172 replies to this topic

[PerroneFord]

I'm not quite sure how that farcical, hypothetical story I made up was taken as autobiographic. It surely was not. A few members on this board have had a chance to meet me. I would imagine they got to see me just being me. Without pretense. I try to be polite and cordial, and treat people as I would want to be treated. I am really just a fairly simple person with simple desires in life.

But this idea of "she must have" is borne from past relatinships that went poorly because of certain incompatibilities. It is my desire to not repeat past mistakes. I assimilate what I have learned and move forward, hopefully selecting better partners. I realize this narrows the prospective scope of people I could select from, but I'm willing to deal with that.

I pity those that select the same poor choice in partners time and again because they do not learn from past lessons. As the saying goes, if we do not learn from our past, we are doomed to repeat it.

[Twinklez]

... I've run into people in his line of work in the jungles of Latin America, haunted people that have done really, really shitty things under the guise of patriotism). As I prepare to leave, he asks for my number and I give it to him, because I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt for now, despite my blue flags flying (we liberal types have blue rather than red flags). And, BTW, I paid for my own dinner despite his insistence to let him pay....

If he did those things...why would he tell of it to a complete stranger? Should have been sirens going off instead of flags waving.

He calls the next evening, and we talk a long time. The conversation is pretty good except that at one point I told him that I didn't think the nice, sweet guy image he is trying to project to me is who is really is. He gets all freaky-deak about that statement, and I'm kind of "whoa". Blue flags waving again. I should have cut it off right then, we do end up talking by phone a few more times before I agree to meet him after work for another face-to-face. He keeps the freaky-deak stuff at minimum.

So you told him you thought his sweet guy image was an act......

I purposely arrive early and get my club soda and lime so that he won't have to buy me a drink. At this encounter, he starts talking sex the minute he sits down. ... I say I've got to go. He walks me to my car and tries to talk me into going to his place where he claims he will rock my world and make my toes curl. ... I politely decline and leave. When I get home, I find he has called, and he has left a "sweet message" ... I send him an email that I'm not feeling it. ...

And then didn't like it when he showed his bad boy side. Then ultimately ditched him with an email.

No doubt based on your story the guy was a flake, but you participated in his conversation of sex when it would have served you both best to stop it when it started.

You don't win the lottery without buying the ticket.

Such a simple, yet profound statement! Just like the lottery, meeting new people involves investment, risk and often loss; but there's that one chance that makes it all worth while.

[Twinklez]

hmm...this isn't a dating site...right...so if we're going diving...guess..all the above doesn't matter...but seriously you are right...but I do what I enjoy..don't do any of them "to meet men" especially the fire dept. they are very apt at determining quickly why a woman is there...I am there to fight fire and do rescues...NOT to meet men.....don't know what I should do to "meet someone" that's why I said earlier...my "prince" needs to have some serious ESP going on to find my front door.

and PS...I wasn't diving alone..never dive alone not NEAR good enough to dive alone...

SD is not a dating site, but many people do meet and date here. Laundramats aren't dating sites either, nor are grocery stores; yet many singles end up meeting each other there. If you do what other singles are doing and go where they, you are more likely to meet someone. But if you go with a bag over your head, if they notice you, it won't be the way you want to be noticed.

Diving.... I don't dive alone either, but not because of my skill level. If you're not NEAR good enough to dive alone; you shouldn't be in the water at all. The buddy system is not intended to compensate for knowledge and skill. If you're not skilled enough to be in the water alone, they you're a danger to yourself and your buddy.

But not all women require a man with lots of dough, or expect to have a lot of cash spent on them as part of the dating experience.

guess I didn't read that far back....see...all of this is so hard....and I get weary...its much easier just to call friends-male and female- and go to dinner or a concert...I filled the ice chest you grab some food...I'll meet you there...or 7:30 see you there Its my treat...why is it significantly harder with opposite sex people that are interested in romantic involvement...

