25 replies to this topic

[fbp]

I had the old tapes running through my head too, of you need to get married, have kids, house with a white picket fence and a dog that picks up the paper, so when I got out of the service, got married, but we both agreed, before hand in "pillow talk", that we'd have fun first and then a few years lator take another look at it...

As soon as we got married and the honeymoon was over, she did a complete 180 on me.. wanted kids.. "..or what's the point of being married.." So we had one, lovely little girl and I was history. Wife was always up at her parents etc... and the potential for trying to have kids was more like trying to win the lotto... so we both agreed this wasn't going to work and we filed for a divorce. After constant nagging to move out, three months later I get a call saying she's pregnant...

Right after that, I got fixed...
and haven't regretted it since.

I'm not a family type of guy, wasn't raised that way, but I can certainly appreciate what a family is... and the warmth, caring and problems... This, of course, pretty much ruined dating as, at the time, marriage and kids went hand in hand.
This followed by 'divorced with Kids' to 'Kids Growing up'... which didn't work either so pretty much out of the loop... now, with kids grown up and out of the house it's a little different but interests are not the same...

I don't know how the single moms do it with kids... and working and raising a family, to me it's THE toughest job in the world.... and my hat is off to them...
It's just not my Cup O'Tea....

[Laura]

You are very pretty and you obviously have found a way to love yourself. That is all that matters.

Cevin

Aww shucks I'm blushing!

THANKS for the kind words.

Laura

[Laura]

Have you noticed that there are a lot more guys who don't want kids than women? Makes us a hot item on the dating market!

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. Actually, I have had the opposite problem - seems like all the guys I seem to fall for are the ones who want the kids. Perhaps I am putting out maternal vibes and just don't know it.

Either way, I respect their choice....I just happen to choose differently.

Thanks to all who replied...

Laura

[Walter]

Either way, I respect their choice....I just happen to choose differently.

Respect is important. Those who pressure other to have children are not showing respect.

[drbill]

I was certain I didn't want to have kids from the time I was a teenager. I love kids and am a great uncle to my 8 nieces and nephews. It may have to do with changing diapers for my youngest sister, 13 years my junior. I just knew it was a tremendous responsibility and that I was so dedicated to my work that I might not find time to do a responsible job of parenting.

Then I discovered a while back that I do have my own kid... he's 19 and a pretty fine young man based on our contact so far. I missed all the joys (and trials) of raising him because his mother kept him a secret from me. Fortunately his attitude when I asked if he were angry I wasn't present in his early years was "that was the past, we move forward from the present." Smart kid... must have a lot of my genes!

I think many people in all societies do not adequately reflect on whether they want children, whether they are ready for the responsibility of raising them, etc. Many just do it because it is a societal norm. I have much more respect for those who decide, one way or the other, after much thoughtful deliberation with their partner. If you choose not to based on such, you have made a responsible and right decision for you. If you chose to, likewise. No one has a right to question your choice.

Dr. B.

[ColoradoPilot]

I decided many years ago to have no kids. I do have a pup who loves me. Now if I could find the place to add a pic I could scare the women.

I did it! Had to use a different browser.

Edited by ColoradoPilot, 23 April 2004 - 09:31 PM.

[Diverlady]

Coppermaus, your post could have been written by me!! My mom calls my cat "grandcat" too!! Too funny! Has you mom made your cat stuffed toys?? Yep <sigh> mine has. Scary but true.

I knew when I was a child that I didn't want children. Babysitting was brutal! I figured if I ever had any kids, I'd be in prison in no time!! I just don't have the patience for it.

I too get the questions/statements: "You DON'T want children????" Duh! NO! Not all of us do!! (One of the reasons my LTR ended. At first he said he didn't but then he did. He said he thought I'd change my mind.) Those questions and comments pretty much stopped in my early thirties. I'm definitely too old now. My brother is getting married this summer and his fiance is older. She's in her mid 40's and says she's too old too. So my parents are just SOL!! (more toys coming for my cat I suppose)

Diverlady

[sacowboy]

Ok, I'm going to have to add my two cents worth in here. As many of you know, the Marine Corps has the motto of "Semper Fidelis", meaning "Always Faithful". Since being in the Marines, I have found that there are more mottos that fit equally well. Semper Gumby, "Always Flexible". If you can't improvise, adapt and overcome... you might as well get out while you can. Semper Me, "Always Me". Some people only think of them selves.

