really guys...how lame is that. you see a gorgeous car, power tool, or new scuba toy that you could never afford and you have to at least gawk at it if not touch it. why not the same for women? the women or men that think they're too good to be approached are usually not the norm, and if that's all you run into, i'm sorry that so many ego-hungry snobs frequent the spots you like to chill at. find a new spot and talk to down to earth girls like me and the rest of sd.com. we'll be in bonaire dancing with our pink elephants.

however, when i have been a tad more agressive and pursued, then i end up with silence. ack bien doogenstein! a friend of mine in high school, very striking, went up to a guy and said, "you're beautiful" and walked away. simple, direct, in a non-threatening tone. that guy talked to his teammate, who knew my BF, who talked to me, and i talked to her, and they got set up on a date and then he just stopped calling after the first date even though it went well on both their sides (i heard it from him and her). what happened? he got spooked by an agressive woman, perhaps.

[WreckWench]

Double standard and outdated, my dear.

Sorry but I've been a new age woman for years....and that is the reality in more cases then not. Men find themselves on uncertain ground regarding so many things...they tend to take comfort in the few areas that still remain traditionally 'theirs'.

Now I'm not arguing men wouldn't be thrilled to be asked out by a woman...BUT it is very new ground for women and I'm not suggesting that women don't ask guys out...I'm just suggesting they do it under neutral terms so that they can actually speak to the guy when they approach him and/or can escape easily if something goes haywire.

[idive2]

he seemed genuinely interested to hear from me, but i haven't heard back from him since. (mid-march). how, guys, do you explain that? interested guy, great conversation, obvious chemistry, and it all turns out to be a lemon.

married and on the make ?

[mischievous]

hi idive2! don't forget to post an intro so we can all say "hi"! no, he wasn't married and didn't have a girlfriend. he brought up the topic, not me, that he was genuinely interested in having a relationship with me and that he had no entanglements...in earlier threads i complained about skeevy guys making the move just for fun and jextract's got similar woes, so it's a big deal for me not to be the "home wrecker" per se.

[WreckWench]

2.  men like to be the agressors.  if you initiate contact, it makes it too easy for them and then they get bored.

Seems to be what happens to me as well! Or they figure that they have that one in the bag so they will see how many more or if something more interesting is available.

however, when i have been a tad more agressive and pursued, then i end up with silence.

Also a problem...I guess guys aren't very good at letting a girl down easy. That's why I always use something that can be retracted if I need too....and yes I forgot the silence trick...or is that just dumbfounded that a girl approached them?

what happened?  he got spooked by an agressive woman, perhaps.

Also seems to be an issue....many of the dates that have transpired because I took the iniative have ended up being blown off or go nowhere VERY QUICKLY so my guess is that although guys say they want women to initiate contact first...and are in fact flattered by it...they can't at some level handle it. Of course maybe we just weren't a match but it seems to happen EVERYTIME whereas it does not happen as much when the guy makes the first 'official' contact in the dating realm.

[Diverlady]

If he is smart he'll see through the gesture and figure out she is interested.

Well now that would be key point wouldn't it??? LOL

DL

[Coo's Toe]

Maybe I'm a rule breaker or something, but to me it doesn't matter if it's me or her making the first contact. Ladies... here I am, if you like what you see, speak up. If I like what I see, I'll make my own approach. Really doesn't matter. I've always thought those "wait three days before you call" type of rules were silly. The chemistry will either be there or it won't. If it's not, I'll let you know, but you certainly aren't doing yourself any harm by trying.

Carpe manum. Go for it!

[GentDiver]

Having never had the instance where a lady would start the conversation or make contact I can't say how I've reacted. That said, I would be flattered. Probably in shock for the first few minutes, but other then that I think it would be great.

As for why guys don't call, I can tell you that when I'm not interested in someone I at least tell them. I have had the opposite happen. I called, or left a message, and never hear back. So, yes I do understand the frustration.

[ColoradoPilot]

I would be flattered if a woman hit on me. No...that is NOT hit me.

[kevininpo]

you guys are too funny, albeit a bit insecure with yourselves it seems. Hey WW, hit on me and see what happens