Guys...take notice! Finley's got the right idea for the perfect date! In my opinion, this is the best way to meet Mr or Misses Right! Go and do things with friends, as friends, male or female, have fun and be yourself!

Finley it shouldn't be harder when there's a romantic interest; but for some reason it certainly seems to muck things up much more than it should!

why is it significantly harder with opposite sex people that are interested in romantic involvement...

I just don't know. I just told my story to show that it is not all about the money thing. That guy did not spend a penny on me, so he had no reason to be shitty to me other than the fact I told him I was not interested.

All that was lost was a little of his time ( I guess he counted the phone conversations as "dates", so we had passed the 3-date rule threshold). And BTW, when did this whole 3-date rule thing come about? Seems to be a pretty standard expectation now that the gal has to put out on or before the 3rd date, ESP if money was involved.

The guy had no reason to be shitty whether he spent money or not. It just didn't work out.

Three-date rule? I have my own set of rules; tailored to fit me and not intended for anyone else.

You see, it's NOT all about the idea of "spending a lot of money" on someone. I don't think it's outrageous to spend $30-50 on a date. If you go over a friends house for a game and get pizzas and beer, you'll spend nearly the same thing. The problem is that for many men, women seem to expect men to "take them out" in the traditional manner. So a nice gentleman who is "putting himself out there" as it is purported nice guys don't do, is looking at spending several hundred dollars per month for the privlege of being turned down, only to see those same women who claim they are looking for nice guys, end up with rogue types.

It's maddening when you try to do all the right things and treat women respectfully, and then watch them end up with a man who is known to abuse women, or treats them poorly. You buy her roses, he won't buy her a bucket of popcorn, but she likes him better. You treat her to the salon, he stands her up so he can go ride his Harley with his buddies.. but she likes him because he's "edgy and cute". And then we wonder why nice guys become not-so-nice after a few years of that.

I must say, I have been pleasantly surprised recently at how few dates I've had have actually wanted me to spend a lot of money. Only one person in the past 2 years has expected this and she wasn't worth me buying a beer for. Maybe things are changing.

Perrone, just be you! You are a really great guy, and there is a really great lady out there. But how will she find you if you're constantly trying to meet someone's expectations instead of just being you?

[Twinklez]

$300 - 400 a month. Buddy, you could rent misses right a couple a times a month for that. And not have to worry about her having some type of attitude problem.

LOL

Just don't let the single non-professional gals that is what you're doing with your cash on those down months. Big turn-off!

So does that mean that the professional women don't care if he rents Misses Right now and again?

[Dive_buddy]

since my reply was in response to a specific question of why nice guys finish last and all the girls respond to the bad boys..I felt the reference to this specific group was easily understood...as far as sterotyping...didn't intend it, would not intentionallly do it and apologize for the rise in your blood pressure

I apologize. It would seem that I misread your intent, or your tone, in your reply. And that you may have misread mine as well. I do believe that I interperted your reply to be more curt than it was. I attempted to convey a tongue-in-cheek reply and appier to have failed.

You did not get my blood pressure up. And again, I apologize if it sounded that way.

[Diverbrian]

I'm not going to the trouble to find the quote here about the lottery, but I don't buy tickets for the lottery either.

I go to work and attempt to earn a paycheck instead of betting my money on some astronomical shot to make a bundle. The paycheck is a far more sure bet than the lottery.

I am not out to run a large risk to get anything. I plan for it and I do the work. My diving is much that way as well.

I figure that I just am myself for a while and socialize with no expectations, I will find myself in the presence of Miss Right. I may try to deny it. But my higher power won't let me pass her by if that is who I am intended to be with. If I don't wind up with her, obviously that was not the one that was intended for me and I wait some more. That was intended for me as well.

[Twinklez]

I'm not going to the trouble to find the quote here about the lottery, but I don't buy tickets for the lottery either.

I go to work and attempt to earn a paycheck instead of betting my money on some astronomical shot to make a bundle. The paycheck is a far more sure bet than the lottery.

I am not out to run a large risk to get anything. I plan for it and I do the work. My diving is much that way as well.

