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Older Women and Younger Men...


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#16 konascubagirl

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 08:38 PM

As for me...I dated a few younger men earlier in my dating life and I was not mature enough to handle the relationships...I felt that they would leave me after they'd grown weary of the novelty. Now I'm not so sure...it would certainly depend on the guy and of course if he wanted kids or not. I want kids and I'm finding many guys older than me do not want them or do not want anymore.

But it is an interesting concept....

Well, hey, if they aren't tooooo much older, semd 'em my way. I don't want kids. I have the oposite problem...I don't really want someone much older than me, but too many guys my age and even just a little younger want kids.

I have the same problem as Alikat. I had my kids when I when I was pretty young, and guys my age or just a bit younger are still looking to "breed". Now, I pretty much avoid dating guys that haven't had their kids yet. Other than that, I have dated guys 6-7 years younger, up to 20 years older. It's what's in the mind that counts, not the chronological age.

#17 Mitch0129

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 10:08 PM

I have the same problem as Alikat. I had my kids when I when I was pretty young, and guys my age or just a bit younger are still looking to "breed". Now, I pretty much avoid dating guys that haven't had their kids yet. Other than that, I have dated guys 6-7 years younger, up to 20 years older. It's what's in the mind that counts, not the chronological age.


Stef, I would like to throw a little curve here using me as an example and see how you or anyone else would feel about this situation.

I am in my late 40's so I am a few years ahead of you. However, I have never married, and do not have children of my own and I have mixed feelings about whether I want to have my own kids. I realize that, in order to do so, I would have to marry a woman much younger than me which is against my own principles. That is what my older brother did, he is married to a woman more than 20 years his junior and they now have a little girl who is three.

Yes, I could adopt but the waiting list is very long. I could also do what another couple who I am friends with, both of them in their late 40's have done. They both donated their parts of the equation and had their kids via a surrogate mother. However, that is a pretty expensive and difficult process, as it was they nearly lost the first child as it was born three months premature. He is doing fine now.

Why do I have mixed feelings? Well, I realize that even if I should have my own children within the next four years, which is a very long shot as it is, I will be in my late 60's or my 70's by the time they are grown. But at the same time, I do love kids and I do have the little bit of regret that I never have been a father by now. But it is something I can easily live with. I do understand that the majority of the women who I would want to get involved with have already had their kids and do not want more.

I have decided that should I be involved with a woman who has kids from a prior marriage and I have a chance to step into the role of being a father to kids that "are not mine", I will do that in a hearbeat. I have already had numerous relationships with woman who had kids from prior marriages, it was never a problem to me. If anything, the breakups were always rough because I would get attached to the kids.

My point is that there are older guys who have not had kids yet, would have liked to have had them, but also understand that it might be best they never do. In return, they will treat someone else's kids as their own. I am not sure you want to pretty much avoid guys who have not had kids yet unless they have indicated that they absoulutely want kids.
-Mitch-

#18 Twinklez

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 10:16 PM

My second husband was 11 years younger than me and only 9 years older than my oldest son. Unfortunately it was like having a 4th son only worse because I had to be very careful about how I responded to him. He constantly complained that I mothered him but if I tried to give him space and independence then he complained that I was neglecting him. I couldn't win. After a while I realized that he was the one with the issues about our age difference, and not me. (I chuckled when I found out the woman he had his affair with was 10 years younger than he.)

I would not consider such a gap in the future. Five or six, maybe seven years; but definately not eleven. It would certainly depend on the person; but I do try to avoid such a huge gap in age to begin with.

What I've found is that most of the men my age (mid 40's), are desparately seeking someone to bear their children after all the years of playing, or seem to be going "that stage" where they need a woman in their early 30's to boost their ego.

On the other hand, men who are looking at me have been in their early 30's (too young) or even their 20's (way too young). Last year one of my son's college buddies saw my picture on the internet and actually asked him if he could date me! My two youngest sons took great delight in teasing me about the "MILF" acronym every opportunity they got. Many of you have met me. Go figure. I don't think I look all that young. I don't feel old though. I mean, I've got my share of crackling bones, but really it's what's in your heart that reflects your age in terms of personality; not your physical body.

Grace, dignity and a smile that lights up the night - those are the things I strive to project.

#19 AliKat

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 11:22 PM

My point is that there are older guys who have not had kids yet, would have liked to have had them, but also understand that it might be best they never do. In return, they will treat someone else's kids as their own. I am not sure you want to pretty much avoid guys who have not had kids yet unless they have indicated that they absoulutely want kids.


I wouldn't avoid someone I might be interested in if he had children or not. I prefer someone with no children - I don't have any because I never wanted any - but if someone came along in my life that already had children, I would accept their children. They would have to be POSITIVE that they wanted no more children though.
"

#20 drbill

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Posted 09 January 2006 - 11:28 PM

I have my son and he's "full grown" (do males ever reach that status?), so I have no need to look for a younger woman to bear children. Because I am pretty active for my age, I do look for younger women because it is mostly younger women diving out here. Of course I consider mid-30's to be young enough!

