Lets talk about that anger thing for a moment...
Traditional dating scenario:
Guy gets introduced to a girl through a friend, at a bar, whatever. Guy makes small talk while the woman makes up her mind as to whether this guy is worth her time. Lets assume she thinks the guy is cute or she'd go out on a date with him. They chat a bit more, he buys a couple of drinks, and before they part he asks for her number. They exchange numbers. He goes home, she goes home. When should he call? That night? Next day, a couple of days later. He's trying not to seem to eager, she's getting impatient. He calls the next afternoon. She would prefer he had called in the morning, but she wouldn't initate the conversation. They set up a date.
Our hero is supposed to pick her up at 7 for dinner and a movie. Being a gentleman, he shows up 10 minutes early. She makes him wait an hour while she "works on her hair". At 8:10 she walks out looking ravishing. He holds her door open she glares at him because he's just assialed her independence. She's 30, not 60. Dinner is a bit rushed because they were late for their reservation and showtime is looming. He picks up the check. First date protocol. Figure $20 each plus drinks. She gets her own door this time and he's feeling like the date is going south, because he's clearly upset her but she hasn't said anything. They get the tickes from the booth. $15 each, popcorn, drinks. She's picked the movie of course. He's bored out of his mind watching Brokeback Mountain but feigns interest. Takes her home, gets a "no contact" hug and a thank you. They talk a few times on the phone that week, but clearly they are not meant for each other. So they part ways.
Review:
Our hero was polite, cordial, timely, and tried to make her happy. For his trouble this week, he's not found the right girl for him, he's gotten the cold shoulder, he's spent just over $100, and now she is going to tell 20 of her closest friends that he was an ok guy, but pretty boring and insensitive. Two more weeks pass and this scenario gets played out twice more. Week 4, he speaks to a girl who happens to be a friend of the girl from week 1. But this time, when she gets home, she calls her girlfriend and tells her that the guy hit on her. Week 1 girl calls him back and tells him what a a**hole he is for hitting on her girlfriend. Of course the guy didn't know it. He thought he'd just met an attractive woman who might have some interest. She didn't say anything to him that would suggest otherwise.
Problem:
Our hero has spent $300-400 this month, has gotten brushed off, has now been talked about behind his back, has been cursed out on the phone from a girl who didn't give him the time of day, and is no nearer the relationship that he wants. For a guy trying to "put himself out there", this gets VERY old after a few months. So he takes up a hobby, and spends time with his buddies. Lets say he's taken up small time car racing with his buds. A few months pass. Week 1 girl calls out of the blue to see what he's been up to. After a few minutes, he offers that he's been dabbling in racing cars. She perks up and asks why he never mentioned he was into that kind of thing. He looks at the phone in disbelief. Did she really just say that? You're the same guy you were a few months ago, but now she's showing interest because you have some "exciting hobby". He gets off the phone as quickly as possible, angry that she could be that shallow. He never speaks to him again. She becomes angry that this guy has now blown her off, and he wasn't all that much to begin with.
The anger comes from both parties feeling like they were wronged. Years of this kind of behavior tends to temper us. We become less trustful. We become less apt to just jump in with both feet. Or even to initiate anything. In traditional dating roles, the burden both financial and emotional, falls to the guy. He is assuming the risk of rejection upon first meeting, first date, followup phone calls, etc. He is trying to be Mr. Right because if he lets his guard down, surely all will be lost.
*****
This is the game. I refuse to play it. My life is simple. I work, I coach. Sometimes I dress nicely. Sometimes I have on soccer shorts and a sweatshirt. I like to dive. You dive, great. You don't, no problem, I'll be back Sunday afternoon. You want to go on a date? Terrific. Meet me at the bar/club/resturant. Don't want to give me your number, no problem. I'm not your type? Ok, have a good life. It's not anger. Its a refusal to play a game I cannot possibly win. In fact, I can't even compete, because I don't have a copy of the rules. I would hazard a guess that many of the men here are also not angry, just aren't intetersted in playing these games. We want to share our lives with someone we can love. But we won't forced into some contrived shenanigans just to curry favor.
Nothing would make me more happy than to meet a nice woman with brains, goals, and looks, and have us hit it off. Actually, I have met someone like that. I'm taking it slow. Maybe she'll show some interest (some has been shown) and maybe I'm not her type. Time will tell. But she may be out of my league!
