15 replies to this topic

[DiverBabs]

I went out with some friends the other night and we started “story telling. We were sharing some of our most embarrassing moments… I literally laughed until I cried!!

That being said, I’m going to share one (and there are many) of my most embarrassing moments with you all. Hopefully, you will see the humor and come back with a “moment” of your own to share.

Mine went like this….

I was in junior high school. My father’s name is Richard. My sisters and my best friend Carol fondly called him Big Dick. My dad, like most fathers would occasionally give us the “When I was a kid, I had to walk 5 miles to school…..Blah, Blah, Blah” story. Dad was always sure to add that the more fortunate neighbor boys would blast by him in their pick-up truck. Hence he always wanted a pick-up truck.

Well, we had heard this story for years. One day, Carol and I are sitting on the porch & my dad comes home with this ‘rust bucket” of a truck. Seriously, rust was the only thing holding it together! It had been patched and painted with so many colors it almost looked camouflaged. The muffler was non-existent and it was full of dents. Carol and I could not stop laughing! Apparently, Dad had bought it as a “fix-er-up-er” - to say the least.

Anyway… a few days later our friend Joyce, Carol and I are sitting outside in the bleachers at a high school ball game. Our boyfriends are sitting in the stands with us. We were all just hanging out being typical teenagers waiting for the game to start when here comes this old, very loud, beat up truck rumbling down the road to the ball field.

Joyce looked up, pointed at the truck and over the noise said “Geeze, can you believe that thing is even out on the road!?” We were all looking at the truck when I nudged Carol with my elbow and said “Oh, I like Big Dick’s better”. (Yes, I actually said that!!). She burst out laughing and said “What????” And yes, I actually repeated it, only louder so she could hear me this time, “I said, I like Big Dick’s better”. She was rolling… At this point, I still did not realize what I was saying – I thought she was laughing about that noisy truck. My boyfriend, who is sitting behind me… leans down and says, “you what??”. I turned to him and said above the noise.... "I said, I like Big Dick’s better” only to realize about midway through my sentence, that the driver of the truck had shut off his engine and what I was really yelling!!

Needless to say, I didn’t live that one down at school for a while!

[peterbj7]

I mis-spent my time at university in England playing croquet on the various college purpose-made greens, supping tea from silver cups. Those were the days!

Some years later my employer put me into a "management course" preparatory to promotion, and one of the tasks was to lecture my fellow candidates on a non-work topic of my choice. It had to last 15 minutes and was videoed. I chose croquet, because even in England it's a fairly unusual game and most people don't know much about it, but it's actually a superb game of strategy and malice!

Because a lot was riding on this week-long course, and because like most people I don't like public speaking, I was quite nervous. Still, all went well until I was describing the various strokes used in the game (a knowledge of the game comes in very handy at this point in my narrative). Remember that the correct and most effective way to swing a croquet mallet is centrally between the legs, not sideways like a golf club. The "roquet" stroke is used to play a ball against another, which can belong to yourself or any other player. In the "croquet" stroke that follows, you position the ball that you previously hit with the mallet anywhere adjacent to the ball that it struck, and then hit it again so that the second ball also moves, however slightly.

Anyway, the more discerning of you may by now be ahead of me. Full of nerves I had little idea of what I was saying, though of course I did see the video afterwards, in which I saw myself describing the process thus: "you swing your mallet between your legs and bang your balls together". When the room collapsed into laughter I genuinely had no idea why, until someone managed to control her sobbing long enough to recite it back to me.

Despite that, I got the promotion.

Edited by peterbj7, 06 September 2008 - 01:28 PM.

[shadragon]

Met her on a dating site. Went for coffee and she said she was single, no kids. On the first date I meet her in a historic shopping mall. You know the hundred year old old kind with separate meat, fish, baker stalls, etc. Had fun for about an hour talking, window shopping, eating etc.

Suddenly she bumps into a friend of hers she has not seen in a few weeks. "So... How are Jack and the kids...?" the friend asks her.

[weescot]

Met her on a dating site. Went for coffee and she said she was single, no kids. On the first date I meet her in a historic shopping mall. You know the hundred year old old kind with separate meat, fish, baker stalls, etc. Had fun for about an hour talking, window shopping, eating etc.

Suddenly she bumps into a friend of hers she has not seen in a few weeks. "So... How are Jack and the kids...?" the friend asks her.

That is a classic Simon

When I was in the Navy (swing lamp) I spent several years as a personnel selection officer. I literally interviewed 1000's of young sailors as they made their way through their Naval careers. The interview was a standard interview format which included talking them through their Naval experience to date. I was assessing one sailor for a job transfer about 6 years after the Falklands War (South Atlantic). Many of his documents were missing and had a few stange notes on them. I noted this, but thought little of it at th time. The interview was going well. Until....

Me: "So how did you find HMS Coventry?
Him: "It was good"
Me: "What job did you have"
Him "Watchleader in the radio room"
Me: "How did you find being in the Falklands"
Him: "hard work, but I enjoyed it. Good experience etc"
Me: "So, I see you left suddenly. Why?" (as this is normally a red flag for us)
Him "WEll ma'am,..(looking sideways) ... we were sunk..."

