2 replies to this topic

[Walter]

We are from different areas with different backgrounds. We do have things in common. We enjoy diving and we are single. We're interested in meeting other single divers. Some of us are just looking for dive buddies. Some of us are also looking for romance. Some of us aren't looking for romance, but are open to the idea. All of us have a bit of a dilemma. We want to meet people, but we want to do it in a safe manner. Everyone has heard horror stories about online stalkers. How can we accomplish our goals of meeting new, fun people and yet stay safe? Keep in mind, there are stalkers and liars online, but they are not just online.

There are steps we can all take to increase our safety.

Never post personal information. Let's face it, when we write our introductions and profiles, that information is visible to just about anyone with a computer. Keep personal information private. This includes phone numbers, e-mail addresses, last names, and addresses and where you work.

Don't rush into things. Learn about the person before agreeing to meet. Read their posts. Exchange many PM's. Get a feeling for their personality. No one is perfect, if they seem too good to be true, dig a little deeper. Are they consistent? If you don't feel right about meeting the person, don't. Consider meeting people to be similar to a dive. Anyone can abort a dive at any time, for any reason, even if you can't articulate that reason. You have the right to abort a meeting at any time, for any reason, even if you can't articulate that reason.

References are a great idea. If you can talk to someone who has met the person, it will give you a much better idea of what they are truly like.

Don't trust everyone. People earn trust over time. Take your time to earn trust and take time to let others earn your trust.

Call and talk. Once you feel you know someone pretty well, call and talk on the phone. You'll learn things about a person when talking you can never learn through PM's and e-mails.

Exchange photos. Request several photos taken at different times doing different things, including diving. It will help you to see if the person is legitimate.

Demand respect. If someone doesn't show you respect online, chances are slim they'll show you respect face to face. Don't meet people you suspect may be abusive, demeaning or disrespectful.

Meet in a public place. Never meet at your home. Meet at a busy restaurant, on a dive boat or some similar place. Give the details of your meeting to a trusted friend or relative.

Drive yourself. Always drive or otherwise provide your own transportation to and from your meeting. If you go from the dive boat to lunch, take your car.

Out of town precautions. Don't reveal the name of your hotel. That's your safe place.

Use a cell phone. Carrying a cell phone is an excellent idea when meeting someone new. You can use it to call a friend if you are uncomfortable.

Use caution. If you are uncomfortable at any time, leave. You can call a friend for help. If you feel threatened, call the police. Never do anything with which you are not comfortable.

There is safety in numbers. Meeting in groups is generally much safer than meeting individuals. If one person starts to get out of hand, the other members of the group will be there to keep you safe.

[Laurafrica]

All good advice - plus a few more: beware of those too interested in your finances. I have had several young men (that should have alerted me at once!) interested in my ability to lend them their rent money/finance a visit to see me/get a visa, etc. Also, ALWAYS let a friend know where you are and who you are with. After a lot of debating I accepted an invitation to meet an online friend - the only one I've ever met in two years - as it involved a holiday to New Zealand, which is somewhere I've always wanted to visit. Before the trip we both agreed this would be a platonic friendship thing, so as not to muddy the waters. I let him know that my family and friends had his full name and address and contact details (they did - to hell with the embarrassment factor!) AND I asked for his parents' names and phone number in the UK and looked them up in the phone book there when I was back there last summer! Neurotic, hmmm, maybe, but he didn't object to any of this, and we travelled for 3 weeks in NZ (his home country), had a wonderful time and I feel I've made a good friend. And I felt safe.

My distance keeps me fairly safe - few people are going to pay a fortune to get out here to cheat me, etc. But I will be a little less free with sigs on my email account - you never know.

[TRINITY]

All good advice - plus a few more: beware of those too interested in your finances. I have had several young men (that should have alerted me at once!) interested in my ability to lend them their rent money/finance a visit to see me/get a visa, etc. Also, ALWAYS let a friend know where you are and who you are with. After a lot of debating I accepted an invitation to meet an online friend - the only one I've ever met in two years - as it involved a holiday to New Zealand, which is somewhere I've always wanted to visit. Before the trip we both agreed this would be a platonic friendship thing, so as not to muddy the waters. I let him know that my family and friends had his full name and address and contact details (they did - to hell with the embarrassment factor!) AND I asked for his parents' names and phone number in the UK and looked them up in the phone book there when I was back there last summer! Neurotic, hmmm, maybe, but he didn't object to any of this, and we travelled for 3 weeks in NZ (his home country), had a wonderful time and I feel I've made a good friend. And I felt safe.

My distance keeps me fairly safe - few people are going to pay a fortune to get out here to cheat me, etc. But I will be a little less free with sigs on my email account - you never know.

Laura, THANK YOU your story made me smile,,,,,,,,, you went about things the right way, congrats to you!