67 replies to this topic

[Boatlawyer]

It seems almost invariably that singles discussions center around what said singles will or won't accept from someone else, or the qualities they are looking for in a companion.

It would be interesting to know what the members of this group feel they bring to a relationship.

[PerroneFord]

What?

We are all beautiful and perfect. Isn't that enough?

[Basslet]

I can make a really good blueberry pie. If it's winter, I supply the paper goods.

Edited by Fairybasslet, 25 July 2006 - 08:34 AM.

[drbill]

What a person brings to the table (other than a hearty appetite) is dependent on what the other individual is looking for. Relationships are a field concept. For some women I bring nothing to the table, for others a great deal.

[Boatlawyer]

That's an interesing statement, Doc. At first blush, it seems like you're casting a pretty wide net, with the relationship dependent concept. On the other hand, I wonder if it signals a more passive approach to meeting someone.

I threw out the question for a couple of reasons, one obviously being sizing up the competition (and I gotta tell you I'm a little concerned about the blueberry pie and paper goods), but more important to the group, is that I think it helps the search for a companion, to define who you are and what you offer.

It's a big old world out there, and to some minds, the rifle shot is a lot more rewarding than the shotgun approach to finding someone (not THAT kind of shotgun).

A life coach I once had suggested that I "send out a message to the universe" about who I wanted. Sounds lame, but she had a point, unless you are content to view relationships like Justice Stewarts opinion about pornography "I know it when I see it." It seems to make sense to define what we seek in others and to then see if we offer the things that person would want. If not, then make the changes to attract that type of person, or change your desires to fit what you bring to the table.

[Blackhawk]

A life coach I once had suggested that I "send out a message to the universe" about who I wanted. Sounds lame, but she had a point, unless you are content to view relationships like Justice Stewarts opinion about pornography "I know it when I see it." It seems to make sense to define what we seek in others and to then see if we offer the things that person would want. If not, then make the changes to attract that type of person, or change your desires to fit what you bring to the table.

Wouldn't that be restrictive? Sounds like you'd putting a person in a box.. if they don't fit you throw them out. Which could eliminate quiet a few good relationships...

What do I bring to the table... well I'm me isn't that enough? ... (Seriously)

Edited by Blackhawk, 25 July 2006 - 09:11 AM.

[Boatlawyer]

Wouldn't that be restrictive? Sounds like you'd putting a person in a box.. if they don't fit you throw them out. Which could eliminate quiet a few good relationships...

What do I bring to the table... well I'm me isn't that enough? ... (Seriously)

Well, maybe a little restrictive, but I always put plenty of lettuce inside and airholes at the top of the box.

"Throw them out" sounds so harsh... I prefer, "Check Please."

[mantarraya]

To me, it is not so much an issue as what I bring to the table versus what the romantic interest brings to the table as it is that we can sit at the same table together, and feel so comfortable with each other that we feel no need to hold things back or hide things about ourselves from each other. This leaves plenty of room for the relationship to grow as each person exchanges more info, life history, experiences with the other person, so that the bond deepens naturally through time.

[drbill]

That's an interesing statement, Doc. At first blush, it seems like you're casting a pretty wide net, with the relationship dependent concept. On the other hand, I wonder if it signals a more passive approach to meeting someone.

Hmmm... maybe you have hit on something here. I've been using gill nets, hoping to catch a mermaid. Maybe I should start using butterfly nets to catch air breathers.

What I was referring to had nothing to do with being passive (moi? hardly!). It had to do with looking at me from the other person's perspective... what I bring to the table is therefore dependent on what THEY see rather than who I am. Some women will appreciate my outgoing personality, others my knowledge of marine biology, or my communication skills, or my commitment to marine education and conservation. What others see in me is only partially dependent on what I project... it also depends on what THEY see, what interests them.

[Basslet]

If you're scared of the blueberry pie and papergoods, WAIT! I forgot. In the winter, I make a mean pot roast.
I know exactly where Dr. Bill is coming from. In other words, if some woman is looking for a meal ticket, then Dr. Bill's table is bare.

Edited by Fairybasslet, 28 July 2006 - 09:59 AM.

[drbill]

I know exactly where Dr. Bill is coming from. In other words, if some woman is looking for a meal ticket, then Dr. Bill's table is bare.

I'd be the worst meal ticket a girl could find... not only because I'm an impoverished dive bum, but also because she'd get VERY tired of eating my Thai green curry every dinner (it's the only meal I can really cook... but most of my dive buddies now cook it for their SO's).

Blueberry pie... wish we saw more blueberries on this coast, Ellen. All I see are boysenberries and they are nowhere near as tasty!

[Basslet]

Blueberry pie... wish we saw more blueberries on this coast, Ellen. All I see are boysenberries and they are nowhere near as tasty!

It's blueberry season in NJ. When my husband was alive, I used to have to bake 2 pies. One just for him and one for every one else. Same with the pot roast. He needed one all for him.
I bake a mean strawberry/rhubarb pie too.

[jextract]

You can be guaranteed that at least I'll bring a fantastic wine list!

[piscesgirl]

We all have ideas and preferences about what we look for in another person, and often have very strong opinions about what we will/will not accept. Maybe take a look in the mirror and see if what you won't accept in another is something you are guilty of yourself . Also, of the things that person MUST have, can you claim to be able to bring those same qualities to the table yourself. A bit of navel-gazing I guess.

[6Gill]

cutlery