73 replies to this topic

[Marvel]

Great question! There are a few but, of course, it is all based on your state of mind. I think that cooking, folding laundry, and a ton of other "menial" houshold tasks can be an act of love, & therefore romantic, if performed with the right spirit of giving. Sometimes, the performance of those chores can give me that same euphoric feeling that candlelight & wine can.

[rockhound1971]

Do you really think? ...so unbelievable i had to add three... I've never really experienced the menial or mundane as romantic and to be able to get euphoria from that experience...i just can't imagine it...

the romantic...sure...i guess i'd call my self a romantic at heart, so that parts easy.

i have found that little bit of a sparkle from watching someone prepare a meal for me...its can be really great when you know that the reason that they are in the kitchen is for you...I've found myself oddly attracted to a girlfriend who has their back turned to me close to the counter, cutting or stirring, or something...i just want to go over get close and well.. kiss the back of her neck.

I guess that's the same, but laundry, and dishes...I hate laundry

[Sylvia]

That is too cool but you're sooooooooooooo right.
So when do you want me to do your shirts???

[Marvel]

Do you really think? ...so unbelievable i had to add three... I've never really experienced the menial or mundane as romantic and to be able to get euphoria from that experience...i just can't imagine it...

the romantic...sure...i guess i'd call my self a romantic at heart, so that parts easy.

i have found that little bit of a sparkle from watching someone prepare a meal for me...its can be really great when you know that the reason that they are in the kitchen is for you...I've found myself oddly attracted to a girlfriend who has their back turned to me close to the counter, cutting or stirring, or something...i just want to go over get close and well.. kiss the back of her neck.

I guess that's the same, but laundry, and dishes...I hate laundry

Ah, but you have to realize- it's the act of service for someone you love. I once had a boyfriend who did not want me to do such things for him- it actually turned out to be one of the reasons that we broke up. Weird, huh?

[Sylvia]

I guess signing a likes and don't likes agreement would be more in line.

But, Marvel, it's his loss --- not yours!!!

[rockhound1971]

Sylvia you can do my shirts anytime you please...but does that mean in exchange i have to cook you a meal...popcorn and toast Peanuts Thanksgiving style acceptable?...

Marvel...i think that's one of the fun parts about getting to know someone and god forbid moving in with someone, you get to explore those menial likes and dislikes...this fella that you spoke of just wasn't your match...I've never however met another guy who wouldn't like someone to perform those acts of service for them...not me anyway...so, weird...yes...

lets circle around and get back to the agreement...I know that something so formal is out of the question, but their are some unspoken ground rules aren't there?

[Sylvia]

Douglas,

You're right there are some unspoke guidelines. As for the shirts that fine as long as there is a trade off, because after all I'm not in the laundry business.

It's all sumed up in mutual respect, genuine physical attraction, random acts of kindness and you deposit into each other's lives a bit of joy and love.

Your honesty and perpective has been refreshing.

[rockhound1971]

Sylvia, are you flattering me...

I agree on the emotional banks front, mutual respect, random acts of kindness...but mystery as well...without the mystic, there isn't much. You have to have that little bit of not knowing...that wondering...I think its crucial...

Have i been in california too long, or is that normal?

[Marvel]

Absolutely there are ground rules! The trouble with them is that they vary from one person to another, almost never get spoken of, & often lead to misunderstandings &/or breakups as a result. Too often we don't communicate our "rules," which are often part of our core belief system to potential partners. Sometimes it is because we assume that the other person thinks the same way that we do, despite all evidence to the contrary. Sometimes it is out of fear that voicing our deal-breakers will precipitate a breakup. I have one rule that I will not compromise on- I've tried & found that I cannot do so. Other than that, I try to remain open to communication. I don't always agree with other people's rules but I try to respect them.

Of course, the extreme differences in the way that men & women communicate create lots of problems- not to mention how we process feelings. Women often feel more comfortable using other women as sounding boards because they are leary of actually expressing themselves openly to the man in their life. I have no real idea how men process- a male friend of mine used to tell me that his emotions were as wide as the sea but a shallow as a puddle. He says that that's a basic description of males' feelings. Would you agree or disagree with that statement?

[Sylvia]

Dougla,

Mystery of in a woman is good, that means you have to get to know her so she will open up.

Marvel,

You're so right because I once dated a guy that all he did was talk about himself. I really didn't know him so I never opened up to him. He walked away and soon learned that I was exactly what he was looking for, but it was too late as I was in another relationship.

I think SD website, you feel comfortable to share and joke and be opinionated but if we're honest, relating is a process sometimes full of surprises, twists and turns.

[rockhound1971]

Man marvel, the response to that question is a tough one...How do men process feelings...I wouldn't begin to suggest a response that blankets all men, the only thing i can tell you is how i process or try to process...

First let me say that sometimes I chose not to process the emotion... I think woman on the whole are just learning this valuable trait...this is sometimes coupled with a night out with the boys getting hammered and quite possibly there maybe a strip club involved....

Second...when i chose to process the emotion, i very rarely sit down with my guy friends over a football game and talk about my emotions, I may be from California, but that's just a little too San Francisco for me

when i do process, for me it usually includes alot of alone time...i do my best thinking when i'm on my own. So a couple day hike in the backcountry of the sierra, or a weekend out on the boat (when i had the boat). I think in general woman find it difficult to give men the space that they need to process information...Were slow sometimes...

as far as saying...if i think the male emotions are as "wide as the sea but a shallow as a puddle." I'd have to say that while my emotions maybe as wide as the sea, they are as complex as the next persons...i guess i don't think that shallow is a fair characterization...

[Sylvia]

Marvel,

Although in a perfect world you could discuss everything with your significant other, that's not the case, this is why we have our group of girlfriends.

It's only as a relationship grows that you can begin to discuss the things that really matter, as trust and being validated grows.

[underh2o2long]

YIKES!!! What have I done... you people are too serious!!! This WAS and IS a joke.... Lightn up Frances!!! David

[rockhound1971]

Sorry David...leave people to their own devices and look what happens....did i get distracted again????

[Marvel]

YIKES!!! What have I done... you people are too serious!!! This WAS and IS a joke.... Lightn up Frances!!! David

! That's what seems to happen here a lot! You start a serious discussion & it turns into a discussion on "pink snorkles" or some such nonsense. You start a joke & it turns into a discussion on communication between the sexes....