64 replies to this topic

[Diverbrian]

NOTE FROM SD STAFF: This thread was split off from the 'Stopsigns and Redlights' thread. Enjoy!

1. Track marks on her arms (she needn't say a word)

2. "I can't dive tomorrow, I'm getting my nails done."

3. "I'm sure you'll love my pet boa constrictor... he sleeps with me every night."

4. "I'm a natural blonde." [with some allowance for signs of high intelligence]

5. "I bleach my hair once a month so my roots [= intelligence] aren't so obvious."

6. "I love to dive. Will you take me to the Great Barrier Reef? I can't afford to go myself."

7. "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?"

8. "You are old enough to be my father." [unless she's a daddy's girl!]

9. "Do you drive a Mercedes?"

10. "I plan to be celibate until I get married."

Actually, I consider #10 to be admirable. It would give me a chance to know her and know that I don't just want her for "you-know-what" which tends to confuse the issue. And it would make the honeymoon that much more special.

Unfortunately most of us have self-control issues and won't make this happen.

Edited by Terri, 15 January 2006 - 09:01 AM.

[finley]

1. Track marks on her arms (she needn't say a word)

2. "I can't dive tomorrow, I'm getting my nails done."

3. "I'm sure you'll love my pet boa constrictor... he sleeps with me every night."

4. "I'm a natural blonde." [with some allowance for signs of high intelligence]

5. "I bleach my hair once a month so my roots [= intelligence] aren't so obvious."

6. "I love to dive. Will you take me to the Great Barrier Reef? I can't afford to go myself."

7. "Aren't you going to buy me a drink?"

8. "You are old enough to be my father." [unless she's a daddy's girl!]

9. "Do you drive a Mercedes?"

10. "I plan to be celibate until I get married."

Actually, I consider #10 to be admirable. It would give me a chance to know her and know that I don't just want her for "you-know-what" which tends to confuse the issue. And it would make the honeymoon that much more special.

Unfortunately most of us have self-control issues and won't make this happen.

see here we go with the male double standard......if we do or if we don't we're something (men have all kinds of names that I find amusing at best and degrading at worst) Maybe if she says # 10 she's trying to tell you it ain't happening in THIS relaationship.

[Twinklez]

see here we go with the male double standard......if we do or if we don't we're something (men have all kinds of names that I find amusing at best and degrading at worst) Maybe if she says # 10 she's trying to tell you it ain't happening in THIS relaationship.

Maybe she's just tired of feeling like a sample on the candy counter! There are women who don't lay down with every man they date, and women who don't lay down with any of them until they know there is something more than a physical attraction. That just might mean a commitment (marriage) first. Especially if they've done it the other way around and it didn't work.

"If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got!"

And, by the way, there are just as many men turning in this same direction these days.

I think the important thing is not to judge others for the decisions they make for themselves. It may not be right for you, but it's right for them.

Edited by Twinklez, 14 January 2006 - 10:49 AM.

[drbill]

I think the important thing is not to judge others for the decisions they make for themselves. It may not be right for you, but it's right for them.

Good point, Tina!

[Diverbrian]

see here we go with the male double standard......if we do or if we don't we're something (men have all kinds of names that I find amusing at best and degrading at worst) Maybe if she says # 10 she's trying to tell you it ain't happening in THIS relaationship.

Maybe she's just tired of feeling like a sample on the candy counter! There are women who don't lay down with every man they date, and women who don't lay down with any of them until they know there is something more than a physical attraction. That just might mean a commitment (marriage) first. Especially if they've done it the other way around and it didn't work.

"If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got!"

And, by the way, there are just as many men turning in this same direction these days.

I think the important thing is not to judge others for the decisions they make for themselves. It may not be right for you, but it's right for them.

Actually some guys fall into this category. Forget about the ethics. I screwed that one up long ago. In more practical terms, I found that it allowed too many other emotions to enter in and made it more difficult to break things off when they didn't work. It confuses issues unless you are clear on your real feelings.

In the meantime, to me diving to 200 ft. in cold water (any water really) can be a very harsh, demanding, and unforgiving mistress who will only too willingly "lie down with you" in ways that you will not enjoy if you don't give her the time and attention due to her. Right now, that is my mistress. That could change.

I want to do things in some semblance of right this time around. I have tried many of the other ways. Now, I think that the old fashioned way might prevent me from screwing up when I get another chance. Other peoples mileage may vary and that is cool as well. Those differences keep the world rotating on its axis.

