20 replies to this topic

[ScubaSis]

I just made a trip to the gorcery store.

When I went to my vehicle to load my groceries a lady approached me and asked if I could help her with "Oil and some food". I assume she meant oil for her vehicle as she went to one when we parted. She was an older lady or at least looked older. I thought about it for a minute and told her "No I couldn't". It made me think of the blessings I have and how much I could help someone in need. I was also afraid that it was some sort of scam. Here I was, a lady, out alone. I figured I could be the perfect target. I have also had to deal with my looks all my life. The person people always see as innocent and naive.

I can not get this lady off my mind though. I tried to call the store when I reached home to inform them of this lady in their parking lot. First I got a wrong number. Then I got a fax machine. Then I dropped the phone and it slid across my living room. I can't help but wonder if I was supposed to help this lady. I have been praying for her and will continue to do so.

I have had this happen before, at different times in my life. One time it was a husband and wife, another time or two it was a man by himself. I always figure if they really needed help they could go to the police or get help with food stamps and things like that. Go through proper channels for help. I don't believe people really HAVE to live on the streets asking for handouts. It seems to happen more around the Christmas Season.

Has this ever happened to you?? What is your take on the subject??

[Racer184]

I don't know what the situation is in Texas.... but here in Florida, when I get questions like this, I offer to drive them to the unemployment office or the county assistance office to help them get back on their feet. The answer is always, "no thanks I want cash". If I ever get a "that's a great idea" or "thanks", I will drive them there.

[uwfan]

I have a lot of thoughts about this kind of issue, bear with me. I certainly don't want to sound preachy, forgive me if I do, but this is a tender issue with me.

I have spent extended periods of time in Thailand and in China. More so in China, but to a lesser extent in Thailand, as a foreigner who might be considered as having more than the locals, I was approached often. I recall walking home one of my first nights in China with my friend's husband guiding me so that I neither got lost from their apartment to mine nor stepped into a man-hole that might have had the cover taken away (apparently a prevelant problem.) We were approached by a woman who was incredibly pursistant, asking for money. He told me she was telling lies and that there are many people who make it their job there to "scam" people. Apparently the government does try to crack down on this there, sometimes more than others. It still was somewhat upsetting because I am the kind of person who wants to help others.

My friend, his wife, gave me a different perspective and that helped. She told me that she would give to certain people ... the quiet ones. This is what she meant...you would walk down the street, see someone sitting quietly on the ground off to the side of the traffic pattern with a bowl next to them... whatever change you had, less than 1 Chinese yuan (their unit for dollar) you might slip into their bowl... or put no more than 1 yuan. It would provide for them, and you wouldn't attract those who were not truly in need. Any more than that amount...sadly... look out. When you walked along, though, and could see that many of these people were either too sick to take care of themselves or too deformed to function, your heart takes a beating - you see the need to help and you do it.

That being said, there are a lot of people that mimic the pushy ones I've seen overseas. I think that each encounter, I have to judge individually. I didn't know the language well enough overseas to really get the full picture, so I made due with the information from friends and their advice about how to handle it. Here... the lines are a bit more awkward and blurred. You ask me for money, I question why...you ask me for food, I may help a bit more, if I am able at that moment in time.

I don't presume to know the reasons anyone asks for help, and cannot pay for what they might need. I know at least one instance that hits close to home where someone may be homeless, but has family that, were the person to ask, family would help. Even so, that person may not feel able to return and ask for such assistance. I know that there are shelters, food banks and other programs available to that person, and I hope if they need the assistance they seek it out.

So for my part, here at home in the US, I support a local center that provides food and clothing for those in need (and assistance with rent and utilities). As part of my job, I sometimes forgive money owed for books lost, or provide the extra that a child needs if we have a bookfair and they are short on cash. It still doesn't always "settle" me when an individual asks for something and I'm not quite sure what my gut is telling me...but as you say, I pray about it...and I reevaluate it when next I am able to do something. It allows me to feel a peace about being a good steward of what I have been blessed with in this life.