Basically what I'm saying is if you can stay faithful to yourself (God, country, ect.), remain flexible to any given situation, but yet make sure that your taking care of yourself, you are doing alright. Many times you have to stand your ground and let people know how you feel and remind them some things are none of their business.

I would consider myself extremely flexible in this situation. While I would love to have kids of my own one day, it isn't a requirement for me. I can be happy babying my dog(s) for the rest of my life as my child. And considering that he acts like one anyway.... it isn't that big of a deal. What I would really like is to find a woman that can accept me for me. And that is what everyone else should be looking for in their partner. Someone that can accept them for who they are. Not what they want them to be, how much money they have (or don't), what sports they are interested in, how they brush their teeth or anything else.

Now am I out of line? or asking too much?

[Diverbrian]

Believe it or not, I hear the people that don't want children. I love children to death and would accept any that came with "the package deal" as my own. But, as I said, while I don't have a biological clock, I do have a practical one.

At a certain point you take stock and say "this is what my future plans are". Figure two years or so to get to know a lady well enough (that is if I met her tomorrow) to where I would feel comfortable raising a child with her puts it out to three years before a child is born. That would put me at thirty-eight as a first time father when it is time to start thinking about if things are getting paid off and money saved for retirement when I am 60-65. The math here isn't pretty towards not putting a child through college while I am trying to retire. This is not something that I wish to have happen. At some point practical issues of life have to come into play.

Heck, I spend too much time on the road diving anymore to date, much less raise a child in any case. I am not so sure anymore that I wish to give that up either. That may be selfish of me, but it is less selfish than bringing a life into this world that I am not equipped to properly raise.

I have my younger brother (a permanent kid who really lifts my spirits some days, best heart that you will ever see and so innocent) and my pets. I should send you two ladies the cat toys that I bought for mine because she likes to swat at wagging Labrador tails, balls of yarn, twist ties, (in short anything but cat toys...)

I have great respect for all the people that make a decision on this issue and stand by it. My father has given up on Grandkids and my mother is no longer a factor (she was the "matchmaker", LOL). So, at least I don't have the family pressure to deal with.

[No Pressure]

Brian, take your math and add 11 years. When wives of friends hear that I am not married at my age, they assume that I am either gay or psychotic (or both).
I decided, after experiencing my parents' child raising plan (Mark, take care of your brothers), and having lost most of my life from the 20's thru mid 30's with career development (12 years of higher education is way too much), I am now in a position that states:
I want to meet, get to know, fall in love with, and spend time with ONE special person. That does not mean rush to making kids cause the biologic clock is really loud. The practical issue is that newly made kids would direct our life from here till I am retired (or can't cause they drain $$$ as fast as I make it). I would much rather travel, see the world, and experience lots of wonderful things with one person. Having children negates any possibility of that, cause I am not one to say "the nanny can raise the kids". Therefore, I am OK with being an uncle to 8 (so far), a godfather to 3, and a pain in the a** to most everyone else.

Edited by No Pressure, 24 April 2004 - 01:34 AM.

[Laura]

I am now in a position that states:
I want to meet, get to know, fall in love with, and spend time with ONE special person. That does not mean rush to making kids cause the biologic clock is really loud. The practical issue is that newly made kids would direct our life from here till I am retired (or can't cause they drain $$$ as fast as I make it). I would much rather travel, see the world, and experience lots of wonderful things with one person. Having children negates any possibility of that, cause I am not one to say "the nanny can raise the kids". Therefore, I am OK with being an uncle to 8 (so far), a godfather to 3, and a pain in the a** to most everyone else.

NP,

Well said!

Laura

PS My 7 yr old neice is fascinated by my scuba diving. Except she calls it "scoover diving"