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Why does your SO not dive?


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#46 BeachBunny

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Posted 21 July 2008 - 07:18 PM

Well, my SO is afraid of sharks. But after a bit of persuasion I got him to sign up for the Open Water class, with me as his instructor of course. After one day in the pool he was so excited. I finished up his cert dives this weekend and even got two of his advanced dives done. Am I good or what? Hopefully he won't freak when we go into the ocean and he sees his first shark.

Since SCUBA is such a large part of my life, I basically said either you learn to dive or I can't take this relationship to the next level. I made a lifestyle choice a long time ago and part of me finding a partner is to share my adventures with some one. I can't do that if they can't dive.

:thankyou:



I had the same problem with my SO....that might be part of the reason he is my ex!
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#47 blackhat72

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Posted 21 July 2008 - 08:20 PM

My SO apparently had a bad experience in a swimming pool when she was younger and despite my best attempts to talk her into trying Scuba she will have no part of it :thankyou: . But she has no problem with traveling to Tropical Places with me and as I try out some new scuba gear and check out the fishies :-D she runs into town and will try out her new CC and check out the guys in there 30s wearing speedos :teeth: . My policy with trying to talk people into scuba diving is simple, I don't Try, if they have some kind of fear or problem with being underwater then I would not try to talk them into scuba. Now kinda off topic but my brother lives right across the channel from Dr Bill near Catalina Island and he has tried scuba but do to a sinus condition he cant equalize underwater, I think he said he can go underwater about 3 or 4 feet then the pressure starts hurting his ears. Back to the SO and me, I think taking 3 or 4 days or maybe even a week apart from each other is healthy for our relationship..Its just a matter of trust that cuts both ways.



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Didn't work for me. My (soon to be ex) SO packed up and left 10 days after I took her to Coz. She was a non-diver, could get seasick in the bathtub, swam like a rock, didn't like getting her face wet in the shower, decided that her skin would shrivel in the sun, and she was too old to learn anything new. She wouldn't leave the hotel (Caribe Blu) in Coz. She complained about the heat (in February). Oh well. So it goes.

I've recently met a lady who does scuba and wants to do more of it, is a child of the sun and sand, and can't wait to run off to the islands with me. Now if I can just finish the legalities with the old albatross..... :teeth:

#48 Bubble2Bubble

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Posted 22 July 2008 - 06:48 AM

blackhat72

...non-diver, could get seasick in the bathtub, swam like a rock etc...

:teeth:

Victoria

I basically said either you learn to dive or I can't take this relationship to the next level

Victoria,
I think if you told your SO he would have to be a astronaut in order for you to hold his hand, he would be in some Space Camp training right now :thankyou: , some people have persuasive powers..some people don't. and as blackhat72 has pointed out some people where not meant to be a scuba diver period.

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#49 Guest_TexasStarfish_*

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Posted 22 July 2008 - 08:31 AM

Bubski,
That is so true. If he hadn't enjoyed the pool session I wouldn't have made him continue on. I even tell my students that some people are just not cut out for diving. And if you don't enjoy it, don't do it, because you could not only injure yourself, but also others in the process.

:thankyou:


#50 Keith B

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Posted 14 June 2009 - 10:05 AM

Mine was involved in a near drowning incident as a child and was never afforded the opportunity to overcome it. I DID get her kitted up in the pool once, and she did submerge for a minute or so, but the rehab (should she WANT to go through it -- she has to choose for herself, not just to please me) is going to take a long long time.

#51 tadawson

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Posted 12 June 2011 - 01:48 PM

My ex learned to dive, we went to Cozumel and a wee bit after we got back, walked out for other reasons mostly unknown to me at the time . . .

I dated with a very heavy priority of finding someone who wanted to share my dream of diving as a couple . . . (I have been certified since 1976 . . )

After about 8 years, met a wonderful lady, dated, and had repeated discussions on the subject . . . she thought it sounded fun, loved the water, wanted to do it, and so forth.
Absolutely nothing negative, no concerns, nothing . . . .

At the time, her work schedule and our financed didn't let her cert happen, so we married, me with the comfortable feeling that I found "the right one".

Late last month, she went to do the cert. Flew through the written perfectly. Did great in the pool (according to the instructor) but didn't get immediately comfortable
on the drills with mask off and regulator recovery/clearing . . . and bailed, 3 hours in . . . no attempt to work through it, nothing. Zip. Nada.

Despite the instructor telling her she was doing fine . . .

Hell, I can't recall *anyone* being particularly comfortable doing that at first . . . that's *WHY* you practice it . . . it just isn't that natural . . .

So, on May 19th, 2011, my dream was mortally wounded . . . . She says she will try it again in our pool and see if she can get past this, but I just can't hold
too much hope . . . emotionally, I crashed so hard when she bailed, I was almost non-functional for a week or so . . .

Not only did my dream die, but I realize that I made a very large mistake getting married first . . . it really does matter that much to me . . . .

So what do I do now? I'm in a situation I told myself I would *NOT* allow to happen . . . . but then again, here I am . . . .