The celibacy issue to me isn't really a warning one way or the other. It is simply something that I see as sweet and charming if she feels that way. Please forgive a person for not wanting to repeat his mistakes. I am familar with the names that you refer to. I have the same opinions of those names. And yes, there are crude and insulting names for both extremes. The same type of names exist for men when women refer to them at times in "girl talk", I am sure. Most of my friends are women.

[jholley309]

see here we go with the male double standard......if we do or if we don't we're something (men have all kinds of names that I find amusing at best and degrading at worst) Maybe if she says # 10 she's trying to tell you it ain't happening in THIS relaationship.

Maybe she's just tired of feeling like a sample on the candy counter! There are women who don't lay down with every man they date, and women who don't lay down with any of them until they know there is something more than a physical attraction. That just might mean a commitment (marriage) first. Especially if they've done it the other way around and it didn't work.

"If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got!"

And, by the way, there are just as many men turning in this same direction these days.

I think the important thing is not to judge others for the decisions they make for themselves. It may not be right for you, but it's right for them.

I tend to agree with Tina, here.

As enjoyable as it is, to me sex has too much baggage that goes along with it, and that has a tendency to "silt up the water", so to speak. While I'm not necessarily in the "celibate until marriage" camp, I do believe in letting a relationship develop before hopping into the sack. If it starts off purely physical, pretty soon it's about nothing but the physical aspect.

Of course, that's just me. Other people seem to live for casual sex and have no problem with it; more power to them. I'm just not wired that way. It's what makes humans so interesting, really: we're all different.

Cheers!

Jim

[finley]

see here we go with the male double standard......if we do or if we don't we're something (men have all kinds of names that I find amusing at best and degrading at worst) Maybe if she says # 10 she's trying to tell you it ain't happening in THIS relaationship.

Maybe she's just tired of feeling like a sample on the candy counter! There are women who don't lay down with every man they date, and women who don't lay down with any of them until they know there is something more than a physical attraction. That just might mean a commitment (marriage) first. Especially if they've done it the other way around and it didn't work.

"If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got!"

And, by the way, there are just as many men turning in this same direction these days.

I think the important thing is not to judge others for the decisions they make for themselves. It may not be right for you, but it's right for them.

I tend to agree with Tina, here.

As enjoyable as it is, to me sex has too much baggage that goes along with it, and that has a tendency to "silt up the water", so to speak. While I'm not necessarily in the "celibate until marriage" camp, I do believe in letting a relationship develop before hopping into the sack. If it starts off purely physical, pretty soon it's about nothing but the physical aspect.

Of course, that's just me. Other people seem to live for casual sex and have no problem with it; more power to them. I'm just not wired that way. It's what makes humans so interesting, really: we're all different.

Cheers!

Jim

THANK_YOU>>>>I could not say it this well...but if Im on a second date with you its because there is an interest.......I want to see "where it will go" if there truly is something or if we're just friends or whatever...to know you have to keep seeing eachother.. although Im not celibate until marriage ( because I SERIOUSLY doubt I will marry again) Im not one that thinks "he will love me if I sleep with him" I DO think that men and woman view sexual intimacy very differently...VERY few women have casual sex...if theyre in bed with you there is usually more to it
However, its been long enough that maybe...JOKING...

[Twinklez]

...Im not one that thinks "he will love me if I sleep with him" I DO think that men and woman view sexual intimacy very differently...VERY few women have casual sex...if theyre in bed with you there is usually more to it...

Actually I think the numbers of women having casual sex are far more than most women care to admit. Because we play coy about it doesn't mean it isn't happening. I think that the majority of us realize that sleeping with a man will do more harm to a developing relationship than good. Those of us that go ahead with the activity are simply placing one need over the other, or maybe it's just been determined that it's not really going anywhere anyway so what the heck. We're not so stupid that we think "he will love me if I sleep with him."

For me, there must be three things present: I must have love in my heart for him, and I must desire him physically; and I must believe that the same things are present in him.

Women do have the same physical needs as men. You can deny those needs, or attempt to meet them. To do the latter, you're either taking matters into your own hands or sleeping with someone. It's simple as that. From what I understand, for men masturbation brings relief; but for women it can be very different. Dr. Ruth once made an analogy of masturbation for women saying "It's like getting all dressed up with no place to go." My analogy would be "the more I get the more I want." So I'm best to leave well enough alone, lest I'll be seeking the real thing to meet my physical needs. (And confusing the hell out of my emotional being in the process!)

