91 replies to this topic

[Diverlady]

Has anyone actually met anyone they started chatting with through instant messaging or found on the internet?
The reason I'm asking is some of us who attended the Coz trip are now available through instant messaging. I just loaded Yahoo on my work PC yesterday as I found I just wasn't using it at home. I had a nice little chat with a couple of my new friends from the trip, but within a couple of hours I was contacted by someone not from our trip. This person found me through a search (I'm assuming SCUBA was the criteria) of Yahoo. So, that got me thinking about this whole internet thing. I figured I should probably know a little more about what I'm logged into so I did some exploratory surfing last night and found thousands of personal ads available for my perusal. Wow! I had no idea!! (I lead such a sheltered life!) So, in light of the fact that there is no possible way to know if any of the info or the pic is actually correct for each person, do people actually meet up with people they met through the internet?? Honestly, it sounds a bit unsettling to me!!
On the other hand, I did meet Wreck Wench through the internet and signed up for her trip and that was a fantastic thing!! And from there, I've been using the internet to keep in touch with those I met on that trip. But, do you think it's wise to meet up with someone you've met from a general chatroom or through instant messaging?

Diverlady

[Walter]

Yes, people meet through the internet all the time. I've personally met hundreds of divers via the internet. Most of my dive buddies (and some of my closest friends) today are people I met on line.

Most people are sincere and honest with how the represent themselves. OTOH, there are dangers, especially for women, with meeting people online. I'm planning to write about safety issues soon.

A few points to keep in mind:

Always meet in a public place.

Meeting groups is safer than meeting one person.

References are a great idea. If you can talk to someone who has met the person, it will give you a much better idea of what they are truly like.

Get to know someone via PM's, e-mails, etc. before meeting. While people can and do misrepresent themselves, you are more likely to get a more accurate impression of a person over time.

In many ways, meeting someone on line is like meeting someone in a bar - you don't really know anything about the person and you must be cautious. Keep in mind, you have to look out for your safety. If you don't feel comfortable, don't meet the person.

On the bright side, I know two happily married couples who met on dive websites.

[SuperDave]

I have had good and bad experiences with online "friends". Some have been a one date thing while others have lead into great friendships. It still amazes me how some people will meet anywhere without knowing anything about the other party. I myself am guilty of that. Drove to Glacier Park to meet some folks for a weekend trip having never met them before. They could have been DIR people for all I know.
It's kind of scary to think that a predator could easily lure someone into a situation with ill intent. Many women I have dated had no idea about me but would still meet somewhere less than secure.
Like Walter is getting at be safe. Always let someone know that you are meeting another party, give them as much info as you can get, and make sure they call to make sure you have returned home.

Dave

[Dejah]

I totally agree with all of you on being careful meeting someone from the internet. I myself have met several through various ways, but I've always been careful to meet them in a public place where there would be more than just that person around. Nowdays you can never tell about some people, but you have to use your own judgement and make sure you talk with that person for a while before making that move.

[ZenKim]

I agree with all of the above DiverLady. If you meet, be very safe and make it a public place the first few times. Better safe than sorry!

ZenKim

[Divegirl412]

DL, have met several people through the internet and otherwise (including all of you Coz buddies ). Every one so far has been fine.However, I would add some things to Walter's list of dos and don'ts:

1. Never give out your home or work number or address until after meeting and feeling comfortable with the person... even if that takes 3 or 4 dates. You can be traced using that info (reverse directory look up etc). Always use a cell phone as the initial contact #. If you do call from home, block your home number frm the receipient's caller ID.

2. If meeting the individual, always meet somewhere public, never at your home, and give 1 or 2 friends all the info you have about the person you are meeting, including where, when you are meeting and when you expect to be home. I always make sure to talk to one of my friends after the date to confirm I am home safe. If I don't call, they call me-- we all know the drill. That way, if I don't call, and they can't reach me, they will know to raise an alarm. I even have my friends (usually 2 or 3 of them call me DURING the date. Very brief call. When I hang up, I just casually say "that was my friend checking up on me". No one I met has ever been offended, and if they had any ideas of keeping me as a trophy, hopefully that puts paid to the idea.