Would I rule out an older woman? I don't think so, at least not strictly on age. Maturity is the issue though rather than age. And of course intelligence (both in an academic sense and in life's lessons).

#21 konascubagirl

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 12:58 AM

My point is that there are older guys who have not had kids yet, would have liked to have had them, but also understand that it might be best they never do. In return, they will treat someone else's kids as their own. I am not sure you want to pretty much avoid guys who have not had kids yet unless they have indicated that they absoulutely want kids.


I wouldn't avoid someone I might be interested in if he had children or not. I prefer someone with no children - I don't have any because I never wanted any - but if someone came along in my life that already had children, I would accept their children. They would have to be POSITIVE that they wanted no more children though.



Oops! I guess I should clarify what I originally stated! What I should have said was that I avoid dating men that are interested in either having their first child or additional children. I have had to end a couple of relationships that started out with "no, I don't want to have any (or any more) kids either" that morphed into.."hey, I think we'd make really cute kids together". It has been MY experience that the whole "baby" issue is easier to avoid by dating men that have already had their own kids.

Stef

#22 Travelnsj

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 02:21 PM

:welcome: Well when I was a quarter of a century old…..I always liked and dated the 30 to 35 year old group. When I was 35 to 45 …..I dated 30 to 40 year olds… had a growing company, the right cars and homes…..then The Cart was always put before the Horse …..Do you want kids?….I always have, was never a deal breaker….but I refused commit on knowing someone a month…Thus usually that person would move on quickly!…LOL

Now that I have reached that half century mark…..do not have the growing company or the involvement in the respective communities…..Thus I am not that good of a prospect for the 35 to 45 year olds……So what do I do?…..Travel and Dive and having the best time of my life…..But who knows maybe that person is out there!
You must endeavor to pursue!

#23 WreckWench

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 02:28 PM

Now that I have reached that half century mark…..do not have the growing company or the involvement in the respective communities…..Thus I am not that good of a prospect for the 35 to 45 year olds……So what do I do?…..Travel and Dive and having the best time of my life…..But who knows maybe that person is out there!


Ha!! You are a great catch...you travel and dive seemingly all your want. You are very attractive and very charismatic...now the real question is...do you want kids???? :welcome:

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#24 WreckWench

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 04:27 PM

age is about the last thing i would worry about. there are things that are much more important.



I would agree with you more now that I've grown up a bit...but there are still some issues regarding age that are important...and they center around having kids like Mitch said, they center around health and longeviety and maturity like Twinklez and others have said.

Many people live in the moment...so age right NOW is not an issue...but in a few years it may/will be and many people's attitude is 'I'll just get divorced or get a new/younger companion'.

So if the gap is too big...and that apparently depends on how old you are to begin with and what the gap is...then you will have problems...or could have problems.

Still I think it is a good thing that society is starting to consider it just as healthy and acceptable for an older woman to have a younger man as we have traditionally accepted older men with younger women.

Gives a wench like myself hope since I'm pretty busy these days working a full time job as a nutritionist and running SD!!! Heck I'll need a younger guy just to keep up with me!!! :P

Contact me directly at Kamala@SingleDivers.com for your private or group travel needs or 864-557-6079 AND don't miss SD's 2018-2021 Trips! ....here! Most are once in a lifetime opportunities...don't miss the chance to go!!
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"Imitation is the sincerest flattery." - Gandhi
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Kamala Shadduck c/o SingleDivers.com LLC
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710 Dive Buddy Lane; Salem, SC 29676
864-557-6079 tel/celfone/office or tollfree fax 888-480-0906

#25 drbill

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 04:44 PM

At this point in my life, I definitely do not want any more kids of my own. And I don't really want a relationship (other than friend or dive buddy) with a woman who has non-adult kids. I'm at the point in my life where I want to be a bit "selfish" and enjoy it in ways that young kids could interfere with.

#26 Travelnsj

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 05:20 PM

Ha!! You are a great catch...you travel and dive seemingly all your want. You are very attractive and very charismatic...now the real question is...do you want kids???? :P



:( You are so funny and Patronizing.....If I were such a great catch.....well I would of been caught .......and not dropped so many times :P ...LOL

"do you want to have kids" well again the cart before the horse....but yes, I would like to have a legacy...but it has to be the right person......At this point in my life.....what type of company? job? car? home(s)? does she have?...etc....It is only fair to ask.....I have endured it :lmao:

Since I am no longer involved in the different Chambers, business community events etc. it is diffcult to meet people. And being my hobby is Scuba Diving.....you do not meet that many Single female divers at the far corners of the world. Thus will I have Childern?.....Who knows.....but I am going diving and have fun!
You must endeavor to pursue!

