221 replies to this topic

[yaj12795]

WOW,,, Hummmm... my dates turn into a relationship for some reason (cancer and all) than after 1 year too 14 months I see the pattern of where is this going and what about MARRIAGE, But I keep trying. I am in that same trend know, For me it is lets just let this thing ride things are good and we are friends first. But soon enough it is all about marriage, I see two many of them end to be rushed into it.

as for the ladies I would like to know when was the asked time you asked a guy out, after all it is 2005.
Jay :anna:

[Travelnsj]

Last Time I dated……after last years expensive vacation with a lady (and she did not even buy a soda to thank me) and all the $$$$$$$$ I have spent in my life on Ladies…..I made up my mind the interview starts at Starbucks! And then it might progress from there.

But I have a new realization Lunch = 1 tank dive in Palau, Dinner = 3 tank dive in Palau. Much more than lunch or dinner…..might as well give them a title or deed to one of my homes or cars it would be cheaper! LOL

[jextract]

Much more than lunch or dinner…..might as well give them a title or deed to one of my homes or cars it would be cheaper! LOL

Yeah ... been down that road before!

I don't date anymore; my fiance won't let me.

[Neptuner]

Geez Jex, imagine that... she must be one of them "New Age" women, huh?

Maybe I'm confusing the actual definition of a date, but I spend plenty of evenings with a female companion on a fairly regular basis. Often there is no romantic intention at all, many of the females are simply friends. I mean who wants to go to a Broadway show by themselves? Even if there is the possibility of romance, that is never the expectation simply because we're going out for the evening... if it happens, great, if not, that's okay too. Friends first, then who knows what the future may bring...

[annasea]

Maybe I'm confusing the actual definition of a date, but I spend plenty of evenings with a female companion on a fairly regular basis.  Often there is no romantic intention at all, many of the females are simply friends. Even if there is the possibility of romance, that is never the expectation simply because we're going out for the evening... if it happens, great, if not, that's okay too.  Friends first, then who knows what the future may bring...

Great attitude, Michael!

I think (in the beginning at least) both sexes have a tendency to worry too much at times about what the other person expects or anticipates. Too often things go wrong because of this sense of obligation or pressure. (I hope this isn't a total 'Duh!' observation -- it's been a long day! )


As for Travelnsj . . . Sorry to read about your past female troubles. Although such an attitude may seem to prevail in some parts of the world, I'd like to think that it's the minority of women that feel this way, rather than the majority.

Personally, I expect to, and will politely, but forcefully, insist on paying if I asked the man out, and will graciously, but seriously, offer to pay half or at least the tip if he asked me out.

Edited by annasea, 07 July 2005 - 06:54 PM.

[AliKat]

As for Travelnsj . . . Sorry to read about your past female troubles. Although such an attitude may seem to prevail in some parts of the world, I'd like to think that it's the minority of women that feel this way, rather than the majority.

No kidding. I think you are somehow meeting all the wrong women. I think more SD trips is the answer

[Travelnsj]

As for Travelnsj . . . Sorry to read about your past female troubles. Although such an attitude may seem to prevail in some parts of the world, I'd like to think that it's the minority of women that feel this way, rather than the majority.

No kidding. I think you are somehow meeting all the wrong women. I think more SD trips is the answer

Ali,

I have been dating the Majority of my life (with exception when I have lived with someone) and regardless of dating the Doctor, Lawyer or VP to the poor diver....there is not much difference! Those are either the people I attract or attracted too......Oh Well!

So I would rather go diving and would like to do a lot of SD trips if they were headed to Kona-next week, Kirimati-in October, Costa Rica-in December, Palau-March 06, Belize-May 06 and Kona-July 06...(see I rather go diving)...So if the SD Gods are listening two of these trips have not been booked yet and could be SD trips!

Edited by Travelnsj, 07 July 2005 - 11:49 PM.

[drbill]

I have been dating the Majority of my life (with exception when I have lived with someone) and regardless of dating the Doctor, Lawyer or VP to the poor diver....there is not much difference! Those are either the people I attract or attracted too......Oh Well!

I think your dilemma (which I have experienced with too many women) is a function of where we both live. No, I'm not referring to the times you're here on the island. It isn't just Catalina... it's much of southern California.

I have been fortunate with some women (the ones I've stayed with for long periods of time). They shared in the expense of our fun, at least to their ability to do so relative to mine (some earned more, most earned less).

I firmly believe that if a relationship is a true partnership, it should be based on sharing in many aspects. If she invites me out, I normally expect her to pay. If I ask her out, I pay. In other situations we may go Dutch.

However I've had some who expected me to pay for everything... including some of their clothes! Excuse me. You know, the ones that used their "womanly wiles" to con me into buying that bathing suit or dress for her. Well, that strategy almost never worked (I bought them clothes when I saw something I thought they'd like, not when they asked).

For a woman to expect a man to cover all the expenses while she received a free ride would be like a man who expected to receive all the sexual pleasure from their coupling without giving anything in return.

The right women are out there. I know several of them (but, sigh, they are still "just" dive buddies with SO's).

