67 replies to this topic

[annasea]

cutlery

. . .

[Twinklez]

That's an interesing statement, Doc. At first blush, it seems like you're casting a pretty wide net, with the relationship dependent concept. On the other hand, I wonder if it signals a more passive approach to meeting someone.

I threw out the question for a couple of reasons, one obviously being sizing up the competition (and I gotta tell you I'm a little concerned about the blueberry pie and paper goods), but more important to the group, is that I think it helps the search for a companion, to define who you are and what you offer.

It's a big old world out there, and to some minds, the rifle shot is a lot more rewarding than the shotgun approach to finding someone (not THAT kind of shotgun).

A life coach I once had suggested that I "send out a message to the universe" about who I wanted. Sounds lame, but she had a point, unless you are content to view relationships like Justice Stewarts opinion about pornography "I know it when I see it." It seems to make sense to define what we seek in others and to then see if we offer the things that person would want. If not, then make the changes to attract that type of person, or change your desires to fit what you bring to the table.

Competition? Last I knew this wasn't a dating site and the people here were divers and friends and not competitors. No need to size anybody up less you intend on borrowing their wetsuit.

Sending out a message to the universe is a great idea; but I think Blackhawk said it best when he said "I'm me, isn't that enough?" It's not necessary to broadcast who you are, what you have to offer or what you're looking for. In fact doing so is likely to scare the dickens out of many of the potentials. Just be who you are...true to yourself and your convictions. Others will then see you for who you are and not what you "say" you are. If I have to point out all the wonderful little things about me to someone, he's probably not the person for me.

I'm guilty of changing myself to fit the wants and needs of my romantic interest. Again, the statement I keep repeating, "For over 20 years I've been someone else for someone else and now it's time to be me for me. To be honest, I think I really like who I am."

Years of experience have shown me what I don't want, and while there are some things I believe would be nice I really haven't been able to pin point anything specific that I must have. So for me..."I'll know it when I see it." I think many of us are that way. We've made bad choices, many of them repeatedly, making it easier to pin point what we don't want.

Meanwhile, I'm very happy meeting new people and making friends; because one of my criteria is that the next man I fall in love with be my best friend first. If I never fall in love again, I will have met and made lasting friendships many wonderful people and my life will be richer for it.

[Brinybay]

Oh geez, my table serves as a catch-all. Looking over at it, I see my keys, Tide Log Puget Sound Edition, unread mail, my cell phone, Adobo seasoning from dinner, comb, reading glasses, medicine, 3 pens, unused sewing kit, union contract, push pins, transparent tape (I wondered where that was!), some dive photos from a month ago that turned out crap that I've been meaning to toss, a PVC end cap, box cutter, change, various coupons that I save thinking I'll use them but never do, and a touch lamp in the middle of it all.

[ScubaDadMiami]

I bring: baggage and issues. Any takers?

[hnladue]

You can be guaranteed that at least I'll bring a fantastic wine list!

I think you mean 'whine' list!!




I've got the cheese to go with it.

Edited by hnladue, 26 July 2006 - 07:16 AM.

[Boatlawyer]

Competition? Last I knew this wasn't a dating site and the people here were divers and friends and not competitors. No need to size anybody up less you intend on borrowing their wetsuit.

Sending out a message to the universe is a great idea; but I think Blackhawk said it best when he said "I'm me, isn't that enough?" It's not necessary to broadcast who you are, what you have to offer or what you're looking for. In fact doing so is likely to scare the dickens out of many of the potentials. Just be who you are...true to yourself and your convictions. Others will then see you for who you are and not what you "say" you are. If I have to point out all the wonderful little things about me to someone, he's probably not the person for me.

I'm guilty of changing myself to fit the wants and needs of my romantic interest. Again, the statement I keep repeating, "For over 20 years I've been someone else for someone else and now it's time to be me for me. To be honest, I think I really like who I am."

Twink, the competition comment was a joke, which I usually signify by placing an icon after. It would have to be a pretty lame-brained "competitor" to come right out and say it! The comment about boxing someone in, but leaving plenty of airholes and lettuce, was also a joke.