#27 Travelnsj

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 05:46 PM

Heck I'll need a younger guy just to keep up with me!!! :P


Are you serious?.....Heck you have a hard time keeping up with me....and I am little older :P or am I the exception to the rules :(
You must endeavor to pursue!

#28 finley

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 06:04 PM

Heck I'll need a younger guy just to keep up with me!!! :P

YOU GO GIRL...not many of us will say it in public...but ain't it the truth..... :P
who's leading this parade anyway?

#29 jholley309

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 06:19 PM

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I quit reading the quoted article when Mr. Lee made the statement about Hollywood reflecting reality; anybody that can say that with a straight face needs to lay off the carpet glue. :(

My personal opinion is that age isn't as much of a factor as experience. Someone in their late twenties, say, who has lived their life full-on, no-holds-barred, no adventure too extreme, and questions whether the sky really is a limit is going to have a much different outlook on life than the 30-something couch potato that spent all of their post-college years going to work in their safe, cozy little cube farm and worrying about their next annual review. The younger of those two is likely to face challenges and difficulties in a manner consistent with what most people call maturity, whereas the cube-dwelling schlub may have difficulty with anything more challenging than taking a different subway home, and is likely to exhibit immature behaviours, such as avoidance, denial, paralysis, and inappropriate anger when faced with tough situations. Of course, these are generalizations and as such have notable exceptions, but we've all seen the personality types involved here. From the sounds of it, some of us used to be married to one of those personality types... :P

I think compatability is more important than age. It's possible for younger men to be completely compatible with older women; it all comes down to common experience. The 20-something guy that helped raise his younger siblings after losing a parent or while enduring poverty is probably going to have a great deal in common with a 30-something divorced single mother, for instance. They're both accustomed to bearing responsibilities and looking after the welfare of other people for one, and they know all about challenges. It can go the other way, too, where an older guy who hasn't known a hard day's work in his life and continues to live off the trust fund will have very little in common with a younger, divorced single mother. They just have no common experiences in life.

I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on cube-dwellers, single mothers, or wealthy playboys by the way; they just make such wonderful examples for this sort of thing. I have nothing but respect for hard working single mothers who forego any semblence of a normal social life to provide for their children's needs, and I personally would love to be an older, carefree playboy someday. And the cube dwellers drive the corporations that fuel the country's economy and make it possible for us to sit in front of our computer screens, comfortably debating such matters.

Besides, I've met some older women that were just flat out, smokin' hot. :P

Cheers!

Jim

Edited by jholley309, 10 January 2006 - 06:22 PM.

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Every man has fear. Any man who has no fear belongs in an institution. Or in Special Forces.

#30 finley

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Posted 10 January 2006 - 07:11 PM

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I quit reading the quoted article when Mr. Lee made the statement about Hollywood reflecting reality; anybody that can say that with a straight face needs to lay off the carpet glue. :D

My personal opinion is that age isn't as much of a factor as experience. Someone in their late twenties, say, who has lived their life full-on, no-holds-barred, no adventure too extreme, and questions whether the sky really is a limit is going to have a much different outlook on life than the 30-something couch potato that spent all of their post-college years going to work in their safe, cozy little cube farm and worrying about their next annual review. The younger of those two is likely to face challenges and difficulties in a manner consistent with what most people call maturity, whereas the cube-dwelling schlub may have difficulty with anything more challenging than taking a different subway home, and is likely to exhibit immature behaviours, such as avoidance, denial, paralysis, and inappropriate anger when faced with tough situations. Of course, these are generalizations and as such have notable exceptions, but we've all seen the personality types involved here. From the sounds of it, some of us used to be married to one of those personality types... :lmao:

I think compatability is more important than age. It's possible for younger men to be completely compatible with older women; it all comes down to common experience. The 20-something guy that helped raise his younger siblings after losing a parent or while enduring poverty is probably going to have a great deal in common with a 30-something divorced single mother, for instance. They're both accustomed to bearing responsibilities and looking after the welfare of other people for one, and they know all about challenges. It can go the other way, too, where an older guy who hasn't known a hard day's work in his life and continues to live off the trust fund will have very little in common with a younger, divorced single mother. They just have no common experiences in life.

I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on cube-dwellers, single mothers, or wealthy playboys by the way; they just make such wonderful examples for this sort of thing. I have nothing but respect for hard working single mothers who forego any semblence of a normal social life to provide for their children's needs, and I personally would love to be an older, carefree playboy someday. And the cube dwellers drive the corporations that fuel the country's economy and make it possible for us to sit in front of our computer screens, comfortably debating such matters.

Besides, I've met some older women that were just flat out, smokin' hot. :teeth:

Cheers!

Jim

so what about older women, maybe not the hottest on the block.... but that still live their life full on...adventure let's go...pretty well done with children and ready to go...DIVING :diver:
who's leading this parade anyway?




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