53 replies to this topic

[drbill]

Friends of mine got married some 30 years ago. I remember the groom telling me that they were "willing" themselves to love one another. By that, I believe he meant that they had mutually decided that they would evolve together into a state of love through their marriage. I think it is equivalent to deciding that they would simply commit to one another based on their faith that their love would grow out of their shared experience and faith in one another. I know I'm not explaining this very well, but it struck me at the time.

They are still happily married to one another. Most of my other friends who married because they were "in love" are not. Go figure.

[scubagirl]

Nice story Bill. I would tell the person to just take it day by day and see what comes out of the relationship and to relax and enjoy it. We women tend to analyze WAY TOO MUCH!

[annasea]

Love at first sight is real (I've experienced it), but you don't know if it's love or infatuation right away.

Interesting. How can you actually know you LOVE someone you've only just seen/met? In hindsight, assuming you enter into a successful relationship with said person, it may have *seemed* like love at first, but in reality, lust -- not even infatuation -- comes to mind.

Because the feeling hasn't changed after 6 months or 6 years. Lust is a vastly different feeling from either love or infatuation. If it's just lust, all you want is sex.

The "feeling" may not have changed, but the reasons behind it have. My point is, you (being the general you; not you specifically, Walter) do not know the person, so how can you possibly claim to love them based on merely looking at them? You love how they look and what they represent to, but you do not love the person they actually are inside.

Vaguely related story...

I remember years ago seeing Van Morrison in concert. Someone from the audience shouted out to him, "We love you, Van!" He cynically/wisely replied, "How can you love me? You don't even know me."

[drbill]

Six weeks is just too early to tell. Infatuation and love feel very much alike. The difference is infatuation is short lived. If the feeling is still there after more than 6 months, it's love.

Walter, this seems to contradict your post about love at first sight.

[Walter]

The "feeling" may not have changed, but the reasons behind it have. My point is, you (being the general you; not you specifically, Walter) do not know the person, so how can you possibly claim to love them based on merely looking at them? You love how they look and what they represent to, but you do not love the person they actually are inside.

It's possible that in the cases of "love at first sight," what starts as infatuation over time becomes love. I don't know and frankly, I don't believe it matters.

Walter, this seems to contradict your post about love at first sight.

In what way do they seem to contradict?

[drbill]

Walter, this seems to contradict your post about love at first sight.

In what way do they seem to contradict?

You say love has to develop over time and then say there can be love at first sight. I think what really happens in such cases is there is attraction at first sight, and over time we find that it grows into love... but it starts as attraction, not as love.

[annasea]

Walter, this seems to contradict your post about love at first sight.

In what way do they seem to contradict?

You say love has to develop over time and then say there can be love at first sight. I think what really happens in such cases is there is attraction at first sight, and over time we find that it grows into love... but it starts as attraction, not as love.

Precisely the point that I was making as well.

[Walter]

You say love has to develop over time

I did? Where did I say that?

[drbill]

You say love has to develop over time

I did? Where did I say that?

Here is where I got that inference:

Six weeks is just too early to tell. Infatuation and love feel very much alike. The difference is infatuation is short lived. If the feeling is still there after more than 6 months, it's love.

[jextract]

We women tend to analyze WAY TOO MUCH!

WORD!

[Walter]

You say love has to develop over time

I did? Where did I say that?

Here is where I got that inference:

Six weeks is just too early to tell. Infatuation and love feel very much alike. The difference is infatuation is short lived. If the feeling is still there after more than 6 months, it's love.

You are seeing things that aren't there. I never said love has to develop over time. I said it takes time to tell if it is love. I believe it is possible (although rare) to be in love from the beginning. The problem is in the beginning you can't tell if it's love or infatuation.

[drbill]

You are seeing things that aren't there. I never said love has to develop over time. I said it takes time to tell if it is love. I believe it is possible (although rare) to be in love from the beginning. The problem is in the beginning you can't tell if it's love or infatuation.

OK, I understand your point now... but still think you're wrong re: love at first sight by any definition of "love" that would make sense to me.

[annasea]

You are seeing things that aren't there. I never said love has to develop over time. I said it takes time to tell if it is love. I believe it is possible (although rare) to be in love from the beginning. The problem is in the beginning you can't tell if it's love or infatuation.

Another hair to split... *love* versus being *in love*...

[pocahontas]

You are seeing things that aren't there. I never said love has to develop over time. I said it takes time to tell if it is love. I believe it is possible (although rare) to be in love from the beginning. The problem is in the beginning you can't tell if it's love or infatuation.

Another hair to split... *love* versus being *in love*...

In Love = Lust as far as I'm concerned.

[drbill]

Love is a deep, almost transcendent connection with a person built over extended periods of time. "In love" is something a woman or a man will say to have sex? Lust is using the proper word for "in love?"

What the heck do I know... I've been single way too long. However, tonight was "interesting." A woman I know only casually came over to me and said she was divorcing her husband. She gave me her phone number and said we should get together for a movie night (she likes foreign films as I do). Never would have imagined this happening so I'm not sure how to feel about it. I thought she and her husband had a great relationship from what I could see. I never ever imagined her as a possible date since they were married.

Oh, wait... she's NOT a diver. Never mind! What was I thinking?

Edited by drbill, 21 January 2007 - 02:24 AM.