I figure that I just am myself for a while and socialize with no expectations, I will find myself in the presence of Miss Right. I may try to deny it. But my higher power won't let me pass her by if that is who I am intended to be with. If I don't wind up with her, obviously that was not the one that was intended for me and I wait some more. That was intended for me as well.

I think the lottery statement was intended to say that unless you participate in some way, as opposed to sitting at home and whining, then you've narrowed your opportunities to nill. I don't believe it was intended to mean just date anyone and everyone. Being that for most people finding love is the greatest; and for others winning the lottery is also, so I see the analogy and do agree.

[finley]

since my reply was in response to a specific question of why nice guys finish last and all the girls respond to the bad boys..I felt the reference to this specific group was easily understood...as far as sterotyping...didn't intend it, would not intentionallly do it and apologize for the rise in your blood pressure

I apologize. It would seem that I misread your intent, or your tone, in your reply. And that you may have misread mine as well. I do believe that I interperted your reply to be more curt than it was. I attempted to convey a tongue-in-cheek reply and appier to have failed.

You did not get my blood pressure up. And again, I apologize if it sounded that way.

Not a problem...but I thimk Ill start using smley faces again. ...for I love friendly debate on issues of opinion (if it were fact there would be no room for debate) and VERY seldom get distraught over somone else's opinion...but I have been known to come to life if directly attacked...glad we figured out it was just misinterpretation of tone ..WHICH BY THE WAY is one of the biggest problems with a printed message....especially on the computer which can be zipped off in nanoseconds without the author even rereading it.

[finley]

Diving.... I don't dive alone either, but not because of my skill level. If you're not NEAR good enough to dive alone; you shouldn't be in the water at all. The buddy system is not intended to compensate for knowledge and skill. If you're not skilled enough to be in the water alone, they you're a danger to yourself and your buddy


Well, Twinklez...I guess this will be one of the time I come to life....The above is an OPINION...even stated as fact., it is an opinion...you know nothing about my diving or my skill at being a buddy or what MY requirements for dving alone would be.plus what class did you take that allows you to judge others skills without ever being exposed to them. ..I bet if this was a thread...there would be quite a variation of OPINIONS..from if your brave enough ...go for it....some would speak of specific certifications. MY opinion is that one would be an exemplary dver with many dives in a WIDE variety of environments and EXEMPLARY navigator with specific training in that area...since I don't meet MY requirements.....I don't do it...However, if you feel comfortable diving alone with 60 logged dive,,,that is your decision...I don't think it's safe...but its your decision.

[Diverbrian]

I'm not going to the trouble to find the quote here about the lottery, but I don't buy tickets for the lottery either.

I go to work and attempt to earn a paycheck instead of betting my money on some astronomical shot to make a bundle. The paycheck is a far more sure bet than the lottery.

I am not out to run a large risk to get anything. I plan for it and I do the work. My diving is much that way as well.

I figure that I just am myself for a while and socialize with no expectations, I will find myself in the presence of Miss Right. I may try to deny it. But my higher power won't let me pass her by if that is who I am intended to be with. If I don't wind up with her, obviously that was not the one that was intended for me and I wait some more. That was intended for me as well.

I think the lottery statement was intended to say that unless you participate in some way, as opposed to sitting at home and whining, then you've narrowed your opportunities to nill. I don't believe it was intended to mean just date anyone and everyone. Being that for most people finding love is the greatest; and for others winning the lottery is also, so I see the analogy and do agree.

Actually, we understand each other and are closer in agreement than one might think. I was simply making the point that unlike the lottery, some work is required other than just "buying the ticket".

Those that know me are aware that I am not much of a gambler. Maybe that is why deep wreck diving appeals to me. It is more of a calculated risk than a gamble . In that kind of diving, you may play the odds a little, but you "stack the deck" as much as possible.