Oh, and for why my SO doesn't dive, I really don't have an answer . . . . since there were zero real items that kept her from completing her cert other than
"Attitude" . . .

- Tim

Edited by tadawson, 12 June 2011 - 01:50 PM.


#52 Greg@ihpil

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Posted 12 June 2011 - 04:24 PM

As for the WHY----because as they say "I am woman and can do whatever" :respect: She is a surface /Sun person.Only gets her head wet in the shower.As some of the other members here have mentioned .I too wish there was a Partner to appreciate & enjoy it.Oh well.. However,there is silence under water.....lol
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#53 tadawson

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Posted 12 June 2011 - 08:25 PM

As for the WHY----because as they say "I am woman and can do whatever" :respect: She is a surface /Sun person.Only gets her head wet in the shower.As some of the other members here have mentioned .I too wish there was a Partner to appreciate & enjoy it.Oh well.. However,there is silence under water.....lol


I dunno . . . in the pool, she is over/under/in/out/you-name-it of the water . . . I'll buy the "do whatever" but not necessarily the "surface/sun" part, but no matter, it isn't working, and probably never will . . .

I think part of it is that certs these days go so retardedly fast that there is almost no time to get comfortable with anything . . . I realize that works best for most folks, due to free time issues, but I think a much slower pace here would have worked a lot better, and she said that herself. Heck, when I certed, it was a college course - about 10 weeks, although only about 6 had pool time . . . and yeah, the instructor put us through hell compared to what I see being done now, but it showed me exactly where my limits were, and I think made me a far better diver than what is being turned out today . . .

- Tim

Edited by tadawson, 12 June 2011 - 08:27 PM.


#54 Jo Canuck

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Posted 13 June 2011 - 04:46 PM

tadawson



you seem crushed..

My husband never learned to swim and still after many times of wading in the edge with our kids, canoeing trips with the high school students (terrified of being dumped over in the water )etc etc.. We signed up for a snorkling trip on vacation. I was not convinced that even with me right beside him and a good life jacket that he would be able to let go of the boat. He did let go for a few minutes and actually snorkled, I was in tears with the courage it took for him to do that.


We respect that we each have interests that the other may not. If after you give it a good try, and its not really your thing: life goes on. No regrets, no hard feelings.


There are many things over the years we have done together, some we both like, some are his things, some are mine. Some I do with my girlfriends, some with a group like SD. Some you do once, then never again. Keep trying new things and you may just find something else that you love to do together. And for the stuff that just isn't her thing, appreciate what effort she puts forward so you can keep doing it.. Invite her along, and let her decide how much she wants to participate.

good luck

#55 tadawson

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Posted 13 June 2011 - 09:40 PM

tadawson



you seem crushed..

My husband never learned to swim and still after many times of wading in the edge with our kids, canoeing trips with the high school students (terrified of being dumped over in the water )etc etc.. We signed up for a snorkling trip on vacation. I was not convinced that even with me right beside him and a good life jacket that he would be able to let go of the boat. He did let go for a few minutes and actually snorkled, I was in tears with the courage it took for him to do that.


We respect that we each have interests that the other may not. If after you give it a good try, and its not really your thing: life goes on. No regrets, no hard feelings.


There are many things over the years we have done together, some we both like, some are his things, some are mine. Some I do with my girlfriends, some with a group like SD. Some you do once, then never again. Keep trying new things and you may just find something else that you love to do together. And for the stuff that just isn't her thing, appreciate what effort she puts forward so you can keep doing it.. Invite her along, and let her decide how much she wants to participate.

good luck


Crushed is an understatement . . . . When I was dating, I made a pact with myself to *NOT* get involved with anyone who could not share this dream with me, and I was assured that things would be great . . .

So now I am in a commitment, and it isn't happening . . . whether real reasons or not doesn't matter . . . I'm in a place I vowed never to let myself get into, and am really torn up as to what to do at this point. Walk away and try again, at the risk of never doing this well? Press on, and resent the death of my goal for the rest of my life?

You had an uncertainty going in, and things didn't work out. I had pretty much a guarantee . . . . . had there not been one, no way in hell would I have committed until it was a certainty!

I just don't know where to go on that front at this time, but definitely am not going to wait any longer to get back in the water. With or without her, I'm diving!

- Tim

Edited by tadawson, 13 June 2011 - 09:41 PM.


#56 WreckWench

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 04:23 AM

I'm not sure where you live but I'm certain you can find a private instructor to go back thru the elements of the course your wife needs more help with so she can be comfortable.

Have you talked to her about how important this is/was to you and its impact on your entire relationship? If so how does she feel about it? Did she know going into this that being a diver was so important? If she does not know yet...then gently let her know so you you work out a plan for her to try again.
Make sure you take enough time off to get over the shock and the pain and some of the disappointment so your words to her will be gentle, patient and kind. She knows there is a problem so when you talk about it...it will help to be over the initial shock. And it sounds like you are doing that already.

If you need help broaching the subject I'm sure others on this site will be happy to help out with suggestions. Its a great community and one that will reach out to anyone who needs help!

