91 replies to this topic

[scubahoney]

Yeah, but I think most women are out to honestly meet someone. With the guys, (no offense SD.com men), but it can be hard to tell what they are after. You have to be a lot more cautious meeting the guys than the gals.

[drbill]

From a man's perspective I could say the same about some of the women on Internet dating sites (not SD of course). Honest and clear communication is not always easy via the Internet.

Dr. B.

[scubahoney]

True, I agree that women are just as questionable as guys sometimes...just overall..men tend to be the more dangerous internet species.

[WreckWench]

True, I agree that women are just as questionable as guys sometimes...just overall..men tend to be the more dangerous internet species.

Both sexes (HOPEFULLY NOT ON SD) have a hard time communicating what they want...what they mean and what they REALLY mean. Its easy to be your alterego or naughty twin online and very easy to accidently give the impression that you are loose or easy or horney or desparate when in fact you are merely teasing or just flirting.

Men can accidently give the impression of being too heavy...desparate...or scary when in fact they are only trying to be funny or witty.

Now complicate this further with people who prey on all the above and the internet is NOT a safe place unless you take ALL the proper precautions.

Having said that...no place is safe...not even SD so please be prudent. If you will notice we made an entire forum for this subject as we want people to be EXTREMELY careful and in particular on our site.

So having said that...girls...be mindful of your teasing...I see a LOT of men on this site showing a tremendous amount of self restraint to not overreact to some VERY playful posts. KUDOS guys for doing a great job!!

Women...I've seen several of you start to think twice about your posts and to tone it down...THANK YOU!!!! .....the guys can only handle so much so let's NOT overdue it!

To everyone....be mindful of that fact that our site is different and is especially tantalizing for new people who just discover us. Let them get some of it out of their system and we hope that they will also be careful in realizing that our posts are in fun and are not meant to be taken seriously. HOWEVER....everyone must realize that ANYTHING they post will most likely be taken very seriously so DON'T POST THINGS YOU AREN'T READY ABLE AND WILLING TO LIVE UP TOO!!!

And if you do post some wild stuff and you are up to it...then think TWICE about it because we don't want to have to enforce a lot of censoring on the site which is what we'll have to do if you get too carried away.

Now keep the good ideas flowing on how to keep our site safe and internet dating, meeting etc. safe for everyone as well!! -ww

[DivingGal]

Good advice WW...

I have met quite a number of folks after chatting up a storm on the Internet.

Most strickly for diving... sort of "let's meet at dive site XYZ, I'll have balloons on the car" we dive and that's all.

Some people have turned into really great friends, some should be drummed out of the gene pool.

Turst your gut instincts, if it feels ucky... run away!

[scubahoney]

Trst your gut instincts, if it feels ucky... run away!

No other advice will be as important as those few little words.

[drbill]

Agree with WW. I rely on phone and face-to-face conversations to assess a person. The Internet allows us to encounter many more people that we might not otherwise meet, and to filter people based on our personal criteria (like "diver").

For example, from my posts you might get the impression that I'm horny, desperate, etc. You're right... NOT! These are things that are easily satisfied in a resort town like Avalon. However, I don't indulge in superficial relationships despite the banter. And I am one of those strange men (I think others abound here on SD, especially the likes of Walter) who really enjoy having women as close friends. Many local women would ask me to dance with them at the local club. I asked several why and they all said because I'm "safe" (sniff) and didn't resort to cheap thrills. I've got to do something about that reputation!!!

I know I can be very shy when it comes to opening up to a woman I don't know. I seem to be getting out of that shell recently, since I've started introducing myself to more of the lady divers there. Once I have an entree though I am very open and communicative and have made many friends despite my initial shyness.

You can be surprised at the behavior of people you know "well." People you have spent time with doing things of common interest. Remember 'Chie's posting about her drunken male fiend (er, was it friend?). Of course a newcomer into your sphere can exhibit unexpected behavior as well.

I think I need to get wet now.

Dr. B.

Edited by drbill, 07 May 2004 - 11:59 AM.

[jextract]

Being somewhat of a battle-scarred veteran of the internet dating world, here are some of my random observations. Disclaimer: Don't consider this a broad-brush generalization, these are merely my experiences.

There are a lot of really nice women who are looking for solid relationships and are using the Net as a means to that end. That percentage, however, seems painfully short of 100%.

I would say that at least a third of the women I've met do not look like their photos. My best friend (significantly more jaded than I) refers to this as the "older/fatter" syndrome. I have met a couple of women who admitted that their pictures were eight- and ten-years old, respectively. One had the nerve to try to justify it by saying "But I look just the same!". Now I don't care who you are or who your plastic surgeon is or if you sleep in a vat of formaldehyde, you don't look like you did ten years ago. There were a couple others who I literally did not even recognize. My best friend and I have drawn up some general rules we use to screen profiles. I'm happy to share if there is an interest.

