10 replies to this topic

[2dive4]

Southern Born & Bred


If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:



The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses



The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.



The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.



The North has double last names, The South has double first names.



The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.



The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.



The North has green salads, The South has collard greens



The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.



The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt..



In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.



Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.



Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.



Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"



Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.



Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.



The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.



Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.



If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.



If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.



Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.



In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.



AND REMEMBER:



If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.



Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.



Your relatives would get a kick out of it too!

[rkohler1]

I am stunned, all of that and no mention of Wal-Marts....ya'll need to work on that there list.

[Hipshot]

I don't know if all y'all ever saw it, but a number of years ago a book was published entitled, Dictionary for Yankees and Other Uneducated People, by Bill Dwyer.

The author claimed that he wrote it to help communications, since the Civil War (a.k.a., the War Against Northern Aggression, or the War to Save Our Virtuous Young Maidens From the Syphillitic Blue Hoard From the North, according to a friend from Savannah) was caused by a miscommunication. At Ft. Sumter, two blackbearded, ill-mannered Yankee officers entered a bar and bellowed "We need a bottle right away." Well, the bartender, a Confederate spy, mistook "bottle" for "battle" and the rest was history.

Here's a sample of some of the definitions:

AIN'T - The sister of one of your parents.
BEGGER - Some people just naturally grow this way over smaller people.
CHAIR - "C'mon naow, let's hair a big CHAIR for the team."
GOWN - "Pappy's GOWN to Birming'ham."
HOMINY - What number, i.e., "HOMINY children do you declare?"
LACK - Enjoy, i.e., "If yo' LACK biscuits, you'll LACK my mammy's."
MINT - Intentions, i.e., "Ah MINT to call, but it slipped my mind."
NECKS - What the barber says after he's finished with a customer.
PEARS - Appearance, i.e., "She PEARS to be sickly."
PIN - "This PIN don't write, hit's outten eenk."
POLICE - A term of politeness all southern children are taught, i.e., "POLICE get off my foot, ya clumsy ox!"
PUTTY - What you are if you're not ugly.
ROUGH - The cover over a building.
SNOWS - Many a wife is kept awake nights by a husband who SNOWS.
TAR - If one blows out, it's nice to have a spare.
WAR - You'll find it strung between telephone poles.
YEAR - You have one on each side of your head.

Cheers,
Rick



I’m a visionary; I’m ahead of my time. Trouble is, I’m only about an hour and a half ahead. --George Carlin

[scubahoney]

I am stunned, all of that and no mention of Wal-Marts....ya'll need to work on that there list.

you mean... The Wal-Mart..you don't just go to Wal-mart down south..you go to "the Wal-Mart'...even though there are at least 10 in a 5 mile radius.

Don't forget these:
You're from Texas if...

A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

You measure distance in minutes.

Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

A Mercedes Benz is not! a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.

Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."

I love being Texan!

[randy54]

You never told what's to be done with the grease.

[rkohler1]

Yes, I stand corrected 'The Wal-mart'. The center of all that is un-holy. I'm still waiting for one of you Texans to send me some Big Red, isn't that official soda of Texas??

[David Evans]

Ok, this may tell everyone more than they want to know about me, but I *love* Big Red. Big Red is my beverage of choice.

Back in college we called them "Strawberry Belchers". Anyone who has ever had a Big Red understands the truth of this pseudonym.




Big Red is yummy.

-d

[scubahoney]

Yes, I stand corrected 'The Wal-mart'. The center of all that is un-holy. I'm still waiting for one of you Texans to send me some Big Red, isn't that official soda of Texas??

Lol...my mom drinks Big Red...but out on my families old farm everyone always drank Mountain Dew or tea.

[scubahoney]

Ok, this may tell everyone more than they want to know about me, but I *love* Big Red. Big Red is my beverage of choice.

Back in college we called them "Strawberry Belchers". Anyone who has ever had a Big Red understands the truth of this pseudonym.




Big Red is yummy.

-d

[2dive4]

And, them Southerner's even have their own line of kid clothing.

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[Funewgy]

And, them Southerner's even have their own line of kid clothing.

Now that is funny. I would NEVER allow my child to wear something even remotely close to that...but on somebody else's child, that I hysterical!!! Nothing like a good double standard when it works to your advantage.