53 replies to this topic

[scubagirl]

Okay say you have been dating a man for about six weeks, and he drops the "L" word? You are not sure if you feel the same. So I ask you, when do you really know it is love and not just lust?

[cmt489]

Well, uncertainty is certainly a big clue. You will know when you actually love someone because the words will just fall out of your mouth and you will not be able to stop yourself. It is always awkward when one person falls faster than the other but whatever you do, do not feel obligated to say "I love you" back simply because he has told you that he is in love with you. If and when you are ready, it will feel right. While three little words, they are not words that you can take back if you discover that it wasn't true.

[Walter]

Okay say you have been dating a man for about six weeks, and he drops the "L" word? You are not sure if you feel the same. So I ask you, when do you really know it is love and not just lust?

I thought lust was the L word.

Six weeks is just too early to tell. Infatuation and love feel very much alike. The difference is infatuation is short lived. If the feeling is still there after more than 6 months, it's love.

[scubagirl]

Okay say you have been dating a man for about six weeks, and he drops the "L" word? You are not sure if you feel the same. So I ask you, when do you really know it is love and not just lust?

I thought lust was the L word.

Six weeks is just too early to tell. Infatuation and love feel very much alike. The difference is infatuation is short lived. If the feeling is still there after more than 6 months, it's love.

I agree with you. I think after six months its love. But then again, you hear of "love at first sight."

[Walter]

Love at first sight is real (I've experienced it), but you don't know if it's love or infatuation right away.

[drbill]

Based on my definition of love, it ain't... it's lust.

Love to me takes time to evolve out of not just attraction (mutual preferably) but out of trust and shared experience. I don't drop that "L" word easily... on the other hand, Walter's "L" word is a frequent thought!

[annasea]

<snip>

Love to me takes time to evolve out of not just attraction (mutual preferably) but out of trust and shared experience. <snip>

Excellent definition, Bill!

[mantarraya]

You will know when you actually love someone because the words will just fall out of your mouth and you will not be able to stop yourself.

That pretty much sums it up to me. I think it is certainly possible that someone can feel that way about another person in 6 weeks time, so it may be love. Nonetheless, I would try to go for the 6 month love vs infatuation benchmark.

[jextract]

Nonetheless, let us not discount the value of a deep, meaningful overnight relationship! Sometimes all you need is someone you could fall hopelessly, deeply in bed with.

[drbill]

Nonetheless, let us not discount the value of a deep, meaningful overnight relationship! Sometimes all you need is someone you could fall hopelessly, deeply in bed with.

I'd settle for that (although, of course, not with you, Jamie!).

[annasea]

Love at first sight is real (I've experienced it), but you don't know if it's love or infatuation right away.

Interesting. How can you actually know you LOVE someone you've only just seen/met? In hindsight, assuming you enter into a successful relationship with said person, it may have *seemed* like love at first, but in reality, lust -- not even infatuation -- comes to mind.

[Penguin]

Okay say you have been dating a man for about six weeks, and he drops the "L" word? You are not sure if you feel the same. So I ask you, when do you really know it is love and not just lust?

Great topic. Interestingly enough, I think that everyone has their own interpretation of what love is or is not. And, really, as intangible as it may be, who knows if anyone has the answer. So with that being said, here is my interpretation:

Lust or infatuation is the feeling of new attraction and, although not limited to any defined period of time, is the excitedness we have in the early stages of a relationship. Love, on the other hand evolves over time as we get to know someone beyond their outward projections. As opposed to infatuation, it is a deeper feeling that I believe is a foundation of respect and acceptance of the shortcomings your mate possesses--and we ALL have a shortcoming or two with which any mate must learn to love!!

So, is it love? Could be, but too soon to tell.

[jeff]

If he loves you, he will be patient. He will treat you with respect and trust. If its love, no one has to be right and the other one wrong. Love never gives up and endures through every circumstance. It is not something you feel in your head or___. Love comes from within. To love someone is to give of yourself and not expect anything in return.

[Walter]

Love at first sight is real (I've experienced it), but you don't know if it's love or infatuation right away.

Interesting. How can you actually know you LOVE someone you've only just seen/met? In hindsight, assuming you enter into a successful relationship with said person, it may have *seemed* like love at first, but in reality, lust -- not even infatuation -- comes to mind.

Because the feeling hasn't changed after 6 months or 6 years. Lust is a vastly different feeling from either love or infatuation. If it's just lust, all you want is sex.