Honestly, after seeing all of the posts of late about being too hurt and being too afraid to try engaging in a future relationship, I never realized that so many had decided to stop taking chances, permanently avoiding getting involved. As for myself, I would go for it in a second if it meant the chance for what I have always been looking for.
We only have one life, and it would be an awful waste of that life to purposely avoid relationships on the chance that hurt might be involved. I am not talking about carelessly getting involved with somebody. I am talking about at least being out there looking for the real thing.
Go big, or don't go at all!
Post Traumatic Stressed Singles
Started by
ScubaDadMiami
, Feb 15 2006 10:47 AM
69 replies to this topic
#1
ScubaDadMiami
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 10:47 AM
"The most important thing is not to stop questioning." Albert Einstein
"For the diligent diver, closed circuit rebreathers are actually safer than open circuit scuba." Tom Mount
"For the diligent diver, closed circuit rebreathers are actually safer than open circuit scuba." Tom Mount
#2
finley
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 11:33 AM
Honestly, after seeing all of the posts of late about being too hurt and being too afraid to try engaging in a future relationship, I never realized that so many had decided to stop taking chances, permanently avoiding getting involved. As for myself, I would go for it in a second if it meant the chance for what I have always been looking for.
We only have one life, and it would be an awful waste of that life to purposely avoid relationships on the chance that hurt might be involved. I am not talking about carelessly getting involved with somebody. I am talking about at least being out there looking for the real thing.
Go big, or don't go at all!
I'm not avoiding relationships...they are avoiding me...everyone I have met is looking for someone prettier or richer or quicker to "play around' it's all wrapped up in 'the spark just isn't there" after a 45 minute meal I take that to mean the lust....but OK..whatever floats your boat...
who's leading this parade anyway?
#3
Latitude Adjustment
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 12:14 PM
Finley, they are avoiding me too!
After the split I was too busy raising two kids, selling the farm and then buying a home to have a life of my own. By then I'd decided that the next one would have to already be an active diver and we all know how that limits our choices.
After the split I was too busy raising two kids, selling the farm and then buying a home to have a life of my own. By then I'd decided that the next one would have to already be an active diver and we all know how that limits our choices.
I, Latitude Adjustment (insert log in name), do hereby swear, (politely), that I shall not hold SingleDivers, (SD), nor any SD poster, (real or imagined), liable, nor shall I seek legal restitution, (real or imagined), for any perceived, (real or imagined), offenses I may incur, (or Incurrrrrrrrrr on talk like a pirate day), that may or may not be posted on this or any SCUBA related board, (real or imagined), by anyone, (real or imagined), anywhere, (real or imagined). Further, I void any right to privacy, (real or imagined), as it may, or may not relate to any posting, (real or imagined), about me, to me, for me, because of me, all about me, my dog, my cat, my bird, my monkey, my family, (real or imagined), my friends, (real or imagined), or my world, (real or imagined).
By all that is wet, I do hereby swear, (politely), and attest, upon pain of never diving again, (real or imagined), that I understand and affirm, that I agree to the above.
_________________________________________(log in name signature)
Signed and Dated
By all that is wet, I do hereby swear, (politely), and attest, upon pain of never diving again, (real or imagined), that I understand and affirm, that I agree to the above.
_________________________________________(log in name signature)
Signed and Dated
#4
drbill
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 12:26 PM
I am always game to fall in love... just remember, according to scientific research what we too often refer to as "love" is actually a fairly short-term attraction that fades over time. Of course I'd accept "the real thing" if it evolved. Can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket.
#5
Diverbrian
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 12:29 PM
I don't have the "active diver" requirement as of yet. I know too many of our instructors/dive cons/ active divers who are very happily married to non-divers to make that requirement.
But still, I am not avioding relationships as much as waiting for the right one. I've fouled up enough times by not waiting. Now, the key words are patience and more patience. When and if the time and circumstances are right, I will be with her. If they aren't, I am best of learning to be comfortable with myself and making myself an easier person to look at in the mirror every morning (and I am not talking about physical aspects). Either way, things will be the way that they are meant to be.
