46 replies to this topic

[mischievous]

okay...question for the ladies (and men if you want). what do you do if you're hanging out with a friend who gets inebriated and becomes too touchy-feely in public and they don't really understand your requests to stop?




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Edited by WreckWench, 19 April 2004 - 01:57 PM.

[Diverbrian]

more like a magician who doesn't reveal how he pulls his rabbit out of the hat.

okay...question for the ladies (and men if you want). what do you do if you're hanging out with a friend who gets inebriated and becomes too touchy-feely in public and they don't really understand your requests to stop?

I'll be honest. I've pretty much "outgrown" most of the scenes where that happens. The last lady that I was with that was that way I wound up dating for 3 1/2 yrs.

I keep my hands to myself in public and am drinking heavily if I have four drinks over the course of an evening. Most of my friends are that way as well. I have physically removed a male friend of mine who was getting that way with the ladies at the bar back in my Navy days.

:: Waits to see everyone else's answers ::

[coppermaus]

I'll be honest.  I've pretty much "outgrown" most of the scenes where that happens.  The last lady that I was with that was that way I wound up dating for 3 1/2 yrs. 

Brian, if you were a saucy young hottie like Miss Chie , that scene would follow you everywhere you went. I'm sure she can't avoid dealing with unwanted advances most of the time.

What to do in that situation depends on the friend, how close of a friend he is, whether you're concerned about hurting his feelings, or OTOH if you're concerned that he won't listen to "No." If he's a good friend, start with telling him in a friendly way, even in a joking way, giving him a chance to save face by backing off then. Second time, more firmly and direct. Third time, make it harsh and include consequences if he doesn't stop, like you're leaving, not talking to him anymore, going to get some help from the bouncer or another guy friend. If he's not someone inclined to listen, start with the 2nd or 3rd level rather than being friendly/joking, just to be sure he doesn't decide everything you're saying is a joke.

Other thing is to talk to him about it when he's sober again and you two are alone. If he's any kind of friend, it won't happen again.

[Diverlady]

A good jab in the jugular notch will probably stop the advances. He'll be coughing up a lung!



Hmmmm......It's stuff like that, that probably explains why I'm single.

DL

[Coo's Toe]

Fourth level is similiar to testing for your next belt, but the costumes are different...

Seriously though, I hope when this situation happens, that you are in a public place where others are available to help out if needed. Sounds like this friend needs to have a conversation about this when everyone is sober.

[sea nmf]

I don't comprehend "he doesn't understand". Can he talk? Can he carry on a conversation? If so, perhaps you are not being direct?

If he is a friend, and he doesn't stop after you've asked him to, then I would walk away and explain it in the morning when he is able to "understand".

[Walter]

I have to agree with sea nmf. Unless you are speaking different languages, he understands. He may be ignoring you, but if that's the case, he's lost any consideration for his feelings as he's clearing showing no consideration for your feelings. Don't worry about being rude. Why should you be polite when he's being worse than rude? If rude doesn't work, leave. If he tries to stop you from leaving, break his finger. He earned it.

[WreckWench]

Ok so if the guy is REALLY drunk he may not realize what he is doing cuz his inhibitions are lowed to the point where true feelings are showing for you...even if a bit crudely. However if when he is sober you have made it very clear that his continuing of this will harm your friendship...then he has two choices....don't over indulge so he loses his ability to act appropriately OR risk losing you.

Also a firm but very no-nonsense NO STOP THAT...will burst through even the most hardened drunk stupor. Combine that with some physical pain like a pinch and he'll wake up pretty quickly. Or just walk off and leave him. If that still doesn't work...then you have to decide if he is still going to be your friend or not. -ww

[Lubold8431]

I pray for a woman to molest me in public every time I go out...
I think its different for guys. We WANT women to touch us. Women, on the other hand, dont seem to appreciate it. The usual slap in the face, and quick walk away usually works. At least, from what I have been told. THat has NEVER happened to me!!!

[Marvel]

I have to agree with sea nmf. Unless you are speaking different languages, he understands. He may be ignoring you, but if that's the case, he's lost any consideration for his feelings as he's clearing showing no consideration for your feelings. Don't worry about being rude. Why should you be polite when he's being worse than rude? If rude doesn't work, leave. If he tries to stop you from leaving, break his finger. He earned it.

True, Walter but women are often raised to ber indirect in uncomfortable situations & don't realize that they are not making themselves clear enough or, worse yet, the training that they have received from infancy on inhibits their ability to be forceful & direct. Yes, sea nmf, he most certainly DOES understand- it's just that the response may be couched in such a way that he can tell himself that she is just being playful & coy & that it is OK to continue on. Certainly, that was the way I was brought up & it took a lot of self-training on my part to become even remotely capable of saying something clearly & directly in this type of situation. Sad to say, I can't honestly say that I've completely purged that early subserviant indoctrination, I just don't live in it! But, I agree with 'Maus on the steps that she suggested 'Chie take. That's the path that I usually follow & it works pretty well with most people.

[DandyDon]

I have no patience for males like that! Ask others for physical intervention, blow a whistle in his ear, call a cop - whatever it takes.

You do not have accept unacceptable behaviour, ever!

[WreckWench]

Ok the problem here is that the person in question is a friend...and she is trying to find out how to get help delicately but effectively and not ruin the friendship if at all possible. At least I think that is the situation....help Mischeviuos?? Are we all out to lunch on this one????

[DandyDon]

Ok the problem here is that the person in question is a friend...and she is trying to find out how to get help delicately but effectively and not ruin the friendship if at all possible. At least I think that is the situation....help Mischeviuos?? Are we all out to lunch on this one????

Okay, so maybe my views are rash. Wouldn't be the first time.

I guess maybe I should have started with:

You have choices...

Followed by:

You do not have accept unacceptable behaviour, ever!

But I've been a male all my life, and I know some of the stupid tricks we'll try.

Also keep in mind that most sexual assualts are by people known to the victim.

[WreckWench]

Ok the problem here is that the person in question is a friend...and she is trying to find out how to get help delicately but effectively and not ruin the friendship if at all possible. At least I think that is the situation....help Mischeviuos?? Are we all out to lunch on this one????

Okay, so maybe my views are rash. Wouldn't be the first time.

I guess maybe I should have started with:

You have choices...

Followed by:

You do not have accept unacceptable behaviour, ever!

But I've been a male all my life, and I know some of the stupid tricks we'll try.

Also keep in mind that most sexual assualts are by people known to the victim.

What can I say....excellent reply!! -ww

[No Pressure]

"Friend" implies that you think the person respects you, and is "temporarily mentally disconnected" due to a blood alcohol level approaching the number of shoes in your closet. In that state, reasoning and communicating don't work, or they would have already. It is then your choice. Walk away from the problem, keeping yourself safe, but leaving "your friend" on their own. Or try to get past the alcohol - and that involves giving them enough of a painful stimulus to cut through the deepest "anesthetic". Problem here is that the inebriated brain fights back. Therefore, the answer is Get Help, esp multiple big ones. I agree with the talk when sober. Tell them what they did, how it made you feel, and check out their response, to determine whether they stay on your "friend list"