To say "if a woman is in bed with a man there is more to it" is either making a very ill-informed assumption or simply trying to be coy on the subject. I believe there are just as many men who attach emotions to sex as there are women who have sex simply for physical pleasure. The pendulum always swings both ways.

Edited by Twinklez, 14 January 2006 - 04:52 PM.

[ScubaHawk]

Just for the record, I do not believe in having casual sex with someone until we are in a long term committed relationship, before that it should be formal sex, maybe not tux but at least suit and tie.

[Twinklez]

Ok, but only if you turn around! It's kind of hard to accomplish anything with you always facing the opposite direction!

[finley]

...Im not one that thinks "he will love me if I sleep with him" I DO think that men and woman view sexual intimacy very differently...VERY few women have casual sex...if theyre in bed with you there is usually more to it...

Actually I think the numbers of women having casual sex are far more than most women care to admit. Because we play coy about it doesn't mean it isn't happening. I think that the majority of us realize that sleeping with a man will do more harm to a developing relationship than good. Those of us that go ahead with the activity are simply placing one need over the other, or maybe it's just been determined that it's not really going anywhere anyway so what the heck. We're not so stupid that we think "he will love me if I sleep with him."

For me, there must be three things present: I must have love in my heart for him, and I must desire him physically; and I must believe that the same things are present in him.

Women do have the same physical needs as men. You can deny those needs, or attempt to meet them. To do the latter, you're either taking matters into your own hands or sleeping with someone. It's simple as that. From what I understand, for men masturbation brings relief; but for women it can be very different. Dr. Ruth once made an analogy of masturbation for women saying "It's like getting all dressed up with no place to go." My analogy would be "the more I get the more I want." So I'm best to leave well enough alone, lest I'll be seeking the real thing to meet my physical needs. (And confusing the hell out of my emotional being in the process!)

To say "if a woman is in bed with a man there is more to it" is either making a very ill-informed assumption or simply trying to be coy on the subject. I believe there are just as many men who attach emotions to sex as there are women who have sex simply for physical pleasure. The pendulum always swings both ways.

Well...to quote Dr.RUth...never mind who would bother....I guess I don't understand the multitude as well as I thought...Mot doubting that we (women) have one night stands but usually...you will never see us again....because//yes... we have given in to a physical demand against our other ( don't want to get into morality but we all have our own) but if there is an emotional.."thing" going on..women I have discussed the subject with will wait until they are sure...then even if it doesnt work out...they were at least sure of their decision to take it to that pont.

Edited by finley, 14 January 2006 - 11:58 PM.

[Twinklez]

Well...to quote Dr.RUth...never mind who would bother....

I bothered. She was funny. She was intelligent. She did not mince words. She got straight to the point using language that everybody could understand and relate to. She did not attempt to be coy; she just said it like was.

C'mon, women these days who do not wish marriage and do not wish a long term relationship are doing something. Maybe taking care of themselves, maybe one night stands, but more than likely it's a "friends with benefits" situation given today's health concerns, etc. Anything outside of a committed relationship where two people have promised to be exclusive with one another is casual sex any way you slice it. So even if you've been dating awhile, but are still dating others and you have sex....that's casual sex becaue you are not exclusively committed to that person and there is a likelihood that person will not be the last person you have sex with.

Anyway, I think this thread was supposed to be about stop signs and redlights; maybe we need to agree to disagree and get back on topic.

Edited by Twinklez, 15 January 2006 - 12:45 AM.

[Diverbrian]

Anyway, I think this thread was supposed to be about stop signs and redlights; maybe we need to agree to disagree and get back on topic.

Nope, we get back on the topic in the original thread and get the management to split these posts out so that we can keep this one going as well after some of us agree to disagree .

[drbill]

Im not one that thinks "he will love me if I sleep with him" I DO think that men and woman view sexual intimacy very differently...VERY few women have casual sex...if theyre in bed with you there is usually more to it

How about "If I love her/him I will sleep with her/him?"

If I were to be celibate until marriage, I've already really blown that one! And I may not get married, but I'll be darned if I'll remain celibate.

Edited by drbill, 15 January 2006 - 02:27 AM.

[Walter]

Am I the only one confused because the first post in this thread appears to be missing?