Okay...some of you have probably read it and some haven't but I think it's funny so I'm posting it here. If you aren't familiar with DIR go to the GUE website but it's funny even if you aren't familiar with DIR.
Author: DIR Dork
Date: 08-06-01 03:26
I converted to DIR about 6 months ago and I have found that the philosophy extends way beyond diving. I think most people tend to view DIR as a gear configuration or diving objective type of thing but it really is a philosophy that you can use in other parts of your life. For instance, below are just some of the ways I've extended the DIR way of doing things into other areas of my life.
Last week some of my buddies came over to my house. Now, not all of them are divers but they do understand the DIR philosophy. So, first off, we all drink the same beer. This avoids any situations where you might be enjoying a lager and accidentally pick up an ale (or the other way around). That can be very uncool. That could quickly lead to a panic situation so we avoid it all together.
We also drink only from cans, no bottles. And we never put the beer in the refrigerator. It always goes in the ice chest in my living room. 47% of Drinking Related Incidents (DRI) occur when someone is going to the fridge for another beer so better to be safe than sorry. Of course, this is all rigged up while we're still 100% sober so there's no impaired judgment once things get cooking.
All of us wear a bungee necklace with a full beer on it just in case someone experiences an Out Of Beer (OOB) emergency. I can offer my already opened beer to my buddy and simply reach down and grab the backup off my beer necklace. And, without exception, we always use the 7 foot hose on the beer bong.
Of course, we don't stay in every night so when we do decide to go out we make sure we're still DIR. All of us wear exactly the same clothing:
Levi's 501 Jeans (button hole, straight leg)
Gap Black T-Shirt
Haynes boxer shorts, black
Gold Toe socks, black
Kenneth Cole shoes, Brad Bitt style
G-Shock watch, black band
Nylon belt, black, with military buckle
Black Leather Jacket (optional, depending on weather conditions)
This may sound a bit silly or overdone but believe me, when you're penetrating a night club, knowing exactly what you buddies are dressed like can make all the difference in the world if you're hoping to snag some hottie. Let's say I see some cutie and just before I get up to go talk to her a waitress spills a drink in my lap? No problem, because I can always swap pants with my buddy. I don't have to worry if they match, because I know he's wearing Levi's 501's. Bam, swap pants and I can still complete my objective.
One thing to keep in mind about night clubs is that you seldom want to penetrate a club on beer. I know, some of the macho jerks do this and brag to all of their buddies but believe me, it's not DIR. You have to do it on mixed drinks. Obviously the mix will be different on different nights but a good vodka tonic mix is pretty standard. Again, there's a right way and a wrong way to do this. You can't just order any old vodka or depend on some bartender to get the mix right. That's what the strokes do. No, you order Stoli vodka which has an excellent reputation in the DIR partying community. The correct blend is 2oz Stoli with tonic water poured over ice in a highball glass (lemon or lime optional). I always bring a testing kit with me and if the blend is off, I send it back. It's just not worth the risk and it's not DIR.
So you penetrate the night club and you've got a good mix, now it's time to meet the ladies. I should have said this earlier but watch your drink consumption. It's a well known fact that women look 25% - 30% better in a night club and if you get all narc'd up on vodka tonic, it increases your chances of a coyote ugly blackout. You have to keep your wits about you.
If it's early, you probably have pretty good viz. Later in the evening when the smoke silts up the room it'll be harder to make out the women on the other side of the club so get your headings early. On a few occasions I've had to bust out the wreck reel just to get to the bathroom and back.
If you are lucky enough to hook up with a nice hottie, this is when doing it right really can pay off. Now, let's face it, there's a certain degree of danger involved here that I don't want to downplay. You need to minimize your risks by using the proper equipment. I carry 2 condoms. One I put on . . . well you know, and the second I put on a bungee that goes around my waist. If there's a malfunction on my primary, I can quickly go to my backup without hardly skipping a beat.