I nearly died... although luckliy he saw the funny side of it. I gave him is job transfer needless to say....

[ScubaSis]

Mine is an old classic I guess.

I had my 3 sisters and husbands in town and we all went to church together one Sunday morning.

Afterward we went out to eat lunch.

I had to go to the restroom. Then I walked across the resturant to my seat.

I had a habbit of kind of brushing my hand across the back of my dress to smooth it under me as I sat down.

To my amazement I felt nothing there!!

I sat down as quickly as possible and looked around behind me to people sitting at other tables.

They were ALL laughing!!

My dress was stuck up in my panty hose !!!!

Of course when my family realized what was happening they burst out laughing too!!!

Edited by ScubaSis, 07 September 2008 - 09:06 AM.

[Capn Jack]

Right after the Navy switched from sails to steam - I was taking my annual physical on an aircraft carrier. When the corpsman gave me my bottle for a urine sample - he directed me to the Officer's head -

"Sir - through that hatch to your stern, portside aft take the ladderwell below to the starboardside athwartships passageway aft of frame 437 turn starboard past the trunk and the officers head will be right through that hatch. Bring your sample back to the lab sir, then return here."

Thoroughly lost by the time I found A head, and back towards the medical facility - I saw a line of sailors waiting outside the hatch marked "lab".... I was already late, so I invoked my sacred officer privilege to cut to the head of the line - and was somewhat surprised how pleasant the sailors at the head of the line were as they made a hole for me.

I entered the lab with my little bottle, and found a corpsman, who smirked and said to me - "Welcome to the clap line, Lieutenant - which whorehouse do you think you got it in?"

When I left the sailors in the line were all clapping, smiling and laughing as I tried to explain it was all a mistake - they just laughed.

Needless to say, I NEVER invoked my head-of-line privileges again.

Edited by Capn Jack, 07 September 2008 - 09:36 AM.

[weescot]

Right after the Navy switched from sails to steam - I was taking my annual physical on an aircraft carrier. When the corpsman gave me my bottle for a urine sample - he directed me to the Officer's head -

"Sir - through that hatch to your stern, portside aft take the ladderwell below to the starboardside athwartships passageway aft of frame 437 turn starboard past the trunk and the officers head will be right through that hatch. Bring your sample back to the lab sir, then return here."

Thoroughly lost by the time I found A head, and back towards the medical facility - I saw a line of sailors waiting outside the hatch marked "lab".... I was already late, so I invoked my sacred officer privilege to cut to the head of the line - and was somewhat surprised how pleasant the sailors at the head of the line were as they made a hole for me.

I entered the lab with my little bottle, and found a corpsman, who smirked and said to me - "Welcome to the clap line, Lieutenant - which whorehouse do you think you got it in?"

When I left the sailors in the line were all clapping, smiling and laughing as I tried to explain it was all a mistake - they just laughed.

Needless to say, I NEVER invoked my head-of-line privileges again.

[DiverBabs]

These are GREAT!!!

Thanks for sharing and keep em' comin!

[drbill]

I'm afraid my most embarrassing moment, at least underwater, is too embarrassing to post here.

[Mitch0129]

Right after the Navy switched from sails to steam - I was taking my annual physical on an aircraft carrier.

Was the carrier the Langley?

(Sorry, I could not resist!)

[mantarraya]

I entered the lab with my little bottle, and found a corpsman, who smirked and said to me - "Welcome to the clap line, Lieutenant - which whorehouse do you think you got it in?"

Now why do I have absolutely NO problem believing this is a true story (and I even buy completely your explanation that it was all a mistake)????

Edited by mantarraya, 07 September 2008 - 09:06 PM.

[peterbj7]

Let me add one on behalf of a diver who sadly is no longer with us. Zak Jones died in a rebreather accident a couple of years ago. But I recall him telling me that one day, when he was making a long solo rebreather dive on the barrier reef here, he was suddenly caught severely short. The nature of the problem was one that could not be resolved by the time-old expedient of peeing in his suit. He needed the best part of an hour before he could surface, and in any case that would be ahead of expectations and there wouldn't be a boat waiting for him, so that was no option. So knowing he was alone he switched to his bailout cylinder, took off the rebreather, slipped off his suit and dealt with the matter there and then. He then put his suit back on, retrieved his rebreather and prepared to continue the dive, much relieved.

Unfortunately there was no current that day and water clarity was good. His depth of around 150ft was only slightly deeper than that reached by the instructor and student who suddenly appeared from nowhere. The brown cloud was rather a giveaway, and the instructor (who knew Zak) confirmed later that they had had a good view of the entire proceeding as they descended.

[shadragon]

Unfortunately there was no current that day and water clarity was good.

That's funny. The other divers reported crappy viz...

[peterbj7]

ROTFLMAO

[Capn Jack]

Now why do I have absolutely NO problem believing this is a true story (and I even buy completely your explanation that it was all a mistake)????

You'll have to trust me on this. The only good part was this was September - and the JFK returned to CONUS in December, so I only had to endure a few months of smirks around the boat.

And no Mitch, it was not the Langley. While I am old, feeble, and harmless... I am not quite that old.