35 replies to this topic

[Starfish Sandy]

Not sure who really needs the prayers......my son or me - so that I don't kill him! My son was born with transposition of the great arteries - had open heart surgery at 12 weeks - and is a strapping 18 y/o boy - who has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure - since turning 18 - he has become invinsible - doesn't need to take his meds - drinking - a few weeks ago he was in the e/r with a heart rate of 222 - they stopped his heart 3 times before the rate would drop - I thought that might scare him enough to straighten up - it happened again this week - he confessed to the heart doc he's not taking his meds - no reason - just not - the doc told him he can pick out his casket now to save time - I need some higher help and would appreciate the extra prayers and open to any suggestions that might help. (and a few hugs for mom please)

Sandy

[TheSassyRabbit]

Wow Sandy - that must have been a very scary experience for you (and with any luck, for your son). I'm not sure that I have the ideal words of wisdom for you in this situation; it's a tough call - he's not a child that you can watch over each moment, nor is he really the invincible adult he would like to think he is. In the mean time though I wanted to send you an e-hug and let you know that you and your son are in my prayers! Please keep us posted (and thanks for reaching out!)

[Diverbrian]

Hate to say it, but didn't we all think that we are invincible at that age?

Be thankful for the days that you have already received with him. I can almost guarantee you that if this had been ten years earlier with CHF, you would not have as long as you have had. Use this to remind you and your son that every day is precious.

Oh, and hope that he gets it through his head that he needs to take care of himself. Hugs!

Brian

[texasmermaid]

Oh Sandy - I am sorry to hear about your son. I hope he will straighten up and fly right soon. Don't know anything to suggest, but and I can do! I'll be thinking about you!

[WreckWench]

Sandy you are in my prayers. So take your doc's advice. Set up an appt to go and pick out a casket with your son. He will ask why and you tell him that not taking his meds is suicide so you want him to help with the arrangements since he is the one courting the danger. Keep calm about it and matter of fact. I would then ask him to write up a will so you can know how he wants his belongings dispersed. Afteall, if he did depart you'd have to know all of this and you might as well know rather then guess. You can then suggest any other courses of 'tough' love that you can but perhaps by putting things into perspective for him...he will see the fallacy of his ways.

And I will pray that YOU have the courage to stand your ground and do what the doctor ordered. -ww

[fbp]

Yah,
I agree with WW....
He's old enough now to run his life, all you can do is be there WHEN he decides HE WANTS help.
You can't do any more, so plan for the worst, hope for the best and take him though the ropes so he's getting a full idea of what's involved etc..

Good luck, but you can only do what you can only do...
and wouldn't feel guilty if the worst happens...
You can lead them to water, but can't make them drink...
Tough Love....

[Dejah]

Sandy, I totally agree with WW also, tough love and maybe with doing something so drastic it will help to get his eyes open to see what he's doing not only to himself but you as well. Your both in my prayers and a big hug for you!!

I hope he straightens out and flies right soon!

Dejah

[nextariel]

Sandy, You've gotten some very good advice! It won't be easy to follow the 'tough love' route, but it may make him realize what he is doing. Hugs available in Coz next week.

[markglist]

concider the hugs and prayers a done deal sandy

mark

[WreckWench]

Another thought...does your son have a girlfriend that you've met or know? Enlisting her to help could work as well. Men may be able to ignore mom...but its harder to ignore the romantic interest in thier lives.

You might also enlist any close friends of his too. Afterall...I'm sure that they do not know that thier buddy is such a walking timebomb and that he has full control over it.

Remember...desparate times dictate desparate measures. Call if I can do anything! -ww

And finally...it seems that having been sick so long he wants to be normal and normal may mean no meds. You might try some counseling as part of the 'tough love' package deal. Do it together and help him explore the issues he is facing. He can then help you explore how it feels to be a mother watching a son stroll along a suicide path as if it were a Sunday afternoon walk.

Ask the doc to prescribe it for you along with a written script for the casket choosing, the funeral arrangements, the will writing etc. It sounded as if he would be supportive of your efforts. You could also tell your son that you've contacted the Dr. Phil show for a segment on 'How Parents cope with children who regularily put their lives at risk" or something similar. I know he will think you are nuts but it WILL make him think and it may make him realize that this 'death' thing is real...even for him!

[Sophia]

Dear Sandy,
My heart goes out to you. Your son probably thinks he's immortal, as we all did at that age. Maybe a therapist? I'll pass this on to mom. She can get a few extra prayers for y'll.
Sophia/Susan

p.s. I like the Dr. Phil idea. Or worse yet, Jerry Springer! (Shiver in disgust)

[Starfish Sandy]

Thank you for the support and suggestions. Tough love sucks! I think the whine mode is over - for now anyway - was having a down night!! I will collect on those hugs in Coz thought!

Jerry Springer?? Can you imagine?? ugggggggghhhhh.

Sandy

[WreckWench]

Tough love sucks!

The alternatives are worse! Hang in there and lean on us ANYTIME you want! And if you don't...we'll come get you anyway! -ww

[fairfield59]

Sandy,
I hope someone has taken the time to explain all this to your son. Not so much the potential consequences of NOT doing all the right things, but a little of WHY and HOW and WHAT these medicines and therapies are for. You also might want to consider having him see a therapist. I can't imagine what must be going through his mind knowing that he may die a lot sooner than he had planned. He might need to get his head straight before he can accept the "consequences of his actions" thing. He may be in denial about the seriousness of his condition. I think that until HE sees what is happening, he may continue with this undestructible attitude.

I also hope that your friends here, and where you are, and your family give you some small measure of comfort with their love and support.

G

[Prairie Diver]

Sandy: I don't have any magic words that can offer help or answers at this time. I am not sure there are any. This is a very large and complex issue that needs the attention of a professional. I can offer an ear and prayers. Cozumel will be a good chance for you to vent and find support. See you soon. You will be in my thoughts. Jay