I have a life that doesn't necessarily thrill me, but is light years improved over a factory worker for our local auto plants with limited skills and is set to lose his/her job even though they have worked their cans off for the last 18 years to a plant closing. I have a house and the chance to go diving whenever I feel like it. I really can't devote the time to a relationship and still do my diving and work 400-500 hrs. of OT per year anyways.
Hopefully, I will be with that person one day. But, it will likely be one of those deals where I have known the woman for years as friends and we mutually decide to take it to dating and then to marriage. This process takes years, not weeks. But it would be the way that things have to happen from now on.
But still, I am not avioding relationships as much as waiting for the right one. I've fouled up enough times by not waiting. Now, the key words are patience and more patience. When and if the time and circumstances are right, I will be with her. If they aren't, I am best of learning to be comfortable with myself and making myself an easier person to look at in the mirror every morning (and I am not talking about physical aspects). Either way, things will be the way that they are meant to be.
I have a life that doesn't necessarily thrill me, but is light years improved over a factory worker for our local auto plants with limited skills and is set to lose his/her job even though they have worked their cans off for the last 18 years to a plant closing. I have a house and the chance to go diving whenever I feel like it. I really can't devote the time to a relationship and still do my diving and work 400-500 hrs. of OT per year anyways.
Hopefully, I will be with that person one day. But, it will likely be one of those deals where I have known the woman for years as friends and we mutually decide to take it to dating and then to marriage. This process takes years, not weeks. But it would be the way that things have to happen from now on.
A person should be judged in this life not by the mistakes that they make nor by the number of them. Rather they are to be judged by their recovery from them.
#6
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 04:12 PM
Honestly, after seeing all of the posts of late about being too hurt and being too afraid to try engaging in a future relationship, I never realized that so many had decided to stop taking chances, permanently avoiding getting involved.
For me, the problem seems to be convincing the woman that I'm not the guy that caused you your heartache--stop lumping me in with him.
Stop thinking that all of my gender are alike. You want to judge me? Do so based on my merits by taking the time and effort to actually get to know me.
Platypusman
Have you seen Platypusman around here? I thought I saw him...
#7
Mitch0129
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 04:50 PM
There is a saying here in Texas ... "When you get thrown off the horse, you get right back on".
I have been let down my share of times but I always put it behind me quickly. You almost have to. You never know when you will meet that special person and it could be when you decided to go to this party or that event instead of staying at home upset over a relationship that had gone bad.
Many of you know I am involved with the Houston rodeo. A few months ago, a buddy called me asking how he can get on a committee. His reasoning, besides knowing that it is a lot of fun, was that he knew it was a good vehicle for meeting women, as he had just broken up with someone at the time. Well, I got him on my committee, in fact, we will serve on the same team.
Wouldn't you know, right after he got on, he met a really nice lady during one of the events that lead up to the show, she is on another rodeo committee They are doing fine. However, if he had not decided to call me and see about getting on the committee, they may have never met.
I know it is hard but when a relationship ends, one had to forget it and move on.
I have been let down my share of times but I always put it behind me quickly. You almost have to. You never know when you will meet that special person and it could be when you decided to go to this party or that event instead of staying at home upset over a relationship that had gone bad.
Many of you know I am involved with the Houston rodeo. A few months ago, a buddy called me asking how he can get on a committee. His reasoning, besides knowing that it is a lot of fun, was that he knew it was a good vehicle for meeting women, as he had just broken up with someone at the time. Well, I got him on my committee, in fact, we will serve on the same team.
Wouldn't you know, right after he got on, he met a really nice lady during one of the events that lead up to the show, she is on another rodeo committee They are doing fine. However, if he had not decided to call me and see about getting on the committee, they may have never met.
I know it is hard but when a relationship ends, one had to forget it and move on.
-Mitch-
#8
Cold_H2O
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 05:00 PM
Never good to be afraid to try again. Might as well just stop living.
Nothing in life comes with the promise that it will work out or always be wonderful.
I plan on living this life. Only one I will get. If that special guy shows up fabulous.
If I spend the rest of my days single. I plan on being just as happy and having just as full of a life.
I don't think that my life is less since I am single.
I don't feel that I am a failure since I have loved and things did not last forever.
Not afraid to try again. Also not willing to accept someone so that I am not alone
Nothing in life comes with the promise that it will work out or always be wonderful.
