Christmas Cartoons
Started by
Funewgy
, Dec 17 2004 02:04 PM
13 replies to this topic
#1
Funewgy
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 02:04 PM
Happy Holidays to all!! Since I don't have everyone's address to send you expensive presents, I'll simply try to give you a smile this holiday season. This one worked for me...
"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#2
texasmermaid
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 02:14 PM
You gotta warn us about these things, Doug! Diet Coke spew!
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped!
#3
Funewgy
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 03:31 PM
My apologies. I'll try not to let it happen again.You gotta warn us about these things, Doug! Diet Coke spew!
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"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#4
chinacat46
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 03:38 PM
Hey Doug you must have gotten the same email I did with the cartoons.
#5
texasmermaid
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:18 PM
Doh! When will I learn to swallow before I open one of your posts?!? 
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped!
#6
Funewgy
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:40 PM
Enjoy...
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"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#7
Funewgy
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:45 PM
"Why Is A Christmas Tree Better Than A Man"
1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
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"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#8
Funewgy
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:46 PM
Santa Will Be Delayed
It s Christmas Eve and Santa arrives at this beautiful young woman s apartment. She takes one look at Santa and decides that she needs to make love to Santa.
She say s “Oh Santa, won't you stay the night? Santa replies, "HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know."
The young woman tries to tempt Santa again by letting down her long silky hair and begs, “Oh Santa, now won't you stay? Santa again replies, "HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know."
The young woman tries one last time. This time she opens her house robe and reveals her beautiful body. She then asks, “Oh Santa, won't you please stay. Santa, now becoming aroused, replies, "Hey, Hey, Hey, Gotta Stay! Gotta Stay! Won't fit up the chimney THIS way!"
It s Christmas Eve and Santa arrives at this beautiful young woman s apartment. She takes one look at Santa and decides that she needs to make love to Santa.
She say s “Oh Santa, won't you stay the night? Santa replies, "HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know."
The young woman tries to tempt Santa again by letting down her long silky hair and begs, “Oh Santa, now won't you stay? Santa again replies, "HO, HO, HO, Gotta go! Gotta Go! Gotta deliver those toys, you know."
The young woman tries one last time. This time she opens her house robe and reveals her beautiful body. She then asks, “Oh Santa, won't you please stay. Santa, now becoming aroused, replies, "Hey, Hey, Hey, Gotta Stay! Gotta Stay! Won't fit up the chimney THIS way!"
"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#9
jextract
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:49 PM
May your chestnuts be roasted this holiday season!
"Because I accept the definition, does not mean I accept the defined." -- ScubaHawk
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
#10
Funewgy
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:50 PM
Ouch, what did I say to offend you Jex?May your chestnuts be roasted this holiday season!
"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#11
jextract
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Posted 17 December 2004 - 05:11 PM
I meant it in a good way!
"Because I accept the definition, does not mean I accept the defined." -- ScubaHawk
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
"Love is blind but lust likes lacy panties" -- SanDiegoCarol
"If you're gonna be dumb, you'd better be tough." -- Phillip Manor
"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly." -- Donald Rumsfeld
#12
Funewgy
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Posted 18 December 2004 - 07:52 AM
Whew!! That's a relief. Nothing worse than having your nuts burned at the stake. I hate it when that happens. Thanks for the clarification.I meant it in a good way!
"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call" -- J. Buffett
#13
nextariel
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Posted 19 December 2004 - 05:23 PM
deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send
you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! \ Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me
get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family
with those?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the @!&%s and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I
give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging @!&% may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send
you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! \ Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me
get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family
with those?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the @!&%s and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I
give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging @!&% may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can. --Elsa Maxwell, September 28, 1958
#14
vettenorlando
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Posted 20 December 2004 - 08:27 PM
All I have to say is....... WOW!!!!! 
I bet Herman the Chanukkah candle doesn't say those kinds of things... You guys do know who Herman the Chanukkah candle is right?
I bet Herman the Chanukkah candle doesn't say those kinds of things... You guys do know who Herman the Chanukkah candle is right?
Edited by vettenorlando, 20 December 2004 - 09:11 PM.
Roatan!!!! Roatan!!!! Roatan!!!! I'm going to ROATAN!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!
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