So, as you can see from these pretty basic examples, DIR is not just for diving. It's something you can use in all areas of your life.
Keep it real,
DIR Dork
Really DIR
Started by
wreck_maniac
, Jun 28 2004 02:10 PM
26 replies to this topic
#1
wreck_maniac
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Meeting folks
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#2
Diverlady
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Everyone knows me
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 02:19 PM
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!! It comes bundled with the software.
What do you mean "it doesn't come in PINK"?!?!
What do you mean "it doesn't come in PINK"?!?!
#3
jextract
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 03:05 PM
HA! That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Where's CT when we need him?
"Because I accept the definition, does not mean I accept the defined." -- ScubaHawk
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
#4
drbill
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 03:54 PM
Hee, hee, hee... I have to pee in my pants (and I'm not in my wetsuit).
Doc
Doc
#5
JulioJoglar
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 07:29 PM
Awesome!!
#6
webhead
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 07:54 PM
But DIR folks don't see what's funny about that...
"These are not the droids you are looking for.... move along" - Obi-Wan Kenobi
#7
Marvel
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 07:59 PM
ROTFL!!!!!!!! 
Marvel
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
#8
scubawes1
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 08:29 PM
That is too funny. i love it.
#9
triggerfish
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 08:35 PM
too funny!!!!!
but jamie...that red shirt on the new avatar.....
not DIR
but jamie...that red shirt on the new avatar.....
not DIR
#10
chinacat46
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 09:21 PM
GREAT!!!
#11
Marvel
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 09:48 PM
He needs to whip out the pink snorkle if he REALLY wants to be DIR....too funny!!!!!
but jamie...that red shirt on the new avatar.....
not DIR
Marvel
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
#12
jextract
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Posted 28 June 2004 - 10:51 PM
Maybe not, but it's comfy and it's from Fiji!too funny!!!!!
but jamie...that red shirt on the new avatar.....
not DIR
"Because I accept the definition, does not mean I accept the defined." -- ScubaHawk
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
#13
triggerfish
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Posted 29 June 2004 - 05:57 AM
well, i guess then it's ok.
you look better in red than doc, anyway!
you look better in red than doc, anyway!
#14
Latitude Adjustment
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Posted 29 June 2004 - 08:43 AM
I found something else last year that you need to add for when you go home after that night club.
I bought a new waterbed heater made by Halycon, it could give a whole new meaning to "Doing it right"!
I, Latitude Adjustment (insert log in name), do hereby swear, (politely), that I shall not hold SingleDivers, (SD), nor any SD poster, (real or imagined), liable, nor shall I seek legal restitution, (real or imagined), for any perceived, (real or imagined), offenses I may incur, (or Incurrrrrrrrrr on talk like a pirate day), that may or may not be posted on this or any SCUBA related board, (real or imagined), by anyone, (real or imagined), anywhere, (real or imagined). Further, I void any right to privacy, (real or imagined), as it may, or may not relate to any posting, (real or imagined), about me, to me, for me, because of me, all about me, my dog, my cat, my bird, my monkey, my family, (real or imagined), my friends, (real or imagined), or my world, (real or imagined).
By all that is wet, I do hereby swear, (politely), and attest, upon pain of never diving again, (real or imagined), that I understand and affirm, that I agree to the above.
_________________________________________(log in name signature)
Signed and Dated
By all that is wet, I do hereby swear, (politely), and attest, upon pain of never diving again, (real or imagined), that I understand and affirm, that I agree to the above.
_________________________________________(log in name signature)
Signed and Dated
#15
glendivesalot
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Posted 29 June 2004 - 08:49 AM
I had a DIR instructor on the dive boat I was on in Key Largo Saturday. His group did two shallow dives to 40'. Not only did the instructor wear a dry suit, but he wore warm underwear underneath the dry suit. Water temps were 83. But he said he was DIR and he only dives in a dry suit.
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