33 replies to this topic

[Twinklez]

I think I'd tend to be a little leary even if she did call. It only takes 5 minutes for a phone call so no reason for her not to respond previously. Be careful you're not getting strung along to be someone's filler material between the new samples; or just to make her feel good knowing someone is out there waiting on her whim. It's an ugly practice, but it happens and is not gender specific.

[Moose]

I think I'd tend to be a little leary even if she did call. It only takes 5 minutes for a phone call so no reason for her not to respond previously. Be careful you're not getting strung along to be someone's filler material between the new samples; or just to make her feel good knowing someone is out there waiting on her whim. It's an ugly practice, but it happens and is not gender specific.

This is great advice! I know it's hard to not let this happen, especially since it seems like finding someone you can connect with is few and far between. It's hard to walk away before you really know if it would work.

But as long as you don't stop living your life waiting for her, things should be fine. Go out, dance, have a drink with friends, or just start chatting with the bloak at the end of the bar.

***Note this is coming from a single, never been married, guy, who just last night considered going "gay" to get a discount at the LDS (Local dive shop!) (not really, but after my N-teenth 'half a G bill' there, I did ask if I would get a discount if I did)

[WreckWench]

I think I'd tend to be a little leary even if she did call. It only takes 5 minutes for a phone call so no reason for her not to respond previously. Be careful you're not getting strung along to be someone's filler material between the new samples; or just to make her feel good knowing someone is out there waiting on her whim. It's an ugly practice, but it happens and is not gender specific.

Tina is spot on! Its the same way of saying a signature line I saw one of our members use:

Never make someone a priority in your life who has only made you an option in theirs!

We all do it to some extent. Some more than others. When Walter says tease, flirt, then move on...he means don't wait around for something that most likely will not happen. Trust me...if something someone wants starts to leave...they will pull it back if they want it. Or they know where to find you if they later decide differently.

Go to the next gal that interests you and see where that goes. Don't put all your eggs in one basket...UNTIL...

Never make someone a priority in your life who has only made you an option in theirs!

[WreckWench]

she liked one of my pictures online and we replyed back a million times that night and met a couple hours later; so its only physically been one evening.

Were you a boyscout? And if not did you ever learn to start a fire with only twigs, bits of paper, dry pine needles etc? If not familar, the process is like this:

1. Gather small bits of paper, dry moss, dry pine needles...basically anything that will combust very easily when you light a match to it.

2. Once the fire is going slowly add tiny twigs that will burn with the small amount of heat generated from the small amount of kindling you had.

3. Keep adding very small twigs until you have enough of a flame to add slightly larger twigs. Keep adding slightly bigger and bigger twigs until you have a full fire going and then add bigger and bigger fuel until you have a very strong fire going that will sustain itself.

Now for anyone who has ever built a fire like this you know that if you dump a big log on it right away it will not burn. You also know that if you give it too much fuel (in this case twigs and branches) that it will not burn.

So what does this have to do with Jeff?

Well Jeff...meeting someone online is like building a fire from scratch. You need to very very slowly give it fuel so that it is not 'spent' too early. By feeding the fire a little at a time you ensure that it keeps growing. Relationships are the same...

She sees your picture and she is interested...think bits of kindling here ready to get ignited...then you and she start talking...the spark has been ignited...you start building the fire slowly and then quicker and quicker over the million emails and finally too quickly when you meet her in person all in the same night...

POOF! The flame has now either gone out or has dwindled to the point where she is not burning anymore. Too much too soon. You want to get some excitement going and THEN back off to make sure that what you've given is burning good and hot so you can add more fuel and repeat the process. In other words the 'million emails should have been spread out over several days and the meeting in person later in the week...that ensures that you don't exhaust the fuel supply too soon and the fire has a chance to keep burning.

Now don't get me wrong...its fun for a night but then you think you have the person all figured out or you are now captured by the next spark coming your way via email and you start the process over. Most likely that is why she said she wanted to be friends. OR perhaps you aren't that compatible and she could see it. But I think the primary reason is that you did not space the fuel you gave the fire and it burned out as quickly as it started.

