47 replies to this topic

[WisconsinGal]

Thanks, you guys! When I joined this group (and spent a week with a gaggle of you in Bonaire) I was very single ... now I'm glad I won't be shuttled off to SD.com Siberia just because I'm fortunate enough to have found someone who can tolerate me. I hope that the two of us can join you on a trip again in the near future so that she can see why I'm so fond of you all.

Anyone up for a rousing chorus of Kumbaya?

Congrats jexy! Great lookin' couple Single or not, I'd dive with you both anytime.



WG

[DandyDon]

Add me to the list of those who would dive with Jext, but...

It's been interesting to notice the names of new members also reading this thread when I pop in to see if someone has added something on-topic. Guess they're interested in what the group's feelings are?

Back on topic, I guess it's a sliding scale: Single, Single-Marrieds, Unmarried Couples in varying stages, Married Couples, with our theme being Singles, but we are nice folks, and certainly not narrow minded about all this. On a recent SD.com trip, we ended up with half of the group being not exactly sinlge, i.e. of 10 - a couple of sorts, a married couple, and a single-married who never showed. No one had a problem with any of that, we all enjoyed the whole deal and each other (almost lost one at immigration!), but the theme was still: "SingleDivers.com Group"

Any Singles organization is going to be challenged by the fact that most singles don't want to remain single. I don't put any effort into changing my status, but I have that same feeling. Ergo, actual participation change is going to happen, and I thought te subject worthy of discussion, apparantly as have some non-posters.

I guess the only drawback would be for the people who come here and do trips in hopes of meeting a particularyly interesting person of the other gender, only to return saying: "Hell, it wasn't a singles group. They were all coupled or buddyless married...?"

[mischievous]

however, we don't bill ourselves as a dating site.

[Sophia]

What's a single-married?

My 2psi. I really don't care, as long as the people are fun. On my one SD trip, I was buddied with a buddyless married, and I was tickled pink. He was a great buddy. I think most of us joined this site looking first for dive buddies. For those of us who are single, if one of them happened to be an attractive, single person of the opposite sex, then that would be a bonus.

[ScubaHawk]

I don't care what their status is, I can see how it would suck though to go on a trip, and be the only "solo" there. It doesn't bother me.
I don't care if she's single - I'm not the jealous type

[mischievous]

sophia...a single-married would be a diver whose spouse does not participate in the sport.

[Sophia]

sophia...a single-married would be a diver whose spouse does not participate in the sport.

OK, my mind got confused with the contradiction.

Back to the original question, which somewhat implied that married buddyless divers should go with their LDS. I'd much rather go on a sd.com trip, because a) WW would have organized it, and I think she does an excellent job, and b) I would know something about most of the people on the trip. Also, I know that WW knows the diving level/style of the people on the trip, and she pairs people by what is best for them, i.e. advanced with advanced. Rather then what is easiest for the operator, i.e. Dive instructors with the newly certified.

[H20 Bug]

It's been interesting to notice the names of new members also reading this thread when I pop in to see if someone has added something on-topic. Guess they're interested in what the group's feelings are?

Don, sounds like you were asking for more opinions. So my perspective, having followed the thread and having been several types of divers on trips – part of a diving couple, a buddyless diver, a single diver.

As part of a diving couple, I always liked diving more than my buddy and I always liked having a “single� diver buddy with us, cause I knew in a couple days it would be down to a pair – me and the “single� diver.

As a single diver on trips I’ve had plenty of opportunities to dive, but I also like hearing, sharing, researching, learning about everything that’s seen underwater. On “couples� trips, much as the married buddyless diver pointed out, you’re pretty much on your own after the dive.

I haven’t been on an SD trip yet, but I’d venture to say, from what I’ve been reading, that someone who’s been on a trip as a single and was “lucky enough� to return as a couple, would probably find the opportunity to dive with some of the previous single buddies – at least that’s what I’d be doing.

Also, something else to consider – given the lead time of most trips – if you sign up for a trip and you’re single, then by some miracle you attract a reasonable mate, what happens to the trip? No issue if the trip’s full, but what if it’s not full and the mate’s a diver or even a bubble watcher that could easily get hooked? If you’re single and you’re dating (or holding out hope to be dating ) would you sign up for a trip with a long lead time if there were a bunch of rules attached about who could and couldn’t join the trip? (Sorry, occupational habit, but it’s something to consider when establishing any “rules�).

[Divegirl412]

While I can see everyone's point of view, I think that there is a lot of validity to the questions that Don is asking. We initially did bill the site as a "single divers" site. Then it got expanded after discussion in the initial stages to include married/ dating buddyless etc. I think that while we can all say (and mean it) that we don't mind diving with people who are otherwise attached, the premise of this forum is overwhelmingly singles oriented.

Yes, it is not being touted as a dating site, however, all the people who are single AND open to relationships would obviously prefer to meet someone with the same interest in diving. And this was felt to be a great way to meet possibilities (that sounds so clinical).

I don't think anyone should be excluded when they are lucky enough to find a great relationship, especially if they were already members of the site... but I do think that it should be VERY clear when trips are being offered whether they are "singles" only or singles/buddyless, and OK to bring SO bubblewatchers. When I started thinking about the Roatan trip, I was dating someone. I made sure to ask Kamala whether this was singles only or couples allowed. If it had been singles only, I would have looked at other options. It turned out to be a non-issue as time went by. But it should be VERY clear when the trips are offered what the criteria are. Especially for the expensive, significant committment trips like Roatan etc. This is obviously not an issue when planning more local activities.

