Christmas Cookie Rules

Christmas Cookie Rules.....

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test, and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie-free (rule #1), yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie also calorie-free!

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet, and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up, because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five -- one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the plate owner, and the calories will cling to the plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a cookie rule!

So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we only get them this time each year!

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

This makes perfect sense to me. Everyone knows that things leak out of a broken vessel!

So, I take my cookies out of the oven, frost them, and then smack them with the rolling pin! Muwahahahahaha......the plan comes together! If they're all broken, you don't have to share.....

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies Notes

Ingredients

* 1 cup water
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 1 cup lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* 1 cup nuts
* 2 cups dried fruit
* 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Serves / Yields

One

Preparation Instructions

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK; try another cup ...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies Notes

Ingredients

* 1 cup water
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 1 cup lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* 1 cup nuts
* 2 cups dried fruit
* 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Serves / Yields

One

Preparation Instructions

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK; try another cup ...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

When I watch Rachael Ray or Giada or Paula Deen (who sounds and cooks like my relatives in Georgia) on the Food Network, will I gain weight when they make Christmas desserts? Once upon a time, I ate a lot of them myself, usually eating chocolate cake, spice cake, german chocolate cake, coconut cake, ambrosia, pecan pie, lemon pie, and fruitcake cookies at almost every Christmas meal at my grandmother's farm. Yesterday, I saw Gone With The Wind in a movie theater (only my second time seeing it in a theater as the first was in Atlanta a long time ago either in the now long gone Paramount which is where it had originally premiered or in the Fox), and Scarlett definitely loved to eat lots of desserts, especially cakes, and it did not seem to affect her.