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Some advice I got from a friend of mine

Started by Basslet , Jun 21 2005 09:50 AM

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11 replies to this topic

#1 Basslet

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 09:50 AM

I was lamenting the fact that I initiate most of the email & phone conversations with this guy I met online. Anyway, this is her response, which I thought was quite prescient:

you have been around long enough to know that in 90% of male-female conversations - the female starts them! The only time a guy will start one is if he thinks it will lead to getting laid. And since this guy is in a galaxy far far away, he aint gonna initiate anything, LOL!


All I can say is :lmao:

#2 blacklatexozdiver

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:02 AM

I was lamenting the fact that I initiate most of the email & phone conversations with this guy I met online. Anyway, this is her response, which I thought was quite prescient:

His or her???

Frankly getting laid is the last of my concerns. It's been so long... but I digress. I try to start conversations but it seems to no avail. Either the ladies are repulsed by me, humour me or (if I'm lucky) they end up thinking I am "just a good friend". As a result I have sort of given up looking for much in terms of a relationship. My motto (sort of) is "If anything will happen, it'll happen...." Very Zen huh?
"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." Albert Einstein

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#3 TheSassyRabbit

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:15 AM

The trick is balance. If you start too many of the conversations, you're a pest. If you don't start enough, you're not interested..... :lmao:

BLD: I think you're being too hard on yourself... but I like your motto. My twist is "if it's meant to be it will be - you can't push or pull it - and sometimes timing is everything".

#4 blacklatexozdiver

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:17 AM

BLD: I think you're being too hard on yourself... but I like your motto. My twist is "if it's meant to be it will be - you can't push or pull it - and sometimes timing is everything".

Nah... not too hard... as a science teacher I can say that I have empirical data and my hypothesis (that I can't figure out women) has been proven correct. :lmao:

I like your twist! :cool1:
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#5 Diverbrian

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:29 AM

Sassy Rabbit said it and BLD hinted at it.

It isn't about getting laid. I have given up on that pursuit, LOL!

It is about being a pest. If the woman initiates conversation, I know that she wants a response. If I initiate conversation, I quickly become someone that is trying too hard. Normally, I am real good about answering e-mails, phone calls, etc. from a woman that I am trying to date in VERY short order once I receive them. I can think of one or two exceptions, but I will keep that to myself.
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#6 Latitude Adjustment

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:36 AM

And if he flew across the galaxy to meet you that would be considered cute and romantic in the movies but in real life it's called stalking, we walk a fine line!
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#7 blacklatexozdiver

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:37 AM

And if he flew across the galaxy to meet you that would be considered cute and romantic in the movies but in real life it's called stalking, we walk a fine line!

and it ain't fine if you cross it!
"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." Albert Einstein

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#8 ScubaHawk

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:43 AM

I was lamenting the fact that I initiate most of the email & phone conversations with this guy I met online. Anyway, this is her response, which I thought was quite prescient:

The gender generalization aside. Was it a guy or girl you were chatting with on line. I'm trying to figure out if it was one of our team giving up secrets or a clever spy.
Take an SD trip - See old friends you have never met before!
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#9 Walter

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 10:45 AM

You're doing it wrong, Brian. Moderation. Be funny! Be funny! Be confident. Don't be arrogant. If you follow those simple rules, you won't be a pest.
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#10 Diverbrian

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 11:04 AM

Reason #2 for not initiating phone calls (and this is an apology to friends that I do this to)...

When someone works an off-shift straight, their "available time" and your "work time" may not coincide well. For example...

I work second shift straight. Often (at least this year), I am working two weekends in a row on this schedule which adds up to 12, 19, or even 26 days when I am really not available to call anybody before I get a couple of days off. When I am working, my "available time" is the morning. Most people are working then or getting ready for work. Most people would not be happy with me calling after 11:00 pm although when I was actively dating, I would do this once in a while by appointment with the lady that I was seeing.

The fact of the matter is that I am not really on the market at the this time and I am cool with that. I have to get some things squared away with me first. In the meantime, I have my job and my diving. That is more than enough to allow me to keep busy and make myself more ready to meet that special someone.
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#11 AliKat

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 11:20 AM

And if he flew across the galaxy to meet you that would be considered cute and romantic in the movies but in real life it's called stalking, we walk a fine line!

Not always :cool1:

And, hey, Brian...e-mail. That usually works 24/7
"

#12 Basslet

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Posted 21 June 2005 - 11:23 AM

OK. My friend who gave me the advice, that men don't initiate unless they want to get laid, was a woman. She was talking about the guy I met online, who does live in another state. So actually, they're both online friends, but only one would I consider a "friend," KWIM?

There's no shift work involved, but he does sound a lot like Brian. :cool1:
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