24 replies to this topic

[WreckWench]

Gotta love it Ali....and just YOUR style too!

[Brinybay]

You win!  Right on for the year, (Ft. Polk, LA, summer 1972) probably about right for the calories.

Believe it or don't, it was a combination of the helmets, uniforms and your haircut that gave it away for me...it was in the early-to-mid 70s that I remember starting to see that mock Mohawk in conjunction with the WWII style helmet still in use.

Platypusman

It only looks like a Mohawk because of the camera angle and lighting. It's actually more of a butch cut. Because of the heat and humidity, I always just told the barber to just shave it all off, same length all around. I also remember that the day before, the drill instructors were gathering up anybody not in line getting a haircut for kp duty. I didn't need a haircut, but it was better than pulling kp. Hence it was a particularly short and fresh haircut.

Edited by Brinybay, 15 July 2005 - 09:21 AM.

[Brinybay]

Ok, here's one of my favorites I remember reading from Reader's Digest years ago:

A company of the 82nd Airborne had just completed some rigorous training and were having an inspection. As the company commander looked over one of the soldiers, he noticed a loose thread on his jacket.

CO: "Trooper, your fatigue jacket is frayed!"

Soldier: "Begging your pardon sir, but this here fatigue jacket ain't fraid of nothin'!"

[FreeFloat]

All the food comments above brought this one to mind (received by email). Only those who've spent time in uniform will really get it...
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I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner.

After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY never eaten.

I got out my trusty case of MRE's. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here's what I made:

I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-King, and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice. I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic and olive oil.

In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees.

When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly thingys from one of my spice cans (hey, if it's got green sprinkly thingys on it, it looks fancy right?)

For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water. I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous organism, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voila--Ranger Pudding.

For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military Special"--it sells for $4.35 per fifth) and mixed in four packets of "Electrolytes -1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie kool-aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess... could've been leftover sand from Egypt).

I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy-series China (that stuff is EXPENSIVE... my set of 8 place settings cost me over $600), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.

She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!"

We dug in, and she was loving the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the makeshift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.

At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made. Huh? Chocolate what? Okay... yeah... it's Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make... yup.

Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my restroom. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself "uh oh" and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay.

Let the games begin.
She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup. The Army even makes smellgood) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.

After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time. I could hear her say "What the hell is WRONG with me???," as she again send flatulent shockwaves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kinda wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.

Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes.

I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks. She came out with a slightly gray palor to her face, and said "I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed, I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!" I gave her an Immodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed.

Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.

After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of "Army food" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories or dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?" After I concurred, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word.

She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't **** for 3 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY there to inspect the food beforehand.

It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually, and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.

I know, I'm an ********e, but it was still a funny night.

[WreckWench]

OMG....that was hilarious!!! Way to go FreeFloat!

[CaliD]

I wonder if all of us who have been in the Military have pulled similar stunts.
While nothing so elaborate I too wanted to make sure my family didn't miss
the wonderful delicacy of MRE's.

"Dinner's Is Served"

[Latitude Adjustment]

Only 3 years old? That's the problem, like wine you served it before it's time
I've had C-rations that had been packed for WW2 and Korea, maybe it's all those preservatives that keep me young!

[Brinybay]

I wonder if all of us who have been in the Military have pulled similar stunts.
While nothing so elaborate I too wanted to make sure my family didn't miss
the wonderful delicacy of MRE's. 

"Dinner's Is Served" 

No, I have and would not do something like that. Dates are hard enough to come by, let alone finding one brave enough to come to my place.

Edited by Brinybay, 20 July 2005 - 11:27 PM.

[BradfordNC]

Of course it would be tough to stay a lean mean fighting machine with dinner like that on a daily basis.

the locals eat it everyday, and i have yet to see any overweight locals

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Edited by BradfordNC, 27 July 2005 - 12:12 PM.