57 replies to this topic

[cmt489]

To me, a real man is someone who is comfotable enough with himself to be himself but considerate enough of me to take my needs and wants into consideration without feeling threatened. A real man does not need to define his success by being more successful than the woman in his life. A real man is competent to recognize a problem and realize that it needs to be fixed before it becomes a disaster. A real man is not afraid to say he is sorry but will stand up for himself when he believes in his position. A real man is comfortable enough with his own sexuality to not be a homophobe or feel a need to dominate women. A real man just is...

[mantarraya]

I don't know that I agree. I think men are VERY communicative about what we like, and don't like. And what we desire in the women we choose to date. Where it falls down, is that we are often discouraged from articulting those desires by women. Our comments are viewed as sexist, shallow, unfair, etc. If, in mixed company, a man walks by and a woman at the table comments that he has a "nice ass", its a giggle for all the women. If a woman walks past and a man makes the same comment, he's sexist.

I think it would be ill-advised for any man to make a comment such as that about a female passer-by in front of a woman he didn't know that well, but wanted to attract. Likely, a woman making a comment such as that about a male passer-by in your presence likely means she is not interested in attracting you....In this case, it is less about communication than respect - at least that is how I see it.

I think if we are to improve communication between the sexes, women are going to actually have to LISTEN to what the guys are saying, and the men are going to have to ask things and need to be able to get a real answer and not a sarcastic remark, or a vague response.

Yes, but if what you are interested in communicating is that you like a woman with a nice ass, it's not like the women in your llistening audience can just go out to the store and get one overnight in hopes of winning your affection. So, communicating that particular preference is not that productive. You would be much better advised in conveying to a woman whose ass you had admired and was hoping to get to know more intimately that you liked THAT woman's ass - not the ass of some other woman. So perhaps what is needed is better DIRECTED communication.

Edited by mantarraya, 12 February 2007 - 11:45 AM.

[nurseshark]

Moose...

I couldnt have written a better "list" myself..but
I hate lists...
Why do we have to have lists that categorizes the "perfect" man?
That leads one to believe that someone must then fit/complete a checklist..
Which in turn may lead you to miss that "perfect man" or SO because they feel they cant meet the preconcieved expectations

Take Mooses' list and add DIVER and that seems pretty fabulous to me!
At this point..breathing- male- diver seems pretty good to me

[drbill]

Why is it that the vast majority of things that make women happiest, seem to be "undefinable, or indescribable", but yet they expect men to not only be able to do them, but also to know when to do them and when they aren't doing it quite right?

I've always found this quite curious.

Another curiousity to me is that women invariable describe men as poor communicators in relationships, yet when men ask things like, "What's wrong?" the answer is often nothing, yet the woman expects the man to ignore this answer, *search his heart and mind*, figure out what's wrong, and then fix it.

Clearly these are stereotypes, but they are born of real scenarios played out in tens of thousands of relationships.

Unfortunately, there is much truth in this. Like Perrone Ford said, women often (but not always) communicate in nebulous terms that do not give our dense minds a clue as to what they are thinking. This is one reason I don't date a lot, but relish a woman who can communicate clearly... at least in a language we men understand.

Why is this? We cannot interpret what you are thinking ladies, unless you are able to verbalize it clearly.

Then, again... there are those women who communicate very clearly what they do... and do NOT want. I've been fortunate with some of the former, and struck out with all of the latter (tee hee).

Edited by drbill, 12 February 2007 - 12:18 PM.

[shadragon]

To me, a real man is someone who is comfotable enough with himself to be himself but considerate enough of me to take my needs and wants into consideration without feeling threatened. A real man does not need to define his success by being more successful than the woman in his life. A real man is competent to recognize a problem and realize that it needs to be fixed before it becomes a disaster. A real man is not afraid to say he is sorry but will stand up for himself when he believes in his position. A real man is comfortable enough with his own sexuality to not be a homophobe or feel a need to dominate women. A real man just is...

OK, for some strange reason I find myself looking up flight schedules for heading out West...

[shadragon]

Why is this? We cannot interpret what you are thinking ladies, unless you are able to verbalize it clearly.

Let's just wait for the Wench to get back... She will tell us what to think...

[cmt489]

I don't know that I agree. I think men are VERY communicative about what we like, and don't like. And what we desire in the women we choose to date. Where it falls down, is that we are often discouraged from articulting those desires by women. Our comments are viewed as sexist, shallow, unfair, etc. If, in mixed company, a man walks by and a woman at the table comments that he has a "nice ass", its a giggle for all the women. If a woman walks past and a man makes the same comment, he's sexist.

It depends on the delivery and both men and women can be sexist. Saying "Nice ass", well, that is sexist from either gender but an appreciative glance of tasteful comment, well, that is totally different. Hell, I work hard on keeping my ass in shape. I appreciate when it is noticed!

[jonjon]

Hell, I work hard on keeping my ass in shape. I appreciate when it is noticed!

Could you show us your ass please, we would apprecate it and shower you with compliments!!
A nice bikini shot would do!

[mantarraya]

My SO is very good at communicating to me that he likes my ass, and is wise enough to keep quiet about other womens' asses, other than perhaps feigning (very well) no more than an academic interest in other womens' asses. Hence, he remains my SO.....

[PerroneFord]

[He] is enough to keep quiet about other womens' asses, other than perhaps feigning (very well) no more than an academic interest in other womens' asses. Hence, he remains my SO.....

Why is this necessary? Is it wrong that our SO's look at, or comment on the physical attractiveness of others? Does this mean they appreciate us less? Most of my former GF's would point out attractive women to me and we both commented on things. It was never a point of contention.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong in appreciating beauty in all it's forms. As long as he or she is taking care of things at home, and providing love, why should it matter?

[mantarraya]

Personally, I don't see anything wrong in appreciating beauty in all it's forms. As long as he or she is taking care of things at home, and providing love, why should it matter?

I agree that it shouldn't, and I must admit that it doesn't bother me much unless the admiration is stated in such a way that is is deprecating to me or is too much of a habit. I have seen men make comments about other women in front of their GFs/wives that make me cringe in that they are obvious put-downs of their mates. You can literally feel the pain of those women. Again, it is about respect...respecting your mate's feelings. Academic interest/admiration is one thing, but when it is done to excess or as a put-down, ick.

It goes back to the comment I made earlier about a real man being one who can make a woman feel like a real woman. A woman feels most special when she feels her man thinks she (and her ass) are the most beautiful to him. Being habitually and overly enthustiastic in being vocal about admiring other women, especially when done in certain ways, is not necessarily the best way to make a woman feel beautiful and special. Likewise, a woman being habitually vocal about admiring other men is not likely to go much towards making a man feel special and important.

Edited by mantarraya, 12 February 2007 - 04:04 PM.

[cmt489]

Could you show us your ass please, we would apprecate it and shower you with compliments!!
A nice bikini shot would do!

Sorry, none available unless underwater photos with a wetsuit on count...

[drbill]

Although a "pretty ass" may attract my attention, it gives me little understanding of the content of the woman's character or her ability to conduct a meaningful conversation. If I am with a woman already, it's because she possesses a "pretty ass" and, more imprtantly, displays the other two attributes.

The grass is rarely "greener" on the other side of the fence, so I'm happy to stick with the woman I'm with and know, rather than some pretty packaging that might be devoid of content (and this IS southern California so it is highly likely for both genders that this is the case).

[Tolly]

Well, I hear "What an ass!" quite often when I walk by a group of women...

sadly, I don't think it's a compliment...

[annasea]

Well, I hear "What an ass!" quite often when I walk by a group of women...

sadly, I don't think it's a compliment...

LOL!