And as for this not being a "dating" site, that's true, but it is a "singles" site, and this particular forum is for issues relating to being single. I posted the thread after reading through others dealing with what men want, what women want, how each other thinks, where to find them and so forth. Consequently, the question of what one offers seemed relevant.

Clearly it's not "necessary" to broadcast what one offers, and of course "being who you are" is enough. The question, however, was not about being something other than what you are, it was about defining who you are; an entirely optional exercise, but one that seems a little more productive than trying to come up with a one-size-fits-all decoding and locating strategy for the opposite gender.

You said it yourself, that you are "guilty" (though I'm pretty sure it's no crime(joke alert)) of changing yourself to fit someone else's needs. At the risk of "scaring off" potentials, I'd rather do that than waste a lot of time with bad fits. But, that's just me.

[dad+2(.5)]

Kids....I'm doomed!

[jextract]

You can be guaranteed that at least I'll bring a fantastic wine list!

I think you mean 'whine' list!!

I've got the cheese to go with it.

OUCH!

[piscesgirl]

I bring: baggage and issues. Any takers?

I'll match your baggage and raise you some issues.

[Basslet]

I bring: baggage and issues. Any takers?

I'll match your baggage and raise you some issues.

I'll see your issues and raise you some bad experiences.

Edited by Fairybasslet, 26 July 2006 - 01:13 PM.

[jextract]

I bring: baggage and issues. Any takers?

I'll match your baggage and raise you some issues.

I'll see your issues and raise you some bad experiences.

I'll cover that and raise you one psycho-stalker.

How ya like me NOW!?!?

[Basslet]

I bring: baggage and issues. Any takers?

I'll match your baggage and raise you some issues.

I'll see your issues and raise you some bad experiences.

I'll cover that and raise you one psycho-stalker.

How ya like me NOW!?!?

Tell me if you are the psycho-stalker or stalkee, and then I'll answer.

[sandiegocarol]

Hmmm... maybe you have hit on something here. I've been using gill nets, hoping to catch a mermaid. Maybe I should start using butterfly nets to catch air breathers.

What I was referring to had nothing to do with being passive (moi? hardly!). It had to do with looking at me from the other person's perspective... what I bring to the table is therefore dependent on what THEY see rather than who I am. Some women will appreciate my outgoing personality, others my knowledge of marine biology, or my communication skills, or my commitment to marine education and conservation. What others see in me is only partially dependent on what I project... it also depends on what THEY see, what interests them.

I read the board a lot, Bill and many of the comments that I have read from you indicate that you are batchelor-oriented and not interested in having a serious relationship. Perhaps when you meet a woman you let them see only what you want them to see. Therefore if they do not see who you are it may be because you don't want them to know you that well. What do you think?

[jextract]

Tell me if you are the psycho-stalker or stalkee, and then I'll answer.

Only my therapist knows for sure! Oooooh ... time for my meds.....

[drbill]

What I was referring to had nothing to do with being passive (moi? hardly!). It had to do with looking at me from the other person's perspective... what I bring to the table is therefore dependent on what THEY see rather than who I am. Some women will appreciate my outgoing personality, others my knowledge of marine biology, or my communication skills, or my commitment to marine education and conservation. What others see in me is only partially dependent on what I project... it also depends on what THEY see, what interests them.

I read the board a lot, Bill and many of the comments that I have read from you indicate that you are batchelor-oriented and not interested in having a serious relationship. Perhaps when you meet a woman you let them see only what you want them to see. Therefore if they do not see who you are it may be because you don't want them to know you that well. What do you think?

???? I'm lost here. Don't see how your interpretation comes from what I said above (or in previous posts).

I'm quite interested in a serious relationship, but not one that requires too many "compromises" especially if they relate to my diving and focus on building my business. This is why I have repeatedly stated I want a partner... someone with similar interests, "seriousness" (about diving and the business, not life itself), etc.

Although only a few SD members have actually met me (vs the hundreds of SB members who have), I think they would agree that I'm pretty much who I say I am. I'm easy to read. Certainly I try not to belch and fart when I meet someone, but then I don't normally do either anyway.

I think any woman who meets me and spends adequate time with me will know "exactly" who I am. While I may be complex, I don't employ facades that I'm aware of.

Edited by drbill, 26 July 2006 - 05:20 PM.