14 replies to this topic

[Moose]

DISCLAIMER: Depressing post follows. Only read if you wish to commiserate or if you have some messed up need to be depressed The following is provided by Moose for informational purposes only and is intended to be used as a guide prior to consultation with an attorney familiar with your specific legal situation. Moose is not engaged in rendering legal or other professional advice, and this post is not a substitute for the advice of an attorney. If you require legal advice, you should seek the services of an attorney. I suggest looking for one in the nearest dumpster, under large rocks, closely behind an ambulance, or under my car! All rights reserved. Boilerplate, Boilerplate.
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You know, every year I used to have my annual “Lonely Hearts Club Party.” It was a party for single people during the holidays. It was a lot of fun. But as each year passed, most of my acquaintances and friends found that special “someone.” Now, I’m the only one left single.

The holidays have come to represent a time of depression for me (and many others). When you go to parties and everyone has an SO. It really highlights the loneliness.
To make matters worst, I don’t have any real family to visit, so the holidays are a real lonely time for me.

There are no easy answers. I normally try to bury my head in projects and other things to keep busy. I can get real productive this time a year as a result (see my post on “To mod or not to mod” on this list).

As for Alfred Lord Tennyson, the person that said, “Tis better to loved and lost, then to never loved at all.” That’s horse manure. I was WAY happier alone before I knew how great love could be. Now, that it’s gone, I’m left much worst for the ride.

Happy f***ing holidays! Now pass the Baileys!

[WreckWench]

Moose I am very sorry that you have had an all too familiar story regarding the holidays! I know that I just about wore out Elvis's Blue Christmas as everyone around me was a couple and seemed to have everything I did not. (For those who do not know I've been single all my life and I've had two broken engagements...he left me and/or cheated on me.)

However just as you I focused on being busy (hey I can help you with that too if you need more distractions) and of course I focused on being with my family until one by one I started losing them.

Then I decided to reach out to others who were in more need than I. I was suffering from a chronic broken heart...but I did have a home, a car, a job and food on my table and oh yes...I got to go diving from time to time.

In fact one of the reasons I ran the first 'singles' trip that eventually became SD was because I was coming off a broken engagement and quite frankly I was devastated.

But when I focused on others I soon realized that sooooooooooooo many more people were in worse condition than I. So many more had greater problems than I. And soon I just substituted diving for relationships. And you know what?

It is better to be single and moderately happy than married and miserable. When the times comes to be married and happy like the storybooks say then I'm ready for that too. But in the meantime I focus on being the best person I can be and helping others.

I'm sure you've done the same...it is in your nature being in the Military you help others all the time. For that you have my complete and honor! And for being strong enough to reach out and call an ace an ace and a spade a spade...Kudos for that too!

Hang in there. When the time is right it will be right. In the meantime do something that will help you as a person grow or be enriched! And help others...it will help you too as you know! -ww

[cmt489]

I am fortunate in that I am very close to my family and Christmas has always been a no-brainer for me. What has traditionally been tougher is new years since there is so much pressure to have a great time and be with people on that night. It is generally a time of anxiety for me. I think I have some pretty good plans for new years this year so the anxiety is gone (travel and friends do wonders when you feel pressure! ) but this year seems to be an exception and not the rule. Hang in there Moose!

[Dive_Girl]

I think I have some pretty good plans for new years this year so the anxiety is gone (travel and friends do wonders when you feel pressure! ) but this year seems to be an exception and not the rule.

HEY!! You hosted friends last New Years!!! So soon she forgets all the wine we drank and my weekend hovering boy toy!

[cmt489]

This is true - but until we had those plans - ANXIETY!!!

[BoomhowerSpeaks]

Boy Toy , sorry I just love to come in on the middle of a conversation. On a serious note I spent quite a few holidays overseas and being alone on the holidays is never fun, I hope the holidays work out well for everyone this year.

[WreckWench]

Boy Toy , sorry I just love to come in on the middle of a conversation. On a serious note I spent quite a few holidays overseas and being alone on the holidays is never fun, I hope the holidays work out well for everyone this year.

Yes you and Moose BOTH spent some holidays overseas serving our country. We often never realize the toll that the service takes on the soldier giving of themselves so freely.

Thank you BOTH and others for the sacrafices you've made then and continue to make perhaps as a result. I am just thrilled that both of you are back safe and DIVING! And of course part of our community.

[TonyL]

On the other hand, the advantage of being single during the holidays is that you only have to try to spend them with your family. You don't have to try to visit multiple families in different locations.

