24 replies to this topic

[Scott]

Well, I'm back to Single Divers and thought I may as well let you folks know what the hell kept me away for so long!

It all started one morning when a friend of mine called saying she was very very depressed, wanted some company and wanted to get some movies at blockbuster, a bottle of wine and some chinese take out.

Sounded good to me...it was a quiet Monday night and I was on vacation so I hopped up, went out, bought some decent but not too expensive wine and rented some movies after calling her to ask what she wanted to see.

We had a really good time, wetalked late, she ended up laughing and smiling and neither of us remembered much of the movies. We did not fool around...didn't kiss...nothing...Throughout the evening she made it more and more clear that she liked me and that if I asked her do go out and do something she would be happy to join me. I didn't want to come on to her when she was having a hard time...(She was upset about her work situation...nothing too serious...) because I was afraid it would have been "Taking advantage" of the situation.

Well, we ended up both falling asleep on her couch. In the morning her best friend, who has a key to her house, stopped by on her way to work to borrow a purse (or something) and I awoke looking up at one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen. Wow...this woman was HOT. Unfortunately...she was also SATAN (I'll refer to her as B-. from here out...)

When she left I made some casual inquiries about my about her to my friend and as it turns out she was a single mom with 2 boys, living with her mom for the lasts 6 months after leaving an abusive relationship and most definately on the 'market.'

The next weekend my friend and I went to the beach and had a great day. Again, we laughed all day, we got a good buzz at the local watering hole, and as we were discussing what to do for dinner, B-. called her up so my friend, being buzzed, invited her to join us for dinner. An hour later I was in a nice restaurant with a Mai Tai and a nice plate of grouper and in the company of two very attractive girls feeling like a stud!

We all talked, and after having a few more drinks we decided to just get a hotel room and avoid any unfortunate dealings with the police.

Once in the hotel, I took a shower, and then my friend took one so I laid down to watch some TV and talk with B-. a little bit. When my friend got out of the shower she got into the other bed and then B-. made her first indication that she was interested in me. (I was too blind to see that my friend and I would have been a great couple...) B-. crawled into my bed and curled up to go to sleep. My friend was clearly a litttle upset and said something in passing, which I didn't really catch as yet another indication that nshe was interested in me.

At some point that morning my friend took off without waking me and after B-. and I checked out I called my friend to see what had ahppened...no answer...no return of my message...and B-. and I enjoyed a day at the beach much like I had done the day before. We ended up getting the hotel again and it was the beginning of her stronghold on me.

We became practically inseperable. I found myself spending every breathing moment with her that I was not at work...I was completely anamoured and unfortunately our mutual friend didn't talk with either of us anymore.

B-. lost her job after a couple of months so I started paying her rent, paying for doctor visits for her and her boys, started spending nights over at her moms house (who loved me because I was the only person she had ever seen sit with the boys and help them with their homework...)

Well, B-. never went and got a job, but while Iwas at work she said that she was out looking so I gave her access to my bank account in case she needed gas, lunch, etc...

We really hit it off and we talked of marriage quite a bit.

One morning, before I went to work, B-. said that she was incredibly sick and asked me to take her to an emergency room so I called in and took a personal day off. After spending 9 hours in he hospital with her the doctor finally saw her and then came out and asked me if I had the same addiction as she had..to vicodin. My jaw dropped. ADDICTED TO VICODIN! NO! There must be a mistake! We are not junkies!

The doctor asked me to go in and talk with her and B-. told me that she had been doing 30-40 a day but she was trying to quit (hence being sick and in the hospital) She said that she was trying to quit because she loved me, not so much to help herself...and she said that she didn't know how bad it was until she had slept with a dealer to get a stash instead of spending my money to buy her junk.

Wow...I was floored...but, being a sucker, I believed that she really wanted to quit. I asked her what the time line was, and conveniently, she had lost her job right after her addiction started, and she had just cheated on me a few days before. Thank god, we had not had sex in this time, but not knowing if it was the first time I still went to the doctor to get a complete STD checkup. Something I NEVER WANT TO DO AGAIN!

Clean...good...

Well, two weeks later, B-. was still pretty sick, but she started to get better and I was thinking that things might get back to normal.

As it turned out she was feeling better because she was on the drugs again. It was too painful for her not to have the pills. I learned this after my car insurance bill, my internet bill, my electric bill and my truck payments all got declined because she had cleaned my account out.

I never talked with her again. As much as it pained me, if I couldn't trust her with money I sure couldn't trust her with being married.

