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Older Women and Younger Men...


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#136 Cold_H2O

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Posted 05 January 2008 - 10:36 AM

It's funny, but this came up at work last night.
I work with all men. Some older and some young.
One of the younger guys, age 27, asked my opinion on dating older women.
He is dating a 37 year old with 2 kids. He has never been married and has no children.
That is the first thing I asked him about. Did he want children and did she want any more?
He said that's what he had a problem with. Yes, he does want kids and NO he does not want to raise hers. He said he was going to break it off with her. Then asked me what to say to her. I said, well you could be honest. He just laughed.....said I can't tell her that!!!

Can a person really tell this kind of truth and it not be too hurtful?????

I think it can be done.
Many years ago I met a wonderful man.
I had kids he didn't ~ We started to see each other.
A few dates in ~ he let me know that while he really liked me he wasn't sure he was ready to take on my kids.

I will admit it did hurt a bit but we managed to remain friends for several years after.

Looking back ~ I am glad that he was honest with me.
He went on to marry a gal who only had 1 child and they then had 3 more children together.

So his wanting kids of his own and me already having a few would have been a HUGE issue had we continued dating.

I think you have to be honest about what you want and don't want.
I can't imagine a relationship progressing without honesty.
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#137 a_fl_mermaid

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Posted 05 January 2008 - 05:48 PM

It's funny, but this came up at work last night.
I work with all men. Some older and some young.
One of the younger guys, age 27, asked my opinion on dating older women.
He is dating a 37 year old with 2 kids. He has never been married and has no children.
That is the first thing I asked him about. Did he want children and did she want any more?
He said that's what he had a problem with. Yes, he does want kids and NO he does not want to raise hers. He said he was going to break it off with her. Then asked me what to say to her. I said, well you could be honest. He just laughed.....said I can't tell her that!!!

Can a person really tell this kind of truth and it not be too hurtful?????

I think it can be done.
Many years ago I met a wonderful man.
I had kids he didn't ~ We started to see each other.
A few dates in ~ he let me know that while he really liked me he wasn't sure he was ready to take on my kids.

I will admit it did hurt a bit but we managed to remain friends for several years after.

Looking back ~ I am glad that he was honest with me.
He went on to marry a gal who only had 1 child and they then had 3 more children together.

So his wanting kids of his own and me already having a few would have been a HUGE issue had we continued dating.

I think you have to be honest about what you want and don't want.
I can't imagine a relationship progressing without honesty.


I absolutely agree with that!

#138 ScubaSis

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Posted 06 January 2008 - 12:32 AM

My personal opinion is he is not mature enough to be dating an older woman. But, then again, I don't know her mental capacity. Poor girl will probably never know how he is feeling and won't understand what went wrong when he quits calling and being available for her.
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#139 PerroneFord

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Posted 06 January 2008 - 06:04 AM

I dated an older woman with two kids. For nearly 6 years. Some of the hardest years of my life. And some of the best too. She didn't want any more kids, and I wasn't particular either way. Her two kids are now my two kids as well, and any *man* stepping into this scenario had best understand that and be ready for it. I put my life on hold for those kids, made sure they had the best of everything I could afford, and now that they are grown, we have a wonderful relationship. The youngest just had a daughter of her own, and I am buying a crib next week.

If you truly love and date a woman with children, you have a family for life if you do it right. The mom may understand it's over, but the kids won't.

#140 ScubaSis

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Posted 06 January 2008 - 06:12 AM

I dated an older woman with two kids. For nearly 6 years. Some of the hardest years of my life. And some of the best too. She didn't want any more kids, and I wasn't particular either way. Her two kids are now my two kids as well, and any *man* stepping into this scenario had best understand that and be ready for it. I put my life on hold for those kids, made sure they had the best of everything I could afford, and now that they are grown, we have a wonderful relationship. The youngest just had a daughter of her own, and I am buying a crib next week.

If you truly love and date a woman with children, you have a family for life if you do it right. The mom may understand it's over, but the kids won't.



I did marry a younger man, only of about 6 years younger. He had a son that lived with us. I still call him my son. We have a good relationship as well. I do not have any other children. My mother used to tell me you can't love someone elses like you love your own. I would tell her good, I'm glad I don't have my own, because I wouldn't want to feel any differently than I do about this one. He is grown and I am very proud of him now. I hope I had a little to do with that.
Handle every stresssful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away.

#141 Walter

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Posted 06 January 2008 - 09:37 AM

My mother used to tell me you can't love someone elses like you love your own.


While that's true, they don't have to be born to you to be your own. Mine were 11 and 5 when I got them.
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#142 Jball171

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Posted 06 January 2008 - 02:39 PM

I've never had a problem with someone having children. While I want my own someday, it's not a problem to me when a woman has children already. As long as they're not my age or older.... :cheerleader:

Seriously though, I've found that alot of the time the father wants nothing to do with the kids. It's a shame that they couldn't step up and accept the responsibility, but I'm not the kind of person who sees that as the mother's fault. When getting into a relationship you have to accept the whole situation, even kids.
I've really gotta get a dry suit so I'm not stuck on the shore this time of year.....




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