This will be the fifth time that I have spent Christmas overseas. Some have been better than others (I did get to spend one in Jerusalem). This one should be a "white" Christmas.

I have spent several Thanksgivings and Christmases not overseas but also not at home. These turned out to be a great occasion to spend with close friends who were also away from their families. Maybe this can be a time to reconnect with family or get closer to your friends.

I do wish everyone a happy holiday season.

Tony

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[WreckWench]

TonyL GREAT Picture and thank you for the insight!

The Holidays can be what we make of them for the most part. Losing a loved one as several of our members have done recently makes the Holidays VERY TOUGH but for the most part we can have a good time or we can not. Either way we will succeed in what we put our minds too.

Thanks again for the great insight Tony! -ww

[Moose]

On the other hand, the advantage of being single during the holidays is that you only have to try to spend them with your family. You don't have to try to visit multiple families in different locations.

This will be the fifth time that I have spent Christmas overseas. Some have been better than others (I did get to spend one in Jerusalem). This one should be a "white" Christmas.

I have spent several Thanksgivings and Christmases not overseas but also not at home. These turned out to be a great occasion to spend with close friends who were also away from their families. Maybe this can be a time to reconnect with family or get closer to your friends.

I do wish everyone a happy holiday season.

Tony

You know it's funny, but because I'm single, I feel somewhat that it's my duty to serve during the holidays. I wish there was a "roatation" where one solider could go and fill in for another one during the holidays. (So guys with families could come home and single guys like me could take there place.)

I've spent just about every holiday season I can remember either serving in the Army, or working as a contractor. And frankly, I feel good knowing that I can work so that some other person can be home with their families and loved ones.

I don't know where this originally came from, but it's a poem that has given me much strengh during the holidays when I'm serving... ( still brings a tear to my eye)

'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In A One Bedroom House
Made Of Plaster And Stone.

I Had Come Down The Chimney
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who
In This Home Did Live.

I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.

No Stocking By Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
On The Wall Hung Pictures
Of Far Distant Lands.

With Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sober Thought
Came Through My Mind.

For This House Was Different,
It Was Dark And Dreary,
I Found The Home Of A Soldier,
Once I Could See Clearly.

The Soldier Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor
In This One Bedroom Home.

The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured
A United States Soldier.

Was This The Hero
Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
The Floor For A Bed?

I Realized The Families
That I Saw This Night,
Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers
Who Were Willing To Fight.

Soon Round The World,
The Children Would Play,
And Grownups Would Celebrate
A Bright Christmas Day.

They All Enjoyed Freedom
Each Month Of The Year,
Because Of The Soldiers,
Like The One Lying Here.

I Couldn't Help Wonder
How Many Lay Alone,
On A Cold Christmas Eve
In A Land Far From Home.

The Very Thought
Brought A Tear To My Eye,
I Dropped To My Knees
And Started To Cry.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
And I Heard A Rough Voice,
"Santa Don't Cry,
This Life Is My Choice;

I Fight For Freedom,
I Don't Ask For More,
My Life Is My God,
My Country, My Corps."

The Soldier Rolled Over
And Drifted To Sleep,
I Couldn't Control It,
I Continued To Weep.

I Kept Watch For Hours,
So Silent And Still
And We Both Shivered
From The Cold Night's Chill.

I Didn't Want To Leave
On That Cold, Dark, Night,
This Guardian Of Honor
So Willing To Fight.

Then The Soldier Rolled Over,
With A Voice Soft And Pure,
Whispered, "Carry On Santa,
It's Christmas Day, All Is Secure."

One Look At My Watch,
And I Knew He Was Right.
"Merry Christmas My Friend,
And To All A Good Night."

[UnderSeaBumbleBee]

The holidays can be tough for a lot of folks. When I am not able to be with my Mom for a holiday, I end up doing some sort of project or hosting a party for others that are going to be alone for the holidays.

Also, I would like to send a shout out to our military folks on the board and wish you a hearty Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I am so grateful that we have men and women like you who have chosen to serve and protect our country. Thanks for all you do all year long!

[jeff]

I am 38 yrs old now and was married for the best 60 days of my life. Holidays and life in general is geared for families. I am a part of a family but I do not have my own family which is a big difference.

I am very good at working, its all I did in my 20's working on farms. Being quiet it has always been hard for me to make friends; it seems that people already have enough friends and don't have room for one more. I also have a desire to help other people (not thinking strangers and charity) but it seems no one wants my help.