[Landlocked Dive Nut]

Don't let it weigh on you, ScubaSis. I've been approached in parking lots, too, and I almost never carry cash with me so I tend to take a similar approach to Racer184. I'll offer to buy them a meal or a quart of oil, but never give cash. You know what? They all say they want the cash, so I suspect the majority are just panhandling, but with a long drawn-out story instead of "got any spare change?". Those truly in need will accept any help offered, and they also understand that not everyone can help.

[Hipshot]

If they wanted cash, there's a good chance that it was for drugs or alcohol. Many years ago, I dated a woman in Brooklyn, NY, and so I took the NYC subways regularly to get to her. Consequently, I met a lot of panhandlers. What the woman whom I was seeing told me is that if the pitch is by more than one person, and they have cans that have lables for their homeless advocacy organization and they're wearing ID badges, then it's legitimate and I would be helping someone if I gave to them. On the other hand, if I just gave to a regular panhandler, I'd be feeding a drug or alcohol addiction problem.

I can't speak for everywhere, but it seemed like a pretty good guideline there.

Rick




Those who believe they can, can. Those who believe they can't are right.

[shadragon]

I was in Ottawa on a hot summer evening. So hot, I bought an ice cream. I was eating it on the way back to the hotel, when a woman sitting on the sidewalk asked me for some cash. When I politely said no and kept walking she said she just wanted an ice cream as well. I asked her what flavor, went back to the shop and bought her one. Then I sat with her for 20 minutes and we had a polite chat. I think my spending time with her was more of a treat than the dessert. It is one of the more memorable conversations I ever had.

I won't give someone cash directly, but a cup of coffee or a meal is not too much to give. When I think about how many good things I have in my life it is a small thing to buy something incidental for someone in need. Who knows... One day I may be that person.

[Mitch0129]

Several years ago, I came across one of those people at an intersection holding a sign that says "Will Work For Food". I had just left a Whataburger with a to-go meal; I offered the meal to the person but he wanted cash. Since then, I do not give cash to anyone like that. Now if they want a meal and I feel like it, I may get them one.

Last year, I was walking across a Best Buy parking lot when a car flew right in front of me cutting me off. A woman got out of the passager seat and walked towards me with the "Sorry to bother you but can I ask you a question?" line. I told her she could but she will probably won't like the answer. She went into this story about how they (she and the man in the car) are stuck here in Houston because a job fell through, they were broke, and were trying to get to Beaumont (90 miles east of Houston), I cut her off and asked her to just get to the point. Well, she wanted money for gas. I went over to check the fuel gauge on their car, it was on "F". When I called them it on it, they claimed the full gauge was broke. I did not believe them, told them that, but I still gave them a couple of dollars anyway.

When I was first out of college and found myself having to pound the pavement looking for work, I went into downtown Houston wearing a full blue pinstripe suit with a vest (that was the style at the time). My plan was to hit as many places as I could filling out apps and dropping resumes. I know I looked like a young, hot-shot, corporate executive with a ton of money and I was got panhandled no less than five times by people wanting me to buy them something to eat. They did not seem to believe me when I told them I barely have enough on me to pay for my parking and to pay for my own lunch.

I have many more stories like this I can tell but I reached a point to where I do not give cash to people on the street except in rare occasions when I just happen to feel like it. Instead, I donate to charitable causes who help people like this. I do not doubt that there are legit cases of folks who are really down and out so I do try to filter them out by asking certain questions. If there is any doubt, I just do not do it.

Edited by Mitch0129, 12 December 2008 - 09:50 PM.

[peterbj7]

I have three stories. One was of someone who asked me for money to buy food just after I had come out of a fast food restaurant. I asked him what food he wanted and went back in to buy it for him, but when I glanced out through the window I saw he had gone. The staff told me he was a regular, early-mid evening every evening, and was undoubtedly a scam artist who wanted the money for drink or drugs.

