26 replies to this topic

[scubagirl]

Okay here is another question. You all can tell I am a rookie at this. And Scubapunk I did meet him at BT but was totally sober!!!!

Okay here is the deal. I met this guy, he has been calling, text messaging, been on a couple of dates. What are the signs from a guy that he wants to be exclusive and dating? Maybe my problem is that I analyze too much. I have mixed feelings, don't want to be serious but yet maybe it would be a good thing. Who knows!

[naeshy]

Well, I think whether or not a guy wants to be exclusive or not depends on the guy first and foremost. Is he the type that is just looking to have fun with dating and enjoy someone's company? Or is he looking for more long term things like marriage and/or family? You should probably know his ideas on relationships before you try and answer this question.

If he fits into the second category, he almost assuredly is looking for exclusivity, and that will happen in time if you two are compatible. If he fits into the first category, then you should probably expect it to stay casual, at least short of marriage. There's the possibility that you will impress upon him enough to where he might reconsider committment over his bachelor lifestyle, but I think that is less likely.

My two cents...
-S

[WreckWench]

Well I'm not the best person to give advice to other gals as usually I meet lots of people and men in my line of work and many of them are interested in me but I fail to see it. I am therefore writing this reply to the guys that might be reading it so that they realize that some women don't realize you are interested unless you hit them with a 2x4. OTOH...some men come on so strong and smooth and they clearly show thru repetition and intensity that they are interested. However, some of those men are preditors and they have perfected what a woman wants to experience while being pursed. They want some romance mixed with that intensity and yes the feeling that over time as you he gets to know you that he finds you totally desirable, chaseable, and hot! If he is too quick we tend to think he is a player...if he is too slow then we think he is just dragging his feet seeing what else might come along. Finding the magical combination of speed, intensity and passion is quite trickly and yet when its right it seems so natural and easy.

I'm sure that was clear as mud but then trying to describe how you know someone is truly interested in you can be difficult. Here is what I have noticed...

1. He calls everyday
2. As the relationship grows he calls more than once a day.
3. If it is REALLY serious he wants to be the first call of your day and the last call before you go to sleep.
4. He also sends you text messages, emails, pm's etc....usually for no reason other than to let you know he is thinking of you. Or he might be very clever and find work or play reasons to contact you so he can contact you more frequently.
5. He sends cards or letters to let you know you are on his mind. Or he may tuck a note inside a bag or purse to remind you of him when you are traveling.
6. He brings you a flower, or a trinket or something funny to again have you think of him.
7. He links a song to something special like your first date or your first kiss or something unique between the two of you. THat way when you hear that song you'll think of him.
8. He links a gesture to something that is 'special between the two of you'. That way he can send you his special code and no one knows what it means but the two of you.
9. He will often give you a pet name that is only what HE calls you.
10. He will want to introduce you to his family sooner vs later if he is really serious about you.
11. He will use terms of endearment with you letting you know that he is secure enough with you to show his softer or more romantic side.
12. He shares info about his family, his feelings, his dreams, his goals, his passions, etc. And/or he asks you the same so that you can share them together.
13. He acts like he is 16 going on whatever his real age is.


I'm sure others can add to this list but when men are REALLY into me as a person and not as a conquest or just until something better comes along...these characteristics seem to be the same.

[cmt489]

The first thing you need to ask yourself is if YOU want to be officially dating. If you don't, then don't fall into the trap of considering yourself exclusively dating. If this is something that you do want then look at the signs a little closer and see what vibes you are picking up from him. If you are uncertain then you might actually want to be clear and actually ask him straight out in a little while. Right now is likely too soon to have that conversation but if you still need confirmation in a month or two then go ahead and ask.

[jextract]

It sure is fascinating to read what goes on in a woman's head, trying to discover and decipher seemingly hidden clues.

How about this ... just ask him? I guarantee that he'll really find your honesty refreshing.

