67 replies to this topic

[PerroneFord]

I think it's worth finding out.

<insert standard disclaimer about dating men/women at the office >

Edited by PerroneFord, 04 October 2006 - 09:28 PM.

[Twinklez]

I think it's worth finding out.

<insert standard disclaimer about dating men/women at the office >

Is that the one about not peeing in your own pool?

Yeah...that's another reason I've been draggin' my feet. I've never done it before. But heck, where I live, if you don't meet them at work you probably aren't gonna meet 'em.

[ScubaDadMiami]

Either you want equality or you don't. That doesn't mean equality on your terms or just when it suits you. It's either a two way street from the beginning or it's not.

I am not a mind reader, and I will never know that you are interested unless you tell me so. Most of us men don't see even the obvious. Don't think that we get your hints. We don't.

There is nothing wrong with either side initiating. That's the way it should be. If you stumble on top of each other trying to get the message across at the same time, that's a good sign that there is probably something there that is worth pursuing. Holding back when you are in truth interested is just wasting an opportunity.

[PerroneFord]

Is that the one about not peeing in your own pool?

Yeah...that's another reason I've been draggin' my feet. I've never done it before. But heck, where I live, if you don't meet them at work you probably aren't gonna meet 'em.

Yep, that's the one. I've done it ONCE and it worked out ok. But man, when it doesn't it's AWKWARD. But you're a grown woman, and you can make your own choices.

It would be a shame to pass on it, if there is a possibity it could be fun and work out. Or heck, even if it's DOESN'T work out but is fun!

[BeachBunny]

WOW. A lot of good points have been made here and I agree with many. Back to the initial post, personally when I meet someone I am interested in and he asks for my number I give him my card and if he offers his in return I tell him that I won't be the first to call, I prefer for the man to be the agressor in the beginning. If he is interested, he calls. If not, as Perrone said, someone else does.

After the initial phone call, I have no issues calling him, inviting him out, etc....

[drbill]

I have to agree with Jamie. If you ladies are interested, and you were given his number, then by all means call. I occasionally give women my card so THEY have the option as to whether they want to reestablish contact. If they don't, I assume they really weren't interested in the first place... or they don't have the self-assurance I'd want in a woman.

Of course keep in mind that if you DO call, it might lead to rejection... something we males have dealt with for decades.

[mantarraya]

WOW. A lot of good points have been made here and I agree with many. Back to the initial post, personally when I meet someone I am interested in and he asks for my number I give him my card and if he offers his in return I tell him that I won't be the first to call, I prefer for the man to be the agressor in the beginning. If he is interested, he calls. If not, as Perrone said, someone else does.

After the initial phone call, I have no issues calling him, inviting him out, etc....

Sounds like an excellent way to deal with the issue....

[hnladue]

I totally agree in the 50/50 rule except I've learned the hard way.... let the men call first. I will no longer call them. Why? I'm tired of being made the fool, being made fun of, being treated like trash, etc etc.... I will no longer 'chase' anyone first. Every single time I've made the first call, I get laughed at, called fat, treated inhumane and end up crying. It's not worth it anymore, I'm not playing that anymore.

I will however, show I can carry my own weight. I am female, (at least last time I checked) but I don't play the 'house wife' role. I will cook and clean, but I expect them to also. However they can have the fixing the car thing... takes too long to get the grease out from under my nails!

Now, GO IRON MY SHIRT!! heh.

[PerroneFord]

I totally agree in the 50/50 rule except I've learned the hard way.... let the men call first. I will no longer call them. Why? I'm tired of being made the fool, being made fun of, being treated like trash, etc etc.... I will no longer 'chase' anyone first. Every single time I've made the first call, I get laughed at, called fat, treated inhumane and end up crying. It's not worth it anymore, I'm not playing that anymore.

Welcome to what we have had to deal with since middle school. And unlike women, WE don't get together with our friends in your presence, shoot glances your way, and laugh.

[BeachBunny]

I totally agree in the 50/50 rule except I've learned the hard way.... let the men call first. I will no longer call them. Why? I'm tired of being made the fool, being made fun of, being treated like trash, etc etc.... I will no longer 'chase' anyone first. Every single time I've made the first call, I get laughed at, called fat, treated inhumane and end up crying. It's not worth it anymore, I'm not playing that anymore.

Welcome to what we have had to deal with since middle school. And unlike women, WE don't get together with our friends in your presence, shoot glances your way, and laugh.