I am sorry for the loss you are experiencing. I too found I needed to marry someone who was a diver...and I married someone in the dive industry who loved diving as much as I did. So I feel your pain. Let us know how we can help. Kamala

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#57 tadawson

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 10:14 AM

Thanks, Kamala . . . I'm just north of Dallas, near Lake Lewisville. Yes, I have tried to let her know the importance of this to me, but I'm not sure she "gets it" completely. And her class as private - 1 on 1, so not sure how much that will help. She has offered to jump in our pool with me and try to get past the issues, and while I'm not an instructor, I think it's worth a shot . . . there is a trust there that does not exist with a stranger. One of the problems is that she takes anything that is not positive toward her as some sort of personal threat, no matter how gentle, and the next thing you know, it's about what I did wrong and what is bugging me gets left behind . . . We are seeing someone next week which may help. I am also not sure how sincere the offer to work on it in the pool is . . . part of me thinks it's an empty offer to placate me until I "just get over it", but as long as there is any hope, I will pursue that avenue as firmly as possible, but with a light touch as well . . .

And while I didn't outright state that this was a "must have" when dating, I *thought* it was pretty clear. It just didn't seem right to come out with a hard demand at that point . . . . In retrospect, I probably should have. The original plan was that she get certified pretty early on, but work schedules and a couple of job changes in our world made that a non-starter at that point . . . . unfortunately . . . . or I would have known and at least could have made a decision when it was still a low-impact option.

And perhaps at some point, if there is a happy hour/mixer/whatever in the area, meeting some other women divers might help her out as well . . . I don't think that what she got stuck on is terribly comfortable for any of us - I know I didn't like it, but that didn't make the task insurmountable either . . .

And thanks for your kind words and thoughts . . . it helps . . .

- Tim

Edited by tadawson, 14 June 2011 - 10:16 AM.


#58 Greg@ihpil

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 11:13 AM

Tim,I don't know how old you are,but judging by your tone,I'm guessing young,as in under 40 lets say.My .02 would be Let "your/her" relationship develop .You get more bees with honey...Sometimes Silence is Golden..I know it must seem like the end of the world to you.I'm not making light of your situation,either.Maybe its because of MY age,you learn to adjust.If as you point out "you didn't want to demand",GOOD IDEA..Invite her for a Dive trip.You must have deep feelings,communication is key....Orrrrrrr absence makes the Heart grow fonder.....Maybe a trip to the Zoo Aquarium.point out that this is what you see.I hope this may have added some resolve...
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#59 tadawson

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Posted 14 June 2011 - 02:00 PM

Greg -
I'm 48 . . .

- Tim

#60 WreckWench

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 04:09 AM

Getting help is a great thing to do ESPECIALLY if she can mix up things and end up taking them personally. You are wise to leave her offer on the table to get back into the pool until you've had a chance to delve into this with a counselor. And for the most part I think he offer will be valid if she has come this far. Its also sounds like she is a bit of a perfectionist and wants it all to be right...right away. Hitting a snag even if its a common one won't matter.

A local Happy Hour is a great idea to introduce her to some local divers and I may be able to do one in either July, Aug or Sept. I am working on my schedule now so we can do a HH in DFW that I can attend, Perhaps you can join in on that one.

Most of our members are in your age group so that will help as well.

Again I think you are taking this slowly and doing the right things. You are thinking it thru as you wisely realize you get one shot at this. As for getting her back into the pool with someone...after the counseling if you think she just needs someone she trusts then you are perfect for the job. Perhaps ensure that the deal is if she needs more help than someone just being with her that she agrees to work with an instructor again on these skills. This helps to prevent any damage to your relationship and shows her how serious you are about this. The thought of spending more money on this if she is not serious will hopefully help her realize how serious you are and determined and how important it is.

PATIENCE IS KEY. I flunked EVERY pool session 2x and mask clearing 3x. I passed every written test with 100%. I flunked my open water 2x and finally passed it on the 3rd try. The biggest culprit? MASK CLEARING AND REG RETRIEVAL....I could never get the damn sweep thing. So I wear my octo around my neck in a necklace and if I ever lose my primary I can switch to my octo and then find my primary without issue.

If she realizes there are OTHER ways to solve the problem of finding a reg if you lose one it may help her relax over this particular skill. She will have to do it once to pass but its not life threatening.

And yes today's course are too fast. They have no give in them for people who need more time for anything. My class was 8 weeks. 2 nights a week in the pool and 2 in the classroom. Sadly we do not teach that way anymore. I would never pass the class given how many problems I had in 1993. But since them I :wub: diving and have over 2400 dives. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE if you try.

p.s I got certified for a guy initially. I really started to do well when I wanted it for myself. A trip to the aquarium, watching underwater video, planning a trip where you go with a fun group and she stays topside and you dive...might just push her over the edge. HOWEVER YOU MUST NOT BE RESENTFUL. You need to be playful and show its more fun to do it then not do it but you are ok either way as long as she does not stop you from diving. She will not want you to have all the fun without her.

I like that you are being very careful to take the right steps and not create harm that can't be undone. You are very wise and I am confident you will find the right solutions for your situation. And you have new friends here to help you! Kamala

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
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