All in all, everyday is a lonely holiday in my life, interupted by brief rays of joy when I get to dive by myself or with a couple of guys I just met.

[WreckWench]

I am 38 yrs old now and was married for the best 60 days of my life. Holidays and life in general is geared for families. I am a part of a family but I do not have my own family which is a big difference.

I am very good at working, its all I did in my 20's working on farms. Being quiet it has always been hard for me to make friends; it seems that people already have enough friends and don't have room for one more. I also have a desire to help other people (not thinking strangers and charity) but it seems no one wants my help.

All in all, everyday is a lonely holiday in my life, interupted by brief rays of joy when I get to dive by myself or with a couple of guys I just met.

Jeff you have about 3000 new friends now! Ok seriously you have met a wonderful group of people whom you are intrinsically a part of! And that makes you wonderful as well. When a human shares of themself they are giving a gift. Someone on this site has benefited from the gifts of sharing that you have given and someone has benefited from the same gifts that you have received. Someone else is able to realize that they are not alone...others feel the same as you do. And you have related to Moose and others in kind.

As for the sadness...many of us feel sadness when we are not part of a 'whole' or part of a 'couple'. And I fear that this strong desire for both men and women to feel complete by being part of a couple leads them to 'give too much' in other ways. It is instinctive but it can also be easily abused or misused. You'll get hurt and then feel like 'nice guys finish last'. However had you reserved that goodness and giving for someone who had earned it and deserved it...you'd mostly likely not have the same tale of woe.

If diving makes you happy then focus more on diving. If you are happy you'll attract happy people. If you are sad you'll either attract sad people or you'll attract those who feel they need to fix you or save you or help you. Unless you need saving, fixing or helping, it is imperative that you find your own happiness so that you'll attract that same type of happiness and ulitmately higher quality people and yes women.

I know this sounds overly simplistic but it is this easy. It is a personal decision to control your life and not allow your life to control you.

[Penguin]

This is an interesting thread and the first I have read it.

Holidays can be a chellenging time for everyone. Whether it be as a rsult of being unattached or spreading time too thin getting to everywhere we feel responsible for being. I have moved throughout the country in my 40 years and with each move brings the challenge of extracting established roots and planting new. In those times I have been very forunate to meet good people who have developed into good friends. I have always been invited for holidays when not with my family, ex-wife, etc. They have been some good times!! Similarly, I have also taken the philosophy that my home is open to anyone who may be alone for a holiday regardless of the reason. I have had some of the most enjoyable holidays hosting other transplants, recently seperated, divorced, etc. There have been many a toast and some of the funniest stories that I have ever heard in my life!

SO...........seeing as I have moved AGAIN, to my 10th city, I am reestablishing my new roots in a new environment. Although there isn't much that we can do regading holidays just past, we CAN look forward and start planning those of 2007. With any luck, I will be back in a house as opposed to the hotel by then so anyone is welcome to South Jersey. I am an excellent cook and love cooking big meals. I've also been known to serve a couple bottles of wine, maybe some beer and even a few cocktails on occasion---something I am sure is not all that unique to this group!!!

Seeing as the most celebrated holidays fall during a fairly cold and miserable time of year in the northern half, perhaps we should look at scheduling an SD trip over the holidays. I've spent the holidays in the Caribbean and it would not be difficult to get me, for one, to head south again for the holidays!!

There is still plenty of time to plan. Post your thoughts to the thread and lets make it happen!!

[shadragon]

What has traditionally been tougher is new years since there is so much pressure to have a great time and be with people on that night. It is generally a time of anxiety for me.

Didn't join the board until after N.Y. so apologies for my late comments.

I think the secret is to live a good life without someone else hinging on the plans you make. If someone comes along to share those plans, great. If not, you will go and have a good time anyway. I don't let anyone else "pressure" me into doing something. I go and do what I want to do. Life is too short to follow other peoples expectations. I also find having a diversity of interests is a good thing too. If you don't want to go diving, go biking, if not that go camping, or movies, or restaurants or zoo's or stamp collecting, or whatever floats your boat... Stay active mentally and physically and you will meet him/her one day. During my separation I was a house hermit for a year because of financial restraints. I didn't meet any women sitting on my couch.

New Years is a traditionally couples evening, no doubt about that. This year I watched a DVD and went to bed early. Then got up New Years Day and went diving off a boat with 7 others. Freezing rain, 3-5 foot waves and 44F water, but we had a great day nonetheless. Have fun and enjoy life. The rest falls into place eventually.

The only constant in life is change...