22 replies to this topic

[mischievous]

subtle?? l believe it's a genetic defect 

kevin, stop digging! you're bait for sure!

Edited by mischievous, 13 May 2004 - 11:40 AM.

[SuperDave]

Hey Scott,

These rules are hard to learn. I was institutionalized (married) for 11 years and it is hard to get back in the single mindset. Sounds to me like she is wanting to have the security of your company for the night, or if she has been single for a while maybe she is ready to make the relationship deeper by living together. Dude if you are not ready or don't feel comfortable then stick with what makes you healthy in the head. If you are more comfortable in your own place, and you have explainied this to her, and she keeps pushing you then maybe you should cool the relationship.
In no way should this be a "deal breaker", she just needs to respect your needs also. I still believe there is nothing that can't be made better with communication and understanding.

SD

[Diverlady]

I was in a long-term relationship with someone who didn't live all that close to me and he worked shifts. So, I didn't get to see him all that much except for 2 weekends a month and the odd evening during the week. On the weekends, I would occasionally get pissed when it was time to leave whether it was him or me leaving because I knew I wouldn't be seeing him for a while and I didn't want our time together to be over yet. He would occasionally get in the same mood and we'd have some ridiculous fight which was probably so it would make "the leaving" part easier.

Just another point of view.

Diverlady

[drbill]

Hmmm... an interesting POV DL. I hadn't thought of those occasional spats at departure time in that way. Makes some sense psychologically.

Dr. B.

[NormsKid]

I was in the same situation once and I didn't want my BF to leave some, NOT ALL nights for various reasons and rather than pouting or getting mad, I would just ask him to stay an tell him why I wanted him to stay.

Often times he had some VERY good reasons for wanting to go back to his place to sleep and I never had "issues" with that. But if he had told me the only reason that he didn't want to stay was because he wanted to sleep in his own bed, I would have interpreted that as a red flagg for me. I certainly wouln't end the relationship over it, but I wouldn't allow my feelings to grow any deeper than they already were.

The difference between my situation and yours tho is that it doesn't seem like you have the benefit of knowing why she doesn't want you to stay. Sounds like she's just giving you "tude" and not really communicating effectively with you. That should be a red flag to you.

If her current needs require that you be a live-in BF, and that's not something you are ready to do, perhaps you could have a heart to heart conversation with her over a nice dinner and try to come to mutually agreeable terms on this. If you can't come to terms that satisfy both of your needs, then it's time to move on.

If you've already tried this an she doesn't seem to want to abide by what you both already agreed to, then your beating a dead horse.....

Jus my 2 pesos worth.....but what do I know....I'm still single too!LOL!

Michelle

[drbill]

Michelle- it sounds like you have a reasonable approach to such things and practice good communication. Isn't it amazing how infrequently that happens (with both genders).

Clear open communication should be such an easy thing... why does it seem so difficult most of the time?

Dr. Bill

[GentDiver]

Thanks all. This thread has been a really big help. I appriciate everyones comments/opinions. you guys rock

[canuckdiver]

Michelle- it sounds like you have a reasonable approach to such things and practice good communication. Isn't it amazing how infrequently that happens (with both genders).

Clear open communication should be such an easy thing... why does it seem so difficult most of the time?

Dr. Bill

I ask myself the same question on an almost constant basis Bill.....