I used to be a member of an athletic singles club. Several couples met as members of the club, and they were welcome to continue joining several activities like kayaking etc, but not everything.

As Don says, I would hate to sign up for a trip and end up with several attached couples, married or not. Presumably, they would want to wander off occasionally to do things alone with their SO. I would if I were in their situation. When that starts happening, and I get to be the third wheel, how would that be any different from LDS trips or trips I book on my own.

[WreckWench]

Great questions and insight. In fact we've had the very same conversations ourselves.

So a little perspective of where we've been...We initially thought we'd be a 'singles' dive group only...aka single but not married. We soon however realized that we would not bill ourselves as a dating site and in order to be taken credible in the industry we needed to be both single not married as well as single buddyless (married but spouse does not dive). Some were concerned that we'd get too many buddyless divers but the ratio is actually very small compared to the number of single not married divers that we get. As for 'couples'....being single in todays world is like playing the lottery....most of the time you don't win but occassionally you do. However six months latter the money's run out and you need to play again. Ok...maybe not the best analogy but lets just say that dating is very fickle and if you are single you know exactly what I mean!

So how do we feel about 'couples' on our trips? Well pretty cool for the most part given the experience we've had to date. I get an occassional couple on the NC trips and they've been great! 98% single and one couple is never an issue. We had really cool couple on the Brockville Canada trip thanks to June aka DivingGal. They were her friends and Dandy Don will tell you that they were super cool and lots of fun! Will most couples want to be on a predominately 'single divers' trip? Probably not. Will most singles like to be on a predominately 'couples or married' trip? Probably not. Do we mind one or two especially some of our 'graduates'? Of course we don't mind! In fact we are thrilled!

Rosa made an excellent point. She asked in advance if she could bring her SO if things continued to work out. I said sure. She decided to do a single room so if he didnt' come she'd just be a single but if he did she'd be a double. That made the logistics perfect for me as well as allowed her the flexibility she needed. Unfortunately for her she came alone...fortunately for us...she was a blast either way.

So are couples welcome on a SD trip? I see no problem as long as it isn't predominately a trip of all couples or else we lose our edge. Will cupid connections occur on trips? Sure...they've happened on almost every trip. Some last a day or the length of the trip...some last a month or two after the trip and one so far has lasted almost 8 months! (We may even have our first 'graduates' join us on the Cozumel Reunion trip!)

So as Walter has hinted...we do have plans for the day when we have LOTS of graduates from SD.com...but until then...we are and will continue to be predominately single divers looking to dive together along with some great buddyless divers and some awesome couples...both dating as well as married. And yes that DOES make us different from most LDS's as well as other dive clubs.

In fact, there was a large group from both Arizona and Colorado on the Roatan trip this past week....they had a number of single divers in each group...about 5 women in the Arizona group with no single men so they mingled with ours. The Colorado group had a number of single guys in thier group including the group leader...but no single women...so they mingled with us as well. Are we different? Yep...do divers like that difference? Sure seems like it! Did we have fun with all our new found friends? Yep...almost as much as we did with our core group!

So Jexy you are ALWAYS welcome to dive with us and I hope we'll get to meet Wendi soon! Rosa...if not this trip...maybe the next one for your beau. And who knows...maybe even Dandy Don will have a female companion one trip!

See you all on a trip soon! -ww

[CaptSaaz]

Been reading this thread and alot of good questions and points have been made. From my point of view, being a single/buddyless diver, I'm looking at these trips as more than a way to find other buddyless divers to dive with but also the social aspect of hanging out pre/post dive.

If a "couple", married or unmarried, wants to come on the trip, sure, no problem. But, I would have misgivings about the couple who show up, dive together, and then disappear and do their own thing the rest of the time on the trip. I'm sure with a large group not everyone can out to dinner or tour the island together and it has to be done in small groups but couples would have to expect to be part of this.

I've done a few trips down to the caribbean on Windjammer cruises and such, single, and though I have had a great time and met lots of great people, you are still on your own alot of the time when the couples go off to do their thing. The third wheel problem. This is what I'm trying to get away from and when I found this site, I thought this would be an excellent thing to try. I hope to join everyone in Cozumel and that a great time will be had by all.

[triggerfish]

you mentioned going off to do your own thing....
personally, i don't enjoy spending every waking moment of my trip with the people i went with. i'd probably be one of those "antisocial" folks who needs time alone. i also hate being cajoled into doing something i don't feel like doing.
we're adults; if you want to participate, do so. if not, that should be ok too.
it summer camp, for god's sake.

[Walter]

Most of the fun on a group trip comes from associations with other members of the group. That doesn't mean everyone has to participate in every activity. You don'y give up your freedom to decide when you come on a Single Divers trip. Each person has their own needs and desires. Would you rather have dinner with the group or have some quiet time on your own? Your choice. You may decide differently on various days of the trip. Like TF said, we are all adults. We want you to have fun on Single Divers trips. You won't have as much fun if we don't plan activities or if we require attendance. Come on our trips and enjoy yourself.

[triggerfish]

ok.

[DandyDon]

Really, I thought someone would give me a "Good boy, Don" on my improved understanding described in Post #1, :dltears:

A well, interesting discussion....