I plan on living this life. Only one I will get. If that special guy shows up fabulous.
If I spend the rest of my days single. I plan on being just as happy and having just as full of a life.
I don't think that my life is less since I am single.
I don't feel that I am a failure since I have loved and things did not last forever.
Not afraid to try again. Also not willing to accept someone so that I am not alone
Well Behave Women Rarely Make History ~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Formerly known as gis_gal and name tattoo'd for a small bribe!
Formerly known as gis_gal and name tattoo'd for a small bribe!
#9
annasea
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 05:07 PM
Never good to be afraid to try again. Might as well just stop living.
Nothing in life comes with the promise that it will work out or always be wonderful.
I plan on living this life. Only one I will get. If that special guy shows up fabulous.
If I spend the rest of my days single. I plan on being just as happy and having just as full of a life.
I don't think that my life is less since I am single.
I don't feel that I am a failure since I have loved and things did not last forever.
Not afraid to try again. Also not willing to accept someone so that I am not alone
#10
ScubaDadMiami
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 06:15 PM
So far, we are only hearing from people that would be willing participants. What about the ones who say that they have given up, and they don't want to try again?
"The most important thing is not to stop questioning." Albert Einstein
"For the diligent diver, closed circuit rebreathers are actually safer than open circuit scuba." Tom Mount
"For the diligent diver, closed circuit rebreathers are actually safer than open circuit scuba." Tom Mount
#11
Twinklez
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 06:31 PM
You know, the active diver clause does limit the choices, but what wonderful choices they are!Finley, they are avoiding me too!
After the split I was too busy raising two kids, selling the farm and then buying a home to have a life of my own. By then I'd decided that the next one would have to already be an active diver and we all know how that limits our choices.
#12
Twinklez
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 06:36 PM
The question is "Are you the man that can help to heal it?" (and who wants to help)For me, the problem seems to be convincing the woman that I'm not the guy that caused you your heartache--stop lumping me in with him.
No matter how much I'd like to say I can fix my broken heart on my own, I know that I need to meet someone I'm willing to place my trust in and that person has to do their part by validating that I've placed my trust in the right heart for a change. For that it takes two, and both have to be willing to risk.
#13
ScubaDadMiami
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 06:39 PM
You know, the active diver clause does limit the choices, but what wonderful choices they are!. . . I'd decided that the next one would have to already be an active diver and we all know how that limits our choices.
AIDS: Aquatic Induced Divorce Syndrome
"The most important thing is not to stop questioning." Albert Einstein
"For the diligent diver, closed circuit rebreathers are actually safer than open circuit scuba." Tom Mount
"For the diligent diver, closed circuit rebreathers are actually safer than open circuit scuba." Tom Mount
#14
Twinklez
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 06:42 PM
Ditto! Ditto!Never good to be afraid to try again. Might as well just stop living.
Nothing in life comes with the promise that it will work out or always be wonderful.
I plan on living this life. Only one I will get. If that special guy shows up fabulous.
If I spend the rest of my days single. I plan on being just as happy and having just as full of a life.
I don't think that my life is less since I am single.
I don't feel that I am a failure since I have loved and things did not last forever.
Not afraid to try again. Also not willing to accept someone so that I am not alone
Very well said!
The only difference in our thinking here is that I am afraid. But, I am stronger than my fear!
I may dip my toes in one at a time, or take forever getting to know someone before I'm willing to share physical intimacy; but by no means do I plan on sitting on the bench - not even one inning!
Edited by Twinklez, 15 February 2006 - 06:43 PM.
#15
finley
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Posted 15 February 2006 - 09:56 PM
well, in the other (one of the other) threads I said I doubted I would ever get married again...but that doesnt exclude a comitted relationship but then I thinkabout what my previous committed relationships were like and certainly don;t want to do that again...but if I run into someone that accepts me as an individual and all the parts about me (mainly can get past the firefighter thing..yes and I teach too) then we can have many long talks and share many bottles of wine as we share our many thoughts and dreams....then we will see where it goes...until then there is no itSo far, we are only hearing from people that would be willing participants. What about the ones who say that they have given up, and they don't want to try again?
who's leading this parade anyway?
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