There are a number of women who are just interested in power dating, seeing how many dates they can line up in a week. I don't know if it's that they are interested in seeing how many free dinners they can score at nice restaurants or whatever, but it is a disheartening number.

There are a significant number of women who drag emotional baggage from relationship to relationship. I'm not your dad, your brother, or your ex, and I refuse to date them in your head.

There are a few who are just downright crazy. I've had to go to the police on one of them and started the process for a restraining order before she left me alone.

Other's experiences?

[WreckWench]

Excellent insight Jaime....I too have some pretty wild stories about the ex-con's I've met in person from the net and the large number of men who post pics 10 years old and now have NO hair etc. As a result I pretty much have resorted to making them go diving with me instead. I'm sure a weirdo or two might slip in but after paying what we have to pay for dive trips...it sure seems to weed them out! And after I made a firm rule...no dating of non-divers...that sorta minimized my issues as well.

I call it Natural Narcosis Selection....if we can get wet together....we may do many things together! But the high on land has to equal that in the water!!!

[Walter]

Most of the people I've met on line and then later met in person were very much what I expected.

This includes, but is not limited to: blueangel, ColdWaterSmurf, Den, Diverbrian, drbill, HDrider, hydrophilicity, ncladydiver, OHDiver, sapphire, scuba_jenny, sea nmf, and WreckWench.

Bbyctcher, Blondie, Divegirlzoe, KBScarlett, mamm, Marvel, and Sharon I met first in person.

[GentDiver]

I have had mixed results by meeting people with the internet. I have a great group of friends that I met that way, but I have also met some real losers. Stick with public places and be sure that you have chatted with them for a while before you meet (you can usually get a good feeling for someone that way).

[nextariel]

WOW. I'm very glad most of you have had good experiences meeting people through the Internet. I think (hope) the people chatting here are all very passionate about diving and are portraying themselves as they really are. I am looking forward to meeting Walter and Marvel at Ocean Fest and don’t have any worries about their characters.
I can sadly say I spent 2 1/2 years on 2 different Internet 'dating' sites. I kept thinking there had to be someone out there that was honest and was looking for what I was in a relationship. Unfortunately, I can tell you of many disappointments, lots of disillusionment, and lots of lies. Do you know guys lie about their age (shaving off 15 years) and posting photos from high school I think. Yes, I know it works the other way also. I learned my description of honesty is much different than others. In a positive note, I learned a lot about myself and where I’m willing to compromise. Oh well, I digress and no I’m not going to post on the ‘Wanted in a Dive Buddy’ thread.
Yes, always meet in public place and don’t give out your home phone. You can call them using *67 to block your number. I found it better to talk on the phone before meeting.

Edited by nextariel, 07 May 2004 - 06:49 PM.

[Marvel]

Like Scott, and many of you, I've had mixed success on line & actually don't really consider it worth the effort for the most part- it's so hard to judge people on line & there are a lot of strange or, at least, socially enept people out there. I have rarely even gotten as far as meeting someone in person but I did have one relationship develop from an online encounter. I actually think that this site is a better venue because we all interact openly among one another.
Sure, we all present a facade to the world- that happens whether or not the initial contact is on line or in person. However, personalities, attitudes, tastes, & values do seep through our posts over time. Many of us have, or are going to, meet up with one another in group settings which will allow us to get to know each other a little more. From there, each of us can decide if we want to pursue more. Either way, I suspect we will all have a great time diving & hanging together & some lasting friendships are already in the proccess of forming. Plus, there's always PM'ing!! :anna:

[drbill]

I guess I've been fortunate that none of the women I met from dating sites were serial killers (although I did meet one who might be considered a rapist). Most of them were nice folks, generally the real life person was pretty consistent with the pix, and the personalities matched their own descriptions (not always easy to do).

I had one actually just show up on my doorstep one Friday night. We had spoken several times on the phone and felt very comfortable with each other. However, I didn't expect her to just show up (especially on an island with no boats back until the following morning). I was pleasantly surprised and we had a nice weekend together and kept in touch by phone (and I visited her) until just recently. Unfortunately she has "disappeared." At least her e-mail addy and phone number are no longer good. I think she went back to China (she'd lived in the West for 10 years). I wish she hadn't (although she wasn't a diver I thoroughly enjoyed talking with her about our two countries).

As I mentioned earlier, living on an island does not always make it easy to meet women. I've never been one to "pick up" someone. Need a more casual opportunity to talk and get to know someone first.

Dr. B.

[scubahoney]

I think I'm going to stick to dating divers only from now own. If it works for WW, then it's good enough for me. Besides, it's no fun going on these amazing trips with your SO so they can just kinda stand around and wait for you to surface.