Not all girls are mean. My friends and I never laugh at men for any reason other than we are talking about all of the naughty things we would like to do to them and seeing who actually has the em, well, guts to make the first move with the hotties in question. People who laugh out of ugliness are usually pretty insecure with themselves and have nothing better to do. It makes them feel better to belittle another person, but hey we all already know that!

Don't let the haters bring you down!

[Twinklez]

...if he offers his in return I tell him that I won't be the first to call...

If he is interested, he calls. If not, as Perrone said, someone else does.

Communication...you tell him what you expect. He doesn't have to read your mind. He knows that if he wants to talk to you, he'll have to call. Takes the guess work out of it for both of you because you can then safely assume he isn't interested if you haven't heard from him.

Important point to remember guys...if I gave my number to you, it's likely I've given it to someone else as well. So the "someone else will be calling" situation works both ways.

If you wait three weeks to dial that number, I'm gonna assume that you're only calling me because you've exhausted all of your other opportunities. I'll be polite, but I'll not likely be available.

I'm tired of being made the fool, being made fun of, being treated like trash, etc etc.... I will no longer 'chase' anyone first. Every single time I've made the first call, I get laughed at, called fat, treated inhumane and end up crying. It's not worth it anymore, I'm not playing that anymore.

Making the first move doesn't mean you're chasing anyone, unless you make the second move after getting the brush off on the first move. It's ok to show you're interested. If he's not, there are other fish in the sea.

I've been told by many different men that they have a preference for slender women, and not all of them were in nice ways. Once a guy that rode horses with the same group I did called me the grape ape...I had on a lavender colored dress that he apparently didn't like. It hurt. I cry sometimes when I'm alone, but not because of all the jerks I've met. I think more because I'm really afraid that I'm not gonna meet "him," at least not in this life.

Hnladue, I truly believe in the saying "No chance, no dance." It is worth it. Love is worth taking a chance for!

Welcome to what we have had to deal with since middle school. And unlike women, WE don't get together with our friends in your presence, shoot glances your way, and laugh.

Perrone, when that man called me the grape ape he was surrounded by a handful of other men who all laughed with him. Guys do it too.

I typically don't gather with anyone; more of a lone wolf I guess. Unless I'm attending an SD event where everyone is my friend, I'm alone when I step out.

That being said, I once heard that women who travel in packs are less likely to be asked out. So what's up with that? Why isn't anybody asking me? I know I'm not Barbie, but I do get my share of second glances; so why don't they ask? Dad says my intelligence, confidence and straight-forward manner is intimidating to men; they feel they have little to offer me. If they only knew....

Don't let the haters bring you down!

There you go! Ultimately you get the final say in how you feel about something. You can choose to let it bother you, or just brush it off and get on your way to the next prospect.

The more men I meet, the more seasoned I become at meeting them...I've heard there's a lot to be said for experience!

Edited by Twinklez, 05 October 2006 - 07:23 PM.

[drbill]

I continue to sense in many of these posts that some women want it both ways. I agree with Jamie's comment. The attitude is one reason I do little to no dating these days... especially here in SoCal where many women expect to be pampered just because they look "good." I don't buy you drinks or flowers (I prefer women who desire more substantive "gifts" anyway), nor do I expect you to send them to me. If you are interested, I expect you to take the risk just as we have done for years.

Fortunately I have met several women who truly wanted to be partners and didn't need to be pampered, just loved. Hopefully another one will come my way.

[cmt489]

I continue to sense in many of these posts that some women want it both ways.

I don't necessarily disagree with you on this DrBill. I freely admit to my inconsistencies. I also wish that many men would as well.

With that being said, since when did being a modern feminist woman mean that you had to abdicate femininity? Just because I want to be equal in those things in which everyone has to be equal irrespective of gender, race or religion (i.e. voting, property ownership, pay, working opportunities) does not mean that I want to become a man in my personal life. I enjoy the feminine role. In fact, I am the antithesis of a bra-burning feminist as I happen to own many, very nice, some would say very sexy, bras with matching underwear to boot!

[Basslet]

..snip..(I prefer women who desire more substantive "gifts" anyway),

Let's see Bill. I could use a dry suit, or maybe a modeling light for my camera. I would ask for an SLR, lenses, housing and strobes, but I don't want to seem like a golddigger.

[PerroneFord]

I don't necessarily disagree with you on this DrBill. I freely admit to my inconsistencies. I also wish that many men would as well.

With that being said, since when did being a modern feminist woman mean that you had to abdicate femininity?

Does this mean the man/men in your life are free to abdicate their non-traditional female roles? Equality would dictate that since you are free to take the "traditional" role outside of things that everyone should be equal on, then the man should equally be free of non-traditonal roles should he so choose.

Right?