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Older Women and Younger Men...


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#1 ScubaCutie

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 01:30 PM

I was reading the following about famous older women and younger men from a compilation of tabloid articles. My question is...does this work in the real world? Do relationships with younger men really work and if so how much younger is ok? These noted ones do seem to show a gap of 7+ years. But can they really work? What do you all think?



Younger men/older women romances are all the very captivating...27-year-old Ashton Kutcher and 42-year-old Demi Moore have generated more talk and questions for the rest of us...can they work?

"The power and potency of an attractive woman like Demi, who could have anyone for a husband, and all the beautiful young models and starlets Ashton could have — it is a big statement," Susan Winter, co-author of the 2000 book "Older Women, Younger Men," said of the marriage.


"It's always been sort of taboo, because our traditional image of a relationship is that the man would be older and the woman a little bit younger," said Albert Lee, senior editor at Us Weekly. "It's always going to cause a little bit of intrigue."

“Hollywood is just going to reflect reality, and the reality is that on and off the screen, people are having these Ashton-Demi types of relationships,” Lee said. “It may be less scandalous, but it’s still going to be talked about — just because it’s against the norm.”

Despite the press' and fans' particular obsession with them, Ashton and Demi are certainly not the only couple of their kind in Hollywood. Some broke the mold years ago, such as 59-year-old Susan Sarandon (search) and 47-year-old Tim Robbins.


"Age hasn't been a factor," Robbins told Playboy in 1995. "Each person is who they are. I've met young women who are old; I've met older women who are young."


Couples with comparable age gaps are actually a growing throng: Cameron Diaz, 33, and Justin Timberlake (search), 24; Madonna, 47, and Guy Ritchie, 37; Barbara Hershey, 57, and Naveen Andrews, 36; Geena Davis, 49, and Reza Jarrahy, 34; Courteney Cox, 41, and David Arquette, 34; Julianne Moore, 44, and Bart Freundlich, 35; Sheryl Crow, 43, and Lance Armstrong, 34; and Francesca Annis, 61, and Ralph Fiennes, 42, among others.


Davis joked about the age difference between her and her husband when they got engaged in 2000, saying their maturity levels compensated. "I'm 44 going on 29, and he's 29 going on 32, so I'm the young one in this relationship," Inside TV quoted her as saying then.


Not all the relationships work out — take Naomi Watts, now 37, and Heath Ledger, now 26, who split last year — but then again, Hollywood romances are inclined to be fleeting, whether several years separate the couple or not.

In the movies, the "older woman" theme has been slinking into the occasional film at least since "Sunset Blvd." (1950) and most famously with the legendary Mrs. Robinson (search) in "The Graduate" (1967).

"Tadpole" (2002), "American Pie" (1999), "Gosford Park" (2001), "Dangerous Liaisons" (1988) and a smattering of other films have also woven the "sexy mature woman" thread into their plots — but they haven't usually been flattering portrayals.

"In the movies, their angle has been slanted toward the older woman who's pathetic or manipulative or she loses out," said Winter, whose book with Felicia Brings was inspired by relationships both writers had with younger men.

"Older women these days are in shape, they're sexy, they're vibrant, they have these great careers ...


The movie "Proof" — based on the well-known play by the film's screenwriter David Auburn and starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Jake Gyllenhaal and Anthony Hopkins — has Paltrow's and Gyllenhaal's characters in such a relationship, though it's not the central plot. And TV shows have also been tackling this kind of OlderWoman/YoungerGuy romance with increasing frequency.

On "Sex and the City", Samantha (Kim Cattrall) has a serious, lasting, loving relationship with a much younger man whom she is still with when the show ends. On "Desperate Housewives", Eva Longoria's character, the bored-and-married Gabrielle Solis, has a love affair with the very young gardener John Rowland, played by Jesse Metcalfe.



"It's becoming more acceptable, and films and TV shows are responding to that," Cruz said.

But the older women/younger men trend certainly wasn't always OK.

"It really was another story before: It wasn't, 'You go girl!'; it was, 'You get out of town, girl!'" White said. "They would never ask a man about a 15- to 20-year age difference when he's older."

There is still something of a double standard, with less shock and fewer questions when older men and much younger women wind up together.

Still, older women have been pairing up with younger men in the real world and offscreen in Hollywood for ages.

"To state the obvious, men and women hit their sexual peak at different ages. A lot of these kinds of relationships have a lot to do with that," Lee said. "And a lot of men are attracted to older women. The older woman has poise, is more confident and can teach the younger man how to be an adult, not just sexually but emotionally."


John Brandt, a 23-year-old production assistant for FOX News in Washington, said when he first met his now 32-year-old girlfriend, he didn't know how old she was. But when he found out, he said, "I was kind of surprised for a moment, but I just got over it. It wasn't that big a deal."

And the gap hasn't detracted from the relationship at all. If anything, it's enhanced it, according to Brandt.

"We have the same maturity level and shared interests," he said. "She's more confident, she knows what she wants. I don't have time to play guessing games. ... She's definitely the best girlfriend I've ever had, by a long shot. She's awesome."