3. Never meet without speaking to the person. Talking can give you an incredible amount of info about someone's thought processes and vibes.

4. Never, never, never let yourself be pressured or bullied. If someone is demanding exclusive rights after talking a few times or meeting you once, run far away!!!! That is a controlling person, and that can progress to abuse, verbal, emotional and even physical. Believe me, I know (professional, not personal experience.... actually personal too, but I told them to git really early!)

5. Use common sense. Trust your intuition. Meeting people on the internet is really no different from meeting people at the grocery store or even church (if you attend!! Anyone can lie anywhere. Be sensible and listen and watch for cues and clues no matter where you met the person.

Enough for now, I hate typing... thank God for phones .

DG

[VaScubaGirl]

Hey Diver Lady! I have had great experiences meeting up with people from the internet to dive with...just think I met you via the internet! I've also met Dandy Don, Wreck Wench, Bradford NC, and a few others...all great experiences. But I am very careful...I don't give my last name, phone number, or address to them until after I have gotten to know them well. When I have met them on dive trips, I have met them in public areas and they don't know where my hotel is. I have people who know where I am going and who I am meeting, their phone numbers, contact info etc. Don't put yourself in a situation where they could take advantage of you (should they be that type) and be careful. Trust your instincts, take precautions, stay in public areas, and you'll be fine. While there are people out there who would do you harm, the vast majority are good people that just want to make some new friends, find a new dive buddy, etc.

[medic13]

Wish I could say that, my self most time just too dang BUSY. With work and diving
This year I have all ready started working on my dive trips with next one being to cozumel in April 10th -17th.
Is my first time there so looking forward to it?
As far as wreck diving I live for it, I just recently purchased a digital camera to use working on funds for the strobes next.
I don’t see many people on this board from Nc but still its has some great Diving even if its does seem like its a hit or miss with the weather conditions.
From looking at my log I say about 50%. Anyway you all have fun and dive safe whoo just got off this Saturday heading to the ocean!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WreckWench]

Hey Medic 13...welcome to SingleDivers.com!! Please do an intro or hello from the New to Single Divers section! Glad you found us!!! ww

[Diverlady]

Hey Diver Lady! I have had great experiences meeting up with people from the internet to dive with...just think I met you via the internet! I've also met Dandy Don, Wreck Wench, Bradford NC, and a few others...all great experiences.

Well exactly, VaScubaGirl!! So far my internet meeting of people has been fabulous!! I met everyone on the Coz trip plus a few local divers.

So far, so good!!

Diverlady

[coppermaus]

I've met up with a couple people from singles websites, and both times were fine. Spent some time researching them on the internet first, and other places (I've got connections) to be sure they were who they said they were. Almost everyone can be found on the internet in one way or another, tho John Smith might be impossible.

OTOH, the creepy guys usually can't contain their creepiness long enough to win a meeting. A guy sent me a instant message just yesterday saying "Hi there. I'm watching you. Very disappointed that you're wearing clothes. JUST KIDDING!"

I said, "You know what Freud said about jokes. Later, Loser. JUST KIDDING!" and blocked him from future messaging. If only all creeps were that obvious!

[Diverlady]

A guy sent me a instant message just yesterday saying "Hi there. I'm watching you. Very disappointed that you're wearing clothes. JUST KIDDING!"

What a complete ***hole!!

Smart move blocking him.

Diverlady

[Walter]

Coppermaus,

That's an excellent point. Often people you don't want to meet will make it obvious. Trust your gut. Others will be harder to detect. The vast majority are decent people, but don't turn off the creep detectors.

Walter

[scubahoney]

Great advice guys. i've met 2 people form the internet. Restaurants are usually a very safe bet. I even told my waiter that I was meeting a guy that I had never met before. Also, I agree with making sure someone knows where you are going and when you intend to be back. If you ever question what the person's intentions are, don't risk it...it won't be worth it.

[drbill]

You mean there are OTHER ways of meeting people besides the Internet?

Seriously, I've met a few women via Internet dating sites. All of them were nice (we did some mutual pre-screening ahead of time). Only one remained a friend for any length of time.

Walter has some good advice to consider.

Dr. B.