11 replies to this topic

[Landlocked Dive Nut]

A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. Which of the following is your favorite? Do you have any you can add to the list?

1) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2) I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

3) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

4) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

5) If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

6) We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

7) War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

8)Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

9) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

10) Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

11) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

12) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

13) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

14) Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

15) I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

16) A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

17) Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

18) I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

19) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

20) Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

21) Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

22) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

23) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

24) The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

25) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

26) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

27) Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

28) Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

29) I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

30) Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

31) There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

32) I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

33) When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

34) You're never too old to learn something stupid.

35) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

36) A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

37) If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

38) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

[uwfan]

I gotta pick just one?? Nope, can't do it, but I do like 6, 8 and 11!

Thanks for the addendum to 31 PPM, just couldn't wrap my head around that one until I read yours.

[drbill]

Had never heard of paraprosdokians so I just had to look and read... I liked #20. If we adopted it we might actually get a real choice and someone who could lead.

[John57]

A few more (I know, an old thread but one that needs more lines):

- Just when you think you have hit rock bottom someone throws you a shovel
- Nobody trusts the official spokesman... but everybody believes an unidentified source.
- Comedians and politicians each tell the audience what they want to hear. The difference is that the audience laughs at the comedian and the politician laughs at the audience.
- Lord, Help me to give 100% to my work - 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.
- Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
- If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets a consolation prize.
- You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
- Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
- When I was young I used to pray for a bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
- Money talks - the last thing I heard it say was "Good-bye"
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
- Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Good with Ketchup.
- If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!

[peterbj7]

My favourite is #12.

[shadragon]

“Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.” - Henry Ford

[duganalexzander]

I'm alone in a wasteland, a thousand miles from you. But I haven't forgotten the feel of your skin or your mischievous smile... You'd think a thousand miles would be enough... I guess I'll keep walking.

(Borrowed from a webcomic called XKCD)

[WreckWench]

Just what the doctor ordered... thank you all for a great way to start the day!

[WreckWench]

I have two that I made up years ago from a common saying we've all heard...I just added the unexpected ending.


1. Whatever melts your butter...just don't drizzle it on my popcorn!

2. Life's a *b-i-t-c-h* then you marry one, then you die, then some fool gives you cpr and life's a *b-i-t-c-h* again!

[Dave W]

I actually came up with one yesterday while talking with my daughter. We were discussing sleep medications and how different people get different results. I thought of this thread and told her:

"The brain is a funny thing. And yours is the funniest of all of them!"

Thanks for the idea!

[duganalexzander]

I actually came up with one yesterday while talking with my daughter. We were discussing sleep medications and how different people get different results. I thought of this thread and told her:

"The brain is a funny thing. And yours is the funniest of all of them!"

Thanks for the idea!

I like that one.