#2 Mitch0129

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 02:02 PM

Older women/younger men relationships can work just as well as the only way around. It depends on the people involved. Myself, I have once dated a woman that was seven years older than me and it went very well. I have also had other girlfriends who were anywhere from a few months older to 4-5 years. As I have said numerous times around this forum, I personally know some women in the their 40's and 50's who turn heads of young men the same age as their sons.

Now, just as I would not date a woman more than 10 years or more younger than me, I do think I would date a woman 10 years or more older than me. We just grew up in different times.

The thing that might be a sticking point is whether the guy might want to marry her and to have kids. If she is already in her 40's and has already had and raised her kids, she might not want to have any more.

Edited by Mitch0129, 09 January 2006 - 02:03 PM.

-Mitch-

#3 Perkolater

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 02:06 PM

My wife is 7 years older than I am, and after 15 years we haven't killed each other yet! HAHAHA
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#4 Basslet

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 02:11 PM

My late husband was 6 years younger than I was. But I felt like the younger one for some reason. :birthday: Honestly the age gap was no issue at all.

#5 Latitude Adjustment

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 03:11 PM

But wouldn't men younger than ScubaCutie be jail bait? :teeth:
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#6 WreckWench

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 03:16 PM

But wouldn't men younger than ScubaCutie be jail bait? :cool1:


:teeth:

Guess that depends on which end of the range she is on!!! :fish2:


As for me...I dated a few younger men earlier in my dating life and I was not mature enough to handle the relationships...I felt that they would leave me after they'd grown weary of the novelty. Now I'm not so sure...it would certainly depend on the guy and of course if he wanted kids or not. I want kids and I'm finding many guys older than me do not want them or do not want anymore.

But it is an interesting concept....

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#7 annasea

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 03:17 PM

These noted ones do seem to show a gap of 7+ years.

Personally, I wouldn't even see 7 years as a *gap*. 10 years maybe, 20 definitely, but not 7. Especially once one becomes *older*.

I think it's great older women are dating younger men! Considering women peak sexually at a later age, and men younger, from a physiological standpoint, it's a match made in heaven. :fish2:

As for levels of maturity, my experience tells me that men can be immature at any age. Having said that, I'm sure they can also be mature at any age, too. (It's just much more rare! :teeth:)










#8 mechanical31

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 03:24 PM

Many good points have already been raised about older women dating younger men and older men dating younger women, but keep this in mind. I am by no means a math wizard but 27 goes into 42 more times than 42 goes into 27. :teeth:
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#9 Basslet

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 03:30 PM

Many good points have already been raised about older women dating younger men and older men dating younger women, but keep this in mind. I am by no means a math wizard but 27 goes into 42 more times than 42 goes into 27. :fish2:

:teeth:

#10 drbill

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 03:57 PM

I am by no means a math wizard but 27 goes into 42 more times than 42 goes into 27. :teeth:


Well, I am supposed to be a math wizard and I can certainly say I'm a better lover now than I was in my 20's. It has nothing to do with frequency or staying power with respect to intercourse. It does have everything to do with being a more sensitive lover and more attuned to what my partner desires. I find women do indeed see the mind as an aphrodisiac.

With that said, it's been a while since I've dated a woman older than myself. The reason? Most are currently in nursing homes where I'll be shortly. There certainly have been some 60 somethings and a 70 something that have turned my head though.

Age differences of up to 10 years (either way) I see nothing wrong with. Age differences larger than that would require a great compatibility, and maturity if the partner were younger. However, I've met women in their late 20's who were certainly mature enough to be a match for me (hmmm... just what does that say about my level of maturity, or lack thereof!).

#11 finley

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 04:08 PM

well...there are definitely men in their thirties that have turned my head...I'll take them home :teeth:
who's leading this parade anyway?

#12 WreckWench

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 04:14 PM

I find women do indeed see the mind as an aphrodisiac.


You hit the nail on the head...or is that aphrodisiac on the head??? :teeth:

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#13 AliKat

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 06:42 PM

But wouldn't men younger than ScubaCutie be jail bait? :cool1:


:teeth:

Guess that depends on which end of the range she is on!!! :fish2:


As for me...I dated a few younger men earlier in my dating life and I was not mature enough to handle the relationships...I felt that they would leave me after they'd grown weary of the novelty. Now I'm not so sure...it would certainly depend on the guy and of course if he wanted kids or not. I want kids and I'm finding many guys older than me do not want them or do not want anymore.

But it is an interesting concept....



Well, hey, if they aren't tooooo much older, semd 'em my way. I don't want kids. I have the oposite problem...I don't really want someone much older than me, but too many guys my age and even just a little younger want kids.
"

#14 firemedicdiver

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 07:53 PM

my first wife was 21 years older than me and we got along fine most of the time. It wasn't her age that we split up over but there were other issues that would have been a problem no matter what age she was. We did get a lot of staring at us, especially when they found out our age difference.
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#15 captsteve

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 08:16 PM

age is about the last thing i would worry about. there are things that are much more important.




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