6 replies to this topic

[WreckWench]

Lately we've had glimpses of just how difficult life is and can be for many of our members. We've had deaths, job losses, financial losses, moves, chronic pain and health issues, marriages, break ups and yes even some good news!

How do people cope? Have your coping mechanisms changed during your life as you've changed? Or are they more influenced by what's currently happening in the world? Or by how others handle the same situations? Are they culturally influenced? Perhaps environmentally meaning you revert to how your parents handled things?

I know that putting my feelings on paper (electronic paper to be technically correct) helps me to sort the details out in my mind and allows me to start the process of closure whether good or bad. I also seem to handle things better when I am around people who handle stress in a healthy positive manner. But when I'm around people who handle stress in a poor manner...there go I.

How do you cope? What insight have you realized after doing so? What would you do differently the next time you are faced with a similar situation?

And do you ever make positive changes to be a better person AFTER the 'event' (no not the tv show)?

Thank you for sharing...if one idea or thought helps someone else in a time of need or struggle then we've done good.

[Landlocked Dive Nut]

So many on this board helped me through the breakup of my marriage, even though I was new to the board at the time. When I posted on SD asking for coping help, it was offered with tact, sympathy and offers to lend an ear.

I personally found that verbalizing my problems helped me put things into perspective & get a grip on my emotions at the same time....whether it was to a friend, a marriage counselor, or just ruminating out loud to myself (at home in the evenings). Actually saying words out loud made them real, so to speak, and kept me from continuing to bottle things up inside. I then found it easier to accept the loss and move on.

Just my 2psi.

[Parrotman]

For myself, every major happening in my life has been a learning event and I have changed from it. I was raised by an abusive father that could not stay put. I went to 12 different elementary schools. I was never in a town long enough to make any lasting friendships. I could have become an introverted shy person that did not like change but I made the most of it. I was determined at an early age not to take on any of the negative aspects of my father. I would say that most of you who know me would not consider me shy

I do turn to my spiritual side during sad events such as a death of someone close to me. I am not particularly religious although I did study religion when I was younger. My views are more on the side that life and death are part of the natural order and although painful, it is part of life. It is possible that I have developed in that direction from losing so many friends and family early on in life that my survival instincts took me in that direction.

At this point in my life I avoid negative people. I avoid drama. I have started reaching out to old friends that I have lost contact with and I am making an extra effort to achieve everything on my bucket list. I strongly believe that we are responsible for our futures and that to miss out on the things in life that we dream about is not only our own fault but it is a sad state of affairs.

I believe that everything that I have done in my life has had purpose whether it has been something that I chose to do such as a job change, a move, a new interest such as scuba diving. Or something that I had no choice in, that being a life event, a death of someone close to me etc.

I don't know that I would use the term "cope" in my life anymore as much as use the expression "life lesson" Live it. Learn from it. Process the emotions and be a better person for the experience.

Jim

[scubajunkie6]

I actually keep post it notes of quotes around my monitor. I type my thoughts in Word and password protect the file so that no one will open it up without my permission. I typically will buy some sort of self-help book but I always get tired of reading about 1/4 of the way there. Very seldom do I read the entire book. I guess I feel that I get the message and can move forward. There is a book called "How to Behave So Your Child Will Too" and just (only) the title really helped me! (It is by Sal Severe, by the way). I recently bought a book about sudden loss of family members, for example.

I also refuse to allow myself to get so wrapped up in other people's problems to where they impact me. That sounds a bit selfish, but what I mean is it is so easy to get caught up in someone else's drama that it can stress you out even more than you already are. So I ask myself if being around this person is helping that person, but also I must ask what I'm getting out of the situation also. It's like flying...you must put on your oxygen mask first to help others. If I have my own issues, there are times when I must work on those and not other people's issues.

I'm trying to workout on a regular basis. The other night I had a stressful homework night with my son and it felt like I was pulling teeth to get him to sit up, focus, and finish the work. So when we stopped at 11pm, I got on the elliptical and exercised for an hour. Other people I know are into music, yoga and/or meditation. (LOL, I started to type out medication!!!)

Lastly, a good warm bath or just watching the stars in our hot tub tends to relax me a bit.

Tomorrow is a new day. Focus on the positive.

-Margaret

[scubajunkie6]

I believe that everything that I have done in my life has had purpose whether it has been something that I chose to do such as a job change, a move, a new interest such as scuba diving. Or something that I had no choice in, that being a life event, a death of someone close to me etc.

Jim, I was also raised with the phrase "things happen for a reason" You may not know what they are, and maybe you never will know, but you do your best to deal with the situation and move forward. This also applies to "good stress" events.

-Margaret

[KellyDiver]

I am sitting here tonight in the home of my best friend whose father was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. Three and 1/2 weeks ago he was playing golf 5 days a week...this afternoon, we took him on a 1/2 mile walk and it was a struggle.

How do you help someone cope is what I am thinking about tonight... I went with listening when she wanted to talk, making her laugh when she needed to, and being there until I could get her to sleep...

Oh yeah, I am pretty sure the vodka helped...

[uwfan]

Kelly,
I'm so glad to hear you stayed with your friend tonight. Talking, laughter, and just being there... all help.


I've been on the receiving end of others helping me cope this year. I've appreciated both conversations helping me sort out my feelings as well as sometimes being able to listen to a friend talk when I just didn't feel like talking. Sometimes I needed conversations that helped me sort and sometimes I just needed a conversation about anything (and everything) but my challenges, to get my mind off it all.


Thanks too to all of you - whether you were online or posting or I was able to post here, when I've felt my worst physically, you've all helped me feel better and to cope.