Looking for relationships for me is much the same. I happen to believe that if you make yourself ready, then your mate will appear sooner rather than later. The funny thing about relationships seems to be that the successful ones that I hear about primarily involve two people who really weren't looking when they started and were perfectly happy on their own. Then, they ran into each other in the course of their normal lives and couldn't stay away from each other .

[Diverbrian]

Diving.... I don't dive alone either, but not because of my skill level. If you're not NEAR good enough to dive alone; you shouldn't be in the water at all. The buddy system is not intended to compensate for knowledge and skill. If you're not skilled enough to be in the water alone, they you're a danger to yourself and your buddy


Well, Twinklez...I guess this will be one of the time I come to life....The above is an OPINION...even stated as fact., it is an opinion...you know nothing about my diving or my skill at being a buddy or what MY requirements for dving alone would be.plus what class did you take that allows you to judge others skills without ever being exposed to them. ..I bet if this was a thread...there would be quite a variation of OPINIONS..from if your brave enough ...go for it....some would speak of specific certifications. MY opinion is that one would be an exemplary dver with many dives in a WIDE variety of environments and EXEMPLARY navigator with specific training in that area...since I don't meet MY requirements.....I don't do it...However, if you feel comfortable diving alone with 60 logged dive,,,that is your decision...I don't think it's safe...but its your decision.

Ma'am,

You have hit on one of my favorite expressions involving diving. In fact, she may have heard it from me somewhere else. The fact of the matter is that I personally don't feel that it relates to how good one is as a diver so much as this statement. If someone is not MENTALLY PREPARED to do a dive solo, then they likely shouldn't be doing that dive.

It does not mean that they should be diving solo. It means that they should not be dependent on their buddy for the knowledge and skills to do that dive. Another expression that means much the same thing is that "a dependent dive buddy is a danger to the team." This does not relate to how good or bad a diver is, just if they are ready to do a dive or not. I find that much of diving (and this gets underestimated) is being mentally and emotionally prepared for the dive. A person with very little experience and skill can get themselves out of a dicey situation by simply being calm and using their resources (including a buddy) to get out of the situation. That same situation can be worse on a normally good and experienced diver operating on very little sleep and the "ragged edge" of mental and emotional exhaustion.

In relationships, a dependent partner would be one who is normally reliant on the other for basic self-esteem and self-respect issues. If the partner couldn't respect and love themselves going into the relationship, then they will have a rough time showing those feelings about others. If they can't do that, then they will drain the positive energy out of the relationship and the relationship likely won't survive in the grand form that most of us look for.

I'll be honest when I say that I lacked the love and respect of myself in my past relationships. It came back to bite me, because I picked poor partners for myself and drained what little positive energy that I had left into trying to make a bad relationship work. Then, I completely blamed myself when actually I was letting myself get mistreated by both me and her (because I told myself that I deserved it). Me... I can learn and work on myself and do something about. If she does it... I can teach myself that I deserve better treatment and if she insists on being that way, I need to let her find another whipping boy because I don't deserve it. But it all starts with knowing that I deserve good things and not bad. For some of us, that is a huge step just to say that and it takes a lot of work to get that far and believe it. And that is work that no one else can do for us .

[mantarraya]

I'm not going to the trouble to find the quote here about the lottery, but I don't buy tickets for the lottery either.

I was the originator of the lottery quote. Oddly enough, I have only bought one ticket for the lottery in my life, and that was at the urging of my sisters. Why? Money is not the driving force in my life. I bring quite enough of it home by working. But I am willing to put myself out there in the hope that I can find something special with a guy again. I don't go overboard in what I do, but I do make the eye contact, get out into situations where I can meet someone, etc. I don't expect very much of it to work out, but when it does work out, if ever, it will have been well worth the effort.

[Trimix2dive]

This is very Mars / Venus thing - ain't it.

Edited by Trimix2dive, 24 February 2006 - 11:07 AM.

[mantarraya]

This is very Mars / Venus thing - ain't it.

Yeah, but then aren't most things of this nature?

[Trimix2dive]

Would that make a metrosexual a Marnus ? Because a Manus, minus the M, is something bad.