[drbill]

By the way... I'd often rather go out with one of my female dive buddies as friends than with a woman who has unreasonable expectations. After all, I'm a starving marine biologist! My dive buddies respect me for my companionship, sense of humor, diving ability, knowledge of marine life and video capabilities. We always have something interesting to talk about. They always share in the expenses and pay their own way when we do dive travel together. I get great hugs from them, and I'd rather have a great hug and a warm smile than an empty romp in the hay any day.

Now, Annasea, if I ask you out would you pay half of the airfare to get here? Just teasing you (right?).

PS- Boy it is so much nicer to be here on SD.com than it was on SB.com tonight. A moderator there seemed to think his @!&% didn't stink and that he could do what he censored others for doing. I'd much rather talk relationships, love, etc., than politics and war any day (or night).

[cmt489]

Some of us do pay, and in my case, have paid too much in the past! In any event, I think there are all sorts out there and you just need to find the right one!

[annasea]

Now, Annasea, if I ask you out would you pay half of the airfare to get here? Just teasing you (right?).

Hey drbill, if you're askin', I'm considerin'!

Whether I pay half or full airfare -- no problem. As for your 'personal preferences' -- now there's the problem!

I most definitely have the *gams* (Tina Turner -- move over! ), but I gave up both the hair colour and length years ago. (Ever try applying black hair dye on a widow's peak hairline? Sometimes 'very carefully' just isn't enough! )

[Neptuner]

I could not agree more drbill, a woman who is a true friend is a cherished treasure indeed and a wonderful companion. Of course, as you pointed out, there is also that faint glimmer of hope that someday she may see you as something more. Perhaps we don't radiate that "Bad Boy" charm in these type of relationships, but often there is a hidden desire that grows deep within their souls that may blossom as suddenly as an unexpected rain shower.

She starts her next sentence with a childish smile and a light heart... she drops her wallet into the sand while fumbling to show you her new dive cert card with the picture of the cute dolphin on it... you both bend down to reach for it and your eyes lock... her smile fades into awe and in the span of a moment she sees you not only as the true and trusted friend you have always been, but as the one person who knows her so well that you are capable of loving her more deeply and more sincerely than any other... she wonders how she never saw it before?... now both of your hearts are racing... your minds ask a thousand questions... Is this real?... Does he/she feel it too?... if fate is kind then one of you will overcome the awkward paralyzing fear that seizes the human heart and lean in toward the other... the magical embrace of your first kiss is born.

It could happen...

[drbill]

Hey drbill, if you're askin', I'm considerin'!

Out of respect for the lady, I'm taking this to PM!

[Maria]

I think (in the beginning at least) both sexes have a tendency to worry too much at times about what the other person expects or anticipates. Too often things go wrong because of this sense of obligation or pressure. (I hope this isn't a total 'Duh!' observation -- it's been a long day! )


As for Travelnsj . . . Sorry to read about your past female troubles. Although such an attitude may seem to prevail in some parts of the world, I'd like to think that it's the minority of women that feel this way, rather than the majority.

Personally, I expect to, and will politely, but forcefully, insist on paying if I asked the man out, and will graciously, but seriously, offer to pay half or at least the tip if he asked me out.

I agree with you. I think you should go with the flow and not expect anything. Just enjoy the moment and if things feel right, then go for it. Some people have the tendency to make it absolutely clear that they don't want a relationship, in which case, you need to decide whether you want to keep "hanging out" or move on.

In terms of paying, I usually insist on paying for at least half of the check. I think at the beginning, the person who invites should pay though. I don't consider it a date if we split the check the first few times we go out. I also don't believe in one person paying for everything all the time. I don't feel comfortable about that. I believe in "taking turns"

[Brinybay]

... men need to exhibit some backbone because chicks don't go for the spineless type...

... women ... still retain a desire for strong men, on an instinctual level .... While we've had a load of BS forced down our throats recently about how women want a "sensitive" man, those who have given in to this theory wholeheartedly are usually are the ones watching from the sidelines, comforting their girl friends whenever they experiance another bad heartbreak at the hands of the jerks. The girls are attracted to the jerks because they are the ones exhibiting the qualities of strength that the inner cave-women are attracted to. My theory is that a man can be a gentleman, and sensitive to a woman's needs, but if he acts like a whipped sissy he's going to have more girl friends than girlfriends. ... hence my explanation for why some women will keep dating jerks time and time again even to the point of abuse in the most extreme cases.

Very interesting. That explains a LOT. For the life of me, I could never figure out why a lot of women kept going back to the jerks that they constantly bad-mouthed and complained about when I was doing everything I could to be sensitive and attentive because I thought that's what they wanted. Or at least, that's what all the femi-nazis kept saying women wanted. A lot of the times I had to really reign in my "inner cave-man" instincts. And you're right, I ended up on the sidelines every time.

So does that mean I'm going to start being a jerk? No, mostly because I'm not. As much as I didn't understand why some women liked jerks, I could never understand why some men treated women in such an appalling way.

On the flip side, I have no respect for "men" who put up with abuse from a woman just so they can "get some". There's a word we guys use for that, it's called being a "pu**y-wupp".

Edited by Brinybay, 08 July 2005 - 11:18 AM.