Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend.
And as I pray beside my bed,
I look at the clown you sent me instead.
Amen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First Wife
A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant. The husband keeps looking over at a nearby table where a lady is sitting in a drunken stupor.
The wife asks, "I notice you've been watching that lady for some time now. Do you know her?"
"Yes" he replies, "she's my ex-wife, and has been drinking like that since I left her seven years ago."
"That's unbelievable" the wife replies, "I wouldn't have thought anyone could celebrate that long."