In hind sight...I know I knew that my friend was interested in me, but I was so wrapped up in the incredibly HOT packaging that I elected to go for the brightest package under the tree instead of another more plain one...not that my friend is not a beautiful gal too...) I wish I hadn't wasted my time and taht I had been more forward with my first interest.

Knowing this, I should have seen the red flags flying when B-. crawled into bed with me instead of her friend. Sex or no sex, it wasn't right...

Next, I should have known that since my friend wasn't returning my calls, ther was most certainly something going on that I should have paid attention to. I should have stopped by her place to talk with her.

Then, when B-. lost a job, and couldn't find one for a couple of months I should have KNOWN that there was something going on and once we found out that there was a problem, and that she was trying to quit for ME (Not for her sons, not for herself...) there was a SERIOUS problem.

Anyway, my friend has now moved away...but we do talk...and she is not mad at me anymore, but she also said that she couldn't date me anymore after I passed her by because she would always feel like I didn't think she was good enough.

Dang...I blew it.

On the bright side for me, though, I found out before tying the knot and I learned some good lessons.
On the bright side for the gals in Tampa, I'm single again!

Mahalo,
Scott

[Scott]

Anyone have other major indicators to help others avoid similar situations?

[Basslet]

Anyone have other major indicators to help others avoid similar situations?

Yeah. Think with the big brain in your head, not the little brain in your pants.

[netmage]

Anyone have other major indicators to help others avoid similar situations?

If it seems too good to be true - it probably is....

[Basslet]

Never give anyone access to your bank account. ESPECIALLY members of the opposite sex and your children.

[DandyDon]

Never give anyone access to your bank account. ESPECIALLY members of the opposite sex and your children.

Yeah, really....

I could offer some really good suggestions as how to avoid such problems, but it's like the only way to avoid diving problems is to not dive. Even the lessor limits I do use keep me very uninvolved most of the time when combined with my remote location. These statements did more than raise red flags, tho - more like incendiary signals of run-away quickly....

B-. lost her job after a couple of months so I started paying her rent, paying for doctor visits for her and her boys, started spending nights over at her moms house (who loved me because I was the only person she had ever seen sit with the boys and help them with their homework...)

Well, B-. never went and got a job, but while Iwas at work she said that she was out looking so I gave her access to my bank account in case she needed gas, lunch, etc...

Well, good luck next time. Al-Anon Family Groups is an excellent organization for those of us who have been there. Look them up if you're interested; they're easy to find.

[Hipshot]

If it seems too good to be true - it probably is....

Somewhat related...nobody's perfect until you fall in love with them.

Rick

[ScubaPunk]

Sorry to hear of your bad experience Scott, but now you are the wiser for it. Why do we always have to learn the hard way?

Never get involved with a nondiver!

Edited by ScubaPunk, 29 April 2007 - 07:29 PM.

[pir8]

They say experience is the best teacher.

[Penguin]

Scott---2 things

1. You never learn from doing things right the frist time--thats just dumb luck. We only learn from the awareness created by analyzing mistakes.

2. Speaking from the voice of experience......When in "love" you can be violently beaten over the head with all of the red flags and, still, find a way to rationalize them into non-existance.

As we all say......live and learn!

[annasea]

Quite the story, Scott. Glad you made it out OK in the end. I don't have any advice to offer (But I loved what Ellen had to say! ) but I will repeat for emphasis what you wrote here:

<snip>We became practically inseperable. I found myself spending every breathing moment with her that I was not at work...I was completely anamoured <snip>

To my way of thinking, this mindset screams *red flag*. I know plenty of people *fall in love at first sight* and all that, but frankly, I just don't buy it. The term *castles made of sand* comes to mind...

[JohnEric]

ahhh we all pay our money and take our chances and then hang on for the ride. I seem to keep getting back in line for the rollar coaster!

[shadragon]

ahhh we all pay our money and take our chances and then hang on for the ride. I seem to keep getting back in line for the rollar coaster!

I just wish I could tell whether is will be an A, B or C ticket ride beforehand. Nothing worse than expecting a Monster Coaster and ending up on the Tea Cups... hahaha

[JohnEric]

Man I could tell you stories that would turn your hair white!!! For about 20 years I must have walked around with a sign on my back that read "Ladies Kick Here" until I finally "Understood WOmen"

But I still got in line for yet another thrilling daredevil white knukle ride and I have NEVER ridden the teacps!!!


psttt here is the secret....."women are ALWAYS right"