221 replies to this topic

[Kawika]

In actuality...back in the day...in the Garden of Eden to be specific...marriage was a covenant (i.e., "til death do you part")...

[kevininpo]

just my 2 loonies worth

Hey Kevin - since when did you start dealing in Canadian currency?!

l was trying to find something that had next to no value l think 2 loonies is worth slightly less than 2psi

[cmt489]

I will have you know that your dollar is not worth a lot more than our dollar these days...

[dustbowl diver]

In actuality...back in the day...in the Garden of Eden to be specific...marriage was a covenant (i.e., "til death do you part")...

You are correct Sir!!!! It hasn't changed.

DBD

[CaliD]

Yikes.... A date.
Well let me see if I can remember
It was before I started my BA program
Before my nephew was born the first one not the second one - He's four now.

I'm to old to remember back further than that.

There must be therapy for this really there must be...

[Diverbrian]

I tried the loyalty thing. It lasted two years of a relationship that had me in anxiety attacks just wondering if I was going to put my shoes in the right place when I "visited" her house. The first year was no bed of roses, but was still a honeymoon. The last two and a half were a living you-know-what.

I'm sorry, but when you start getting physical symptoms of stress wondering when you are going to get hollered at again (and you know better than to holler back because it wouldn't be gentlemanly), it becomes a favor when she decides that she no longer wants you around.

It is easy to judge the people involved in these "disposable relationships". But, once you have been at the bottom of one and know feeling like that dog that draws back at a raised hand on the assumed feeling that it means being hit, you know what the costs can be. I dated a couple of women after that and spent two or three years in therapy. I made a great deal of progress, but still recoil at the sound of a raised voice. I don't think that reflex will ever go away. It is instinct and self-preservation. I guess that I could have married this woman and been loyal and selfless. But, I got out just in time. That level of stress is not healthy and WILL cut your life short. I had other family members to think about. Most of my friends... well, I left them behind to spend more time with her like she wanted. Without one twelve step program, I would have had little support at all. She and I both had more growing up to do.

I still have more growing up to do before I am again ready to start seeing women in a dating sense again. I never dated much to begin with. I dated extensively about two years ago (I felt like James Bond, except guilty about it). I wanted to get know one woman at a time and get to know her very well. I did not/do not want to again put myself in a position to make a choice as to which woman that I continue to date and which woman that I discontinue dating. So my last date would have been... (well, I can't think that far back!)

[annasea]

I'm sorry, but when you start getting physical symptoms of stress wondering when you are going to get hollered at again (and you know better than to holler back because it wouldn't be gentlemanly), it becomes a favor when she decides that she no longer wants you around.

I guess that I could have married this woman and been loyal and selfless.

That's quite a post, Diverbrian.

I'm surprised you would have even considered marrying a woman who treated you so poorly.

My other thought was that while loyalty and selflessness are admirable qualities, they risk becoming detrimental to the one who possesses them if boundaries aren't clearly established.

I'm glad to read that you have worked through some of your issues -- sadly, some people never do -- and wish you the best!

[Diverbrian]

That's quite a post, Diverbrian.

I'm surprised you would have even considered marrying a woman who treated you so poorly.

My other thought was that while loyalty and selflessness are admirable qualities, they risk becoming detrimental to the one who possesses them if boundaries aren't clearly established.

I'm glad to read that you have worked through some of your issues -- sadly, some people never do -- and wish you the best!

Why would I have considered it? Because at that time I felt that if I did things better that everything would work out. Fortunately, I have been around enough victims of abuse in relationships to recognize the error in that attitude (even if it is only in my subconcious). That is actually being selfish in its own way in thinking that you can control something beyond your ability to change.

But, the Boy Scout in me felt that loyalty was more important and that I could make myself into something that she would be happy with. As I said, I was pretty messed up at the time and I was messed up in order to allow it to happen to me. But, that was then and this is now.

I have never truly been one for "playing the field". In the end, I am enough of a romantic to figure that someday I will get hit over the head with a fin and not be given a choice in the matter . Until then, I have my diving and friends that I have made while diving.

[hnladue]

Unfortunetly, I know just how Brian feels. Only it's been 6 years and I still havent' recovered. All the names he called me I firgured MUST be true otherwise he wouldn't be saying it!! Right?

If only they made inflatable MEN.

[drdiver]

If only they made inflatable MEN.

But they do....

Inflatable Men

[finGrabber]

[Kawika]

Heather...I hope by now you realize that you shouldn't put much credence to what an insecure man may have said to you in the past...

[Diverbrian]

Unfortunetly, I know just how Brian feels. Only it's been 6 years and I still havent' recovered. All the names he called me I firgured MUST be true otherwise he wouldn't be saying it!! Right?

I can assure you that that those harsh words were no more warranted in your case than in mine. But, in the end that never seems to matter. Take care of yourself as well as you do the other living things in your life and things will come around. I just can't tell you when!

[ddierolf]

If only they made inflatable MEN.

But they do....

Inflatable Men

I just hope your not alergic to vinyl.. How would you ever explain that rash to the co-workers????

[Brinybay]