25 replies to this topic

[Bubble2Bubble]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


Mike

[Marvel]

So true, so true!!!

[Walter]

So true, so true!!!

Parts are. Other parts aren't.

An example, when I married, my wife wanted me to change a few things. I resisted, but eventually gave in and changed. Then there was something else she wanted me to change. Less resistance this time, I changed. This was a continual process throughout our marriage. As time passed, I changed with no resistance at all. At the end, she had one complaint, "You're not the man I married."

[Marvel]

So true, so true!!!

Parts are. Other parts aren't.

An example, when I married, my wife wanted me to change a few things. I resisted, but eventually gave in and changed. Then there was something else she wanted me to change. Less resistance this time, I changed. This was a continual process throughout our marriage. As time passed, I changed with no resistance at all. At the end, she had one complaint, "You're not the man I married."

!!!!

[Walter]

Laugh all you want, but it's true.

[jextract]

I don't doubt that for a second. There's a whole other tread-waiting-to-happen: what does it take to make and keep a woman happy?

Well, without that whole selling your soul to the Devil thing.

[Walter]

that whole selling your soul to the Devil thing.

Did you see Mark Russel's special last night? Don't forget to get a receipt for tax purposes.

[jextract]

No, I missed it - was out with a friend of mine and didn't get home until late. Synopsis?

[Walter]

Typical political humor, especially with the election coming up.

The line about getting a receipt for tax purposes if you sell your soul to the devil stuck with me.

He did ask if eternal damnation in hell was just for those who sing Christian rock. Then added, "I like to think so...."

Funny as always, I love his songs.

[Laura]

I don't doubt that for a second. There's a whole other tread-waiting-to-happen: what does it take to make and keep a woman happy?

Well, without that whole selling your soul to the Devil thing.

it's very simple, if you remember these two rules

1) Everything the woman says or does is correct
2) When in doubt, refer to rule #1



Laura

[Walter]

Well, that explains why Laura's still single.

[jextract]

it's very simple, if you remember these two rules

1) Everything the woman says or does is correct
2) When in doubt, refer to rule #1



Laura

I think it'd be easier just to sell my soul.

[Walter]

I think it'd be easier just to sell my soul.

There's a difference?

[Marvel]

I think it'd be easier just to sell my soul.

There's a difference?

Ooohhh, Gentlemen!! Me thinks I detect a little bitterness here....When were your divorces finalized????

He did ask if eternal damnation in hell was just for those who sing Christian rock. Then added, "I like to think so...."

Hey Walter! does this mean I'm going to hell????

[Walter]

Hey Walter! does this mean I'm going to hell????

Not in my opinion. Ask Mark Russell.

Me thinks I detect a little bitterness here....

No bitterness on my part. My ex is a wonderful woman. I just think statements like:

1) Everything the woman says or does is correct

totally undermine the concept of a loving relationship. Now, I realize it was in jest, so I don't take it at face value. OTOH, some people believe it.

When were your divorces finalized????

About 5 ½ years ago for me.