[Basslet]

It sure is fascinating to read what goes on in a woman's head, trying to discover and decipher seemingly hidden clues.

I hate to say this but I have to agree. Sometimes I think that I am not a normal woman. I hate shopping. I don't dwell on relationship issues. I'd rather spend my money on gear than shoes. It wouldn't even cross my mind to worry about whether or not my dating someone was official. What does that mean anyway? That you have to get a blood test or something?

[mantarraya]

this but I have to agree. Sometimes I think that I am not a normal woman. I hate shopping. I don't dwell on relationship issues. I'd rather spend my money on gear than shoes. It wouldn't even cross my mind to worry about whether or not my dating someone was official. What does that mean anyway? That you have to get a blood test or something?

Add me to the shopping-hating, gear-buying (also electronics and tool-loving) league of women! I'm also not really sure you can EVER tell if a relationship is exclusive, given all the shenanigans I've witnessed over the years. I hope a blood test is not involved, because I have very hard-to-hit veins!

[ScubaPunk]

Okay here is another question. You all can tell I am a rookie at this. And Scubapunk I did meet him at BT but was totally sober!!!!

Sober??? Who was sober, you or the cowboy? Rookie?? Okay, honey, whatever!

The first thing you need to ask yourself is if YOU want to be officially dating.

BINGO!!! This woman does not want to be exclusive with anyone right now. She is having way too much fun. She just wants to know if HE wants to be exclusive!

[scubagirl]

Scubapunk and I go out together. She knows me too well! I do think I analyze too much. I need to just go with the flow. She can attest to me having fun, but in my few single months I have already met a psycho and stalker....YUK! That would start a whole new thread, hehe!

[Walter]

Scubapunk and I go out together.

The question still remains: are you officially dating?

[Basslet]

Scubapunk and I go out together.

The question still remains: are you officially dating?

Coke spit.

[jextract]

12. He shares info about ... his feelings...

AAACK! Run!

[Photographic Mercenary]

Take each moment as given.
For the time that you have is too short, no matter how much it is.
Try to make a pact, to go hand in hand, side by side, shoulder to shoulder.
A challenge to one is a challenge to both.
Enjoy the pleasures of each others company.
Remember that love is a rose that can only grow while it is on the vine.
Trust your instincts they are there for a reason.
If need be make the cut clean and in a single stroke, less suffering for all.


norm

[jextract]

Scubapunk and I go out together. She knows me too well! I do think I analyze too much. I need to just go with the flow. She can attest to me having fun, but in my few single months I have already met a psycho and stalker....YUK! That would start a whole new thread, hehe!

[Mods, please feel free to split this off] Boy, you ain't kidding! I dated a woman five years ago from Toronto (one reason I'm wary about all you Canadians) who when I wanted her out of my life refused to leave. Before we broke up, she stole my PDA and called my ex-girlfriends and told them to stay away and then deleted all the info in it. She went through my apartment and my briefcase and threw away things she didn't think I should have. She told me I had to sever all relationships with women friends. She broke into my email and sent out emails as me to females on my address list. She stole my old wedding ring (this was not too long after my divorce) and threw it away. After we broke up but before she moved back to Canada, she stole a long distance calling card of mine and called me 75-80 times a day (I kept the phone bills in case I have to pursue legal action) - the phone company called me wondering why I had a $1800 phone bill for one month! I had to quit a job because she started calling my boss. I've changed my phone number about every year to stay one step ahead of her but about a year ago I got a call from her and even when I told her never to call me and hung up she immediately called right back. Even now I still get an occasional email from her asking if we can just talk (which I forward on to the abuse department of her internet provider). What part of 'no' is so difficult to understand?

[mantarraya]

Boy, you ain't kidding! I dated a woman five years ago from Toronto (one reason I'm wary about all you Canadians) who when I wanted her out of my life refused to leave.

What a nightmare!!!! Scary that she has still called you not that long ago! Be careful - too "Fatal Attraction" IMO! May she move on to another non-diving victim....