Okay, here is another situation I found myself in and thought....Wow I have to ask my single divers about this. Here is the scenario. I have had five dates with one guy, he calls me everyday except for last week. He had his 8 yr old with him for the holidays. I don't intrude when he has his boy. Having said that, this man (lets call him Bob) works weekends alot, has his boy every other weekend, we grabbed time when we could. I haven't seen him in two weeks and we talked last Wednesday and Tuesday night. I go to the club, some of his friends and co-workers were there. I am talking to them having a good time and next thing I know, they won't dance with me. Seems that the boys club thinks I am spoken for and they "won't cross the line." Comments have been made within the last two weeks by a couple of his friends that he is "my guy." And similar comments were made last night. Now would't I know if he was my guy and that we were a couple. I mean maybe these men know something I don't know. As far as I knew we are dating and nothing serious.
So here a question for the guys......do men have a code regarding this situation? And for the ladies, how would you have handled this situation.
Needless to say I was a little confused and frustrated.
Men and their buddy codes
Started by
scubagirl
, Nov 30 2006 12:59 PM
104 replies to this topic
#1
scubagirl
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 12:59 PM
If you can't find the bright side...polish the dull side.
#2
drbill
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 01:21 PM
Well, I'm not great on the dancefloor unless it is a slow dance incorporating a tender bear hug by both parties, a little shuffling of the feet and an occasional kiss.
My take on this is that these are not close friends of yours, but of his. Therefore they might feel a little awkward or hesitant to do things with you that might be misconstrued and get back to the guy you are dating. I generally keep things clearly on the up-and-up with any woman in a committed relationship with another guy unless I know it is clear to her and to him that our relationship is one of friendship (or, on occasion, unrequited lust).
It's all a matter of how the other parties see it. Sounds like there is some unclear communication here (an d I don't mean on your part).
My take on this is that these are not close friends of yours, but of his. Therefore they might feel a little awkward or hesitant to do things with you that might be misconstrued and get back to the guy you are dating. I generally keep things clearly on the up-and-up with any woman in a committed relationship with another guy unless I know it is clear to her and to him that our relationship is one of friendship (or, on occasion, unrequited lust).
It's all a matter of how the other parties see it. Sounds like there is some unclear communication here (an d I don't mean on your part).
#3
Walter
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 01:58 PM
I'll dance with anyone, but I won't make advances on someone if a friend dating her.
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#4
jextract
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 02:10 PM
We could tell you, but we'd have to kill you.... violation of the Boy's Club Code of Secrecy, you know.
Nonetheless, I'll pull the curtain back a tad and give you a peek. Sounds like he likes you since obviously his friends have gotten that info. He could just be busy with stuff right now. You could just give him a call and say "hey, I was just thinking about you" ...
Nonetheless, I'll pull the curtain back a tad and give you a peek. Sounds like he likes you since obviously his friends have gotten that info. He could just be busy with stuff right now. You could just give him a call and say "hey, I was just thinking about you" ...
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#5
Basslet
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 03:56 PM
Awww geeze. It's just dancing for crying out loud. Have these guys graduated high school?
#6
Latitude Adjustment
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 05:53 PM
Maybe they can't dance and it's just an excuse.
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#7
partypimp
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Posted 30 November 2006 - 09:47 PM
Ya know...booze always helps people dance....just an observation
but yea there is a code...i think
but thats a good sign tho...kudos!
but yea there is a code...i think
but thats a good sign tho...kudos!
#8
Moose
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 06:39 AM
Awww geeze. It's just dancing for crying out loud. Have these guys graduated high school?
There is no real "code" to speak of (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!) But I think you would have found it to have been a different situation if "Bob" was there. Even thought it's only dancing, when a buddy is starting a new relationship, his friends aren't going to step on that. Its more of a perseption thing than what their real intensions are (to just dance.)
For more on the rule for dating a girl that your friend broke up with, here is the actual footage...
Moose
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#9
Basslet
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 07:56 AM
That was funny. But once I get on YouTube, I can't stop!Awww geeze. It's just dancing for crying out loud. Have these guys graduated high school?
There is no real "code" to speak of (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!) But I think you would have found it to have been a different situation if "Bob" was there. Even thought it's only dancing, when a buddy is starting a new relationship, his friends aren't going to step on that. Its more of a perseption thing than what their real intensions are (to just dance.)
For more on the rule for dating a girl that your friend broke up with, here is the actual footage...
#10
Scubatooth
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 08:25 AM
There isnt really a code persay, its more like a set of guidelines 
. I know some guys might be willing to share some of the code if the ladies are willing to share some of the "rules". Its only fair. 
. I know some guys might be willing to share some of the code if the ladies are willing to share some of the "rules". Its only fair.
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#11
scubagirl
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 09:34 AM
Alrighty then. Basically there is a code. Got it. That was too funny, the tube thing. Where are the ladies on this one? I have come to one conclusion....dating is difficult....not always wonderful.....and sometimes just too much drama.
If you can't find the bright side...polish the dull side.
#12
Basslet
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 10:49 AM
Yeah. I agree. Sometimes dating is just not worth it.Alrighty then. Basically there is a code. Got it. That was too funny, the tube thing. Where are the ladies on this one? I have come to one conclusion....dating is difficult....not always wonderful.....and sometimes just too much drama.
#13
scubagirl
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 10:52 AM
Now Bob is backing off...go figure. Guess he is freaking out, isn't that what you guys do when you start to freak out?
Yeah. I agree. Sometimes dating is just not worth it.Alrighty then. Basically there is a code. Got it. That was too funny, the tube thing. Where are the ladies on this one? I have come to one conclusion....dating is difficult....not always wonderful.....and sometimes just too much drama.
If you can't find the bright side...polish the dull side.
#14
Walter
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 11:00 AM
How do you know he's backing off?
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#15
Diverbrian
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Posted 01 December 2006 - 11:35 AM
I've read some good tips in here. On of the things that I noticed is that around here that most men won't approach a woman in any way that can be miscontrued if their buddy is not present. Most people don't like to have a situation were maybe someone told some something and they aren't any real accurate witnesses.
I am not a big dancer, so I can't speak for that scene. Like Dr. Bill, my preferred form of dancing is best done with slow music and a lady right next to me. In places that I have been at in the past, I have been known to dance with attached women that I know and their significant other is present. Normally, the guy is not interested in dancing with her on every slow song in that situation and she just wants to go out on the dance floor. But, I make every attempt to be a gentleman in that situation.
If the boyfriend is not around, see the first paragraph. Stories at work can get vicious and I don't need that grief.
You are right. Dating is a pain. But, it can fun as well
.
I am not a big dancer, so I can't speak for that scene. Like Dr. Bill, my preferred form of dancing is best done with slow music and a lady right next to me. In places that I have been at in the past, I have been known to dance with attached women that I know and their significant other is present. Normally, the guy is not interested in dancing with her on every slow song in that situation and she just wants to go out on the dance floor. But, I make every attempt to be a gentleman in that situation.
If the boyfriend is not around, see the first paragraph. Stories at work can get vicious and I don't need that grief.
You are right. Dating is a pain. But, it can fun as well
.
A person should be judged in this life not by the mistakes that they make nor by the number of them. Rather they are to be judged by their recovery from them.
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