[jextract]

Or alternatively you can use a pound of Zirconium Potassium Perchlorate, a gallon of BBQ lighter fluid, and an acetylene torch.

Beats waiting around for the pine cones to catch.

[Walter]

It's great having you around, Jamie!

[drbill]

Hmmm... WW's method sounds like we're in Salem MA burning witches at the stake!

Jamie... good to see you surface! You've been "down" too long.

[WreckWench]

Or alternatively you can use a pound of Zirconium Potassium Perchlorate, a gallon of BBQ lighter fluid, and an acetylene torch.

Beats waiting around for the pine cones to catch.

Hmm I'm thinking this is how he must of gotten his beautiful wife!

to have you back Jexy! -ww

[jextract]

Nice to be back for a bit. The company for which I'm consulting is in the middle of the annual operating plan, which is pretty much the main reason why they keep the little green men coming my way. Bad news is I don't get to come here and goof off with you all too much; good news is ... the mortgage gets paid!

And yes, that's exactly how I got my sweet little wife!

[Twinklez]

I think I'd tend to be a little leary even if she did call. It only takes 5 minutes for a phone call so no reason for her not to respond previously. Be careful you're not getting strung along to be someone's filler material between the new samples; or just to make her feel good knowing someone is out there waiting on her whim. It's an ugly practice, but it happens and is not gender specific.

This is great advice! I know it's hard to not let this happen, especially since it seems like finding someone you can connect with is few and far between. It's hard to walk away before you really know if it would work.

But as long as you don't stop living your life waiting for her, things should be fine. Go out, dance, have a drink with friends, or just start chatting with the bloak at the end of the bar.

Moose,

Trust me on this: If you're waiting around to see if it will work with her, you've already waited too long. Her actions have indicated that you're filler material. On the other hand, if all you're looking for is someone to occasionally spend a few dollars on for dinner and a movie then by all means hang around and wait!

I recently went through something kind of similar to your experience. I am probably the lonliest woman I know, but I had enough sense to delete his number from my cell and his email from my computer so I could never try to contact him again. After 3 or 4 dates I figured he had a pretty good idea whether or not I was a potential keeper or just filler material. When he started not returning calls, or taking several days to return a call, I realized that he just wasn't all that interested. If he should call again I'll enjoy saying hello, but I won't entertain the idea of another date.

I'm not a sample for someone's plate. I'm not going to be entertainment during the matinee. I don't want to be the appetizer for the main course. I'll not allow myself to be someone's compromise when no one else is available.

[annasea]

<snip> I'll not allow myself to be someone's compromise when no one else is available.

[Brinybay]

...
Now for anyone who has ever built a fire like this you know that if you dump a big log on it right away it will not burn. You also know that if you give it too much fuel (in this case twigs and branches) that it will not burn.

So what does this have to do with Jeff?

You're saying Jeff has a (ahem!) big log?

[drbill]

I'll not allow myself to be someone's compromise when no one else is available.

But, dear Tina... life is about compromises. I'd consider it... if there are no other alternatives. Just teasing ya my dear.

[jeff]

Thank you everybody

She did email back, and has been returning emails rather quickly. The plan now is church and breakfast on sunday morning.

Yes I was a boy scout, I got my eagle at 13 yrs old. Out here in Oregon the oak leaves are always wet though, must be why I am so bad with girls.

I haven't been with anyone for three years, so another week or so is not going to hurt that much.

And about the big log...I am Norwegian

thanks again, it means alot

[Twinklez]

And about the big log...I am Norwegian

TMI!

"Been with"?

Church and breakfast and that means your "been with" status will change in a week?

I would think you had meant you hadn't been "in the company of", except you've already shared that you did have one date with her just a little while back. In that sense I guess it hasn't been all that long since you've "been with." Today, however, the term "been with" most often has another meaning.

Jeff, your Norwegian log may make her smile a time or two, but it's certainly not what's going to keep her returning your calls. Maybe you should consider whether the qualities of the man weilding the log - she will. The days of the Viking are long since past.

Edited by Twinklez, 13 January 2007 - 08:18 AM.