The second is of a woman who approached me in the heart of Oxford in England during the business day and directly asked me for money. I said "no" automatically, but seeing a policeman nearby went and told him. Begging is illegal in Oxford. He said the woman was well known to them and was a scam artist who made a lot of money by conning people. I must have looked doubtful, because he said "come back here at 5:30". I did that, and saw said woman being collected in a new high model Mercedes, apparently her own.

The last story is rather distasteful, but I'll tell it anyway. It came from an Indian friend who said that in big cities in India there were many beggars, usually accompanied by disabled children. He told me that it was common practice for children to be deliberately maimed shortly after birth so that they would be disabled, which would help their mother beg.

I have in the past given money to beggars, but when I've had the time to hang around and watch their behaviour I've often realised I was scammed. I don't do it now, but just offer food, their choice (I'm not going to buy a burger for a vegetarian). Amazing how many refuse the offer.

[Divegirl412]

I donate to many charitable organizations that help the homeless, battered women etc etc. I will admit I am a sucker for beggars who are (or claim to be) military vets (can't get the military out of the blood).. yes I am sure I have been scammed; or who are obviously disabled or very old. I very rarely give money to able bodied panhandlers for any reason but will buy or give food if accepted. Too many people are on the streets because of drugs and/ or alcohol, and I refuse to support their habits. My 2 cents!!

[Mermaid Lady]

Just offer to directly buy them what they claim to be begging money for (food, gas, etc.). 99 times out of 100 they won't accept it because they are really looking to buy booze or drugs.

[Mitch0129]

I will admit I am a sucker for beggars who are (or claim to be) military vets (can't get the military out of the blood).. yes I am sure I have been scammed; or who are obviously disabled or very old.

Divegirl, I can understand. I also have a special spot in my heart for those who have served in the military since I am a military brat. But I do resent beggars using that angle. They would have be there anyway regardless of whether or not they would have been in the service.

[WreckWench]

I will admit I am a sucker for beggars who are (or claim to be) military vets (can't get the military out of the blood).. yes I am sure I have been scammed; or who are obviously disabled or very old.

Divegirl, I can understand. I also have a special spot in my heart for those who have served in the military since I am a military brat. But I do resent beggars using that angle. They would have be there anyway regardless of whether or not they would have been in the service.

The sad thing is MANY vets will NOT seek help other that what they can do on their own. Its the way they were taught and its what they know. I will offer to buy food and then if they refuse saying they prefer cash I will often give them a couple of dollars anyway ESPECIALLY if they look like they could be an ex-Vet. I even asked one to show me his tatoo and it was an anchor so I was pretty confident he was a vet. But even if he wasn't I know I did the right thing and they will sort it out later with a higher authority. You can also tell a REALLY dirty person from someone who has dressed up to be homeless and that helps to ferret out those who really need from those who do not.

Usually we are NOT giving from our need but rather our surplus so if its only a couple of bucks and there is any doubt then just do it. It will be sorted out by a higher authority and you may have helped someone.

I agree giving to SHELTERS and FOOD KITCHENS is the best and safest idea. And offering to buy gas or food is also great! And lastly I too will look for someone who is quiet and appears to be in need. While not failsafe that the money will help...again I don't worry as it will be dealt with by a higher power than me. And it allows me to share just a bit in the moment...regardless of how the kindness is used.

The EXCEPTION to this rule would be in a parking lot as too many scams/possible injury can occur while you are looking for the money. This is NOT the place to do it ESPECIALLY during the Holidays.

Great thread! ww

[ScubaSis]

I hope the next time I am approached, by someone like this, I will be able to think fast enough to ask if I can buy them the food or whatever. I guess I can leave by myself and bring it back to them.......IF they are still there when I return it may mean they really needed the help.

[WreckWench]

I hope the next time I am approached, by someone like this, I will be able to think fast enough to ask if I can buy them the food or whatever. I guess I can leave by myself and bring it back to them.......IF they are still there when I return it may mean they really needed the help.

Yep! Just buy something you'd eat or could give to someone else...would hate for the great gesture to go to waste!