29 replies to this topic

[Diverlady]

Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from
work." said the man.
"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her....by climbing up to the rafters, and
hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from
the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going?
The blonde answered, "Home, I can't work in the dark".



Diverlady

[Walter]

Brilliant! (no pun intended) I love it!!!!!

[Bubble2Bubble]

Thats a good one DL. I'm glad you started the blonde jokes now i can put mine up!

Thanks

They need a Blonde smillie also

[Diverlady]

They need a Blonde smillie also

You mean my avatar won't do???

Diverlady

[Bubble2Bubble]

Good Point DL

I'll PM ZD and see what he can do

[Diverlady]

Good Point DL

I'll PM ZD and see what he can do

I WAS KIDDING!!! ROFL!!




Diverlady

[WreckWench]

Thank goodness someone posted a blonde joke before I did!!! YEA!!!

I really love blonde jokes however I just don't get them all the time!!! LOL!!!

[WisconsinGal]

Good Joke! LOL I hadn't heard that one before.

[zendiver]

OK, now that it has been started, I will go where NO MAN has the guts to go.

Finally, . . . . a smart blonde joke.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,she has the title and everything checks out . the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.


The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies.....

"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[zendiver]

This one cracks me up!

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"

[zendiver]

A blonde skateing!!!1

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the
excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm.

Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

[zendiver]

One last one for the day:

A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

[WreckWench]

HELP!!! I've fallen and I can't get up.....I also hurt from laughing so hard....I think I got them all....but then what does it matter....when I finally pick myself up and re-read them again....they will all be NEW again!!! LOL!!! You have to STOP...I can't take this much in one day and I am miles away from the nearest medically trained personnel!!!

[zendiver]

OK, I lied, I can't resist.

Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ...

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

[zendiver]

The down-and-out Blonde...

A blonde finds herself in dire trouble.

Her business has gone bust and she is in serious financial trouble.

She is so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray, "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let
me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Blonde again prays, "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and the Blonde still has no luck.

Once again, she prays, "God, have you forgotten me?? I've lost my business, my home and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and the Blonde is confronted by the voice of God himself - "Meet me